Saving the Spirit of Christmas

Okay, so where am I?

Currently I’m drive straight into the hellfire known as the Skirball Fire that’s across from The Getty Center threatening to shut down the freeway and burn down every decent home along the way.

God bless the first responders and the Los Angeles Fire Department for trying to save our homes, our lives, our pets, our wildlife, and our neighborhoods. Quite frankly, I am overwhelmed with the Armageddon of it all.

While I slogged through traffic my mind wandered to happier things like Christmas decorations. Yeah, I know I am supposed to call it holiday decorations, but you know, all of the decorations, EVER, are Santa, Rudolph, or elf themed. So, for my columns I am sticking with Christmas decorations…

There nothing like christmas decorations that can get me out of the holiday spirit so fast! I would have to say, I am very particular about outdoor christmas decorations. You read my previous columns railing against giant inflatables and now the latest irritation are the influx of motion detectors that flood the walls of homes with a blanket of shimmering stars or blinking lights. Now at the flick of a light switch your decorating is now done!

Christmas decorations at their perfect best.

I’m going to call fraud because with one Target or K-Mart purchase, you’ve become the Bernie Madoff of your block. The whole street is painfully aware of your egregious shortcut and should bring you in front of the neighborhood watch for Christmas decorating crimes. I mean at the local Starbucks, your neighbors are all bemoaning the laziness and your sharp veer from tradition.

Here’s how you properly decorate your home: you get out your ladder, your trusty hammer, some small U-shaped staple nails, and a strong of lights. And not just any lights. Get the old school ones, you know, the misshapen oval red and green glass bulbs. I guess the white icicles will do as well, but nothing else.

Top Tip: Use clips instead of a hammer and nails.

Place that ladder under your house, climb up, and hammer and tap your way systematically placing those lights just below your roofline, moving your ladder inch by inch to admiring glances of passersby noting your old school work ethic. Weakening the wood in your house you say? Nonsense. All you need at the end of the season is to work some wood putty into the holes left by the nails when you take them down in January. Some nice touch up paint and your house gets the TLC it deserves. It’s a small price to pay for authenticity…yet I digress…

Once you finish your uniform tappity-tap-tapping, you climb down the ladder, plug in your lights and marvel at your laborious creation. Simple, simple. But while I am at it, let’s tackle Christmas cards.

There is no greater joy than opening a Christmas card with warm heartfelt message included inside. However, there are no tidings of comforts or joy for Hallmark, American Greetings, and other card markers because their annual holiday staple, the Christmas card, is ebbing from Americana, fading from the landscape of traditional communication. It wasn’t long ago, the annual Christmas card exchange was one of the highlights of the season. A way for far-flung friends, relatives, and acquaintances to stay in touch.

Mailboxes were once filled with paper holiday treats, each one giving more love than the one before. Now they trickle in like water from an old pump well in the Sahara Desert.

Facebook has taken away the Christmas cards (and birthday cards for that matter). Log into your social media go to a friends pages and whip out five to 10 words wishing someone a happy holidays and your work is done, albeit half-heartedly.

How about thumbing your nose at technology and bring back the card exchange in an ode to Christmas tradition with a couple of changes:

1) The superstars of the Christmas cards are: decorated trees, holiday ornaments, Santa, reindeer, and carolers. Send me a card with one of those stars on the front of the card. If you’re going to be so nice as to send us a picture of your family, remember, as adorable as you all are, you aren’t cover material. The family picture should be a 4×6 print that goes inside the card you send.

-and-

2) Please refrain from your urge to include your annual newsletter that chronicles all of the details of your past year. I’ve been following your social media and again, this is about Santa and his merry clan of friends and helpers.

Help me save Christmas or let’s just wrap New Years into a combo gift giving / celebration night into one tidy holiday.

AD OF THE WEEK/MONTH/WHATEVER
Three Great 2017 Holiday Advertisements to Re-energize Your Holiday Spirit

Cost Plus World Market
“The Performance”

The llamas take over…