Month of Travel: Vampires in Montreal

It’s been a good year for the Media Guy Struggles. As the leading lifestyle media brand for those curious about the life of a modern (M)ad Man, the website is growing faster in unexpected ways. August marked the best month of all time for readership, advertising, and elevated Q ratings. To celebrate, I took to the road looking for the best food, drink, travel, and places to stay in the world.  The result is the Month of Travel where I tell tales and wax poetic about only the very best in the world. I’ll take you to Russia, Mexico, Lebanon, and Canada. At the end, I hope it inspires you to weave your own story through the fabric of travel. Today, I take you to Montreal and how one of the best hotels in downtown made all of my 4:30 a.m. paranoias go away. 

Okay, so where am I?

I’m in beautiful Montreal at the luxe Sofitel Golden Mile. I’m working on my hockey book and in town to interview some former Kontinental Hockey League characters and tour one of the Meccas of Hockey: Bell Centre, home of the Montreal Canadiens.

The only problem is that the player I am interviewing insisted to meet at six in the morning which left me with an ungodly pickup time to arrive in time. So I get up at 4:30 a.m., which quite honestly is one of the most ridiculous time on the clock ever conceived. I mean its it night? Is it day? What the heck is 4:30 a.m., anyway? I don’t really care who you are, whether you have to wake up at 4:30 or you have been awake until 4:30, it it utterly ridiculous. Of course if you’ve been up all night and it’s 4:30, you have other problems that I mustn’t get into here. If you’re that close to sunrise and you haven’t slept in 22 hours, that’s another whole level of “I need to make better life choices.” Yet I digress…

So there I am at 4:30 a.m., barely away and I realize that I forgot my toothbrush and toothpaste. One part of my inner dialogue is censuring myself with, “You fool, you travel one hundred days out of the year, how could you forget about your oral health? How are you going to go another fifty years without a cavity like you did the first fifty would a toothbrush?”

Then a second inner dialogue kicks in and says, “hey take it easy on yourself, things happen!” Then the two inner dialogues go at for a while like two Japanese betas in the same bowl until finally my post-caffeinated logic kicks in and I realize that I am in a fancy French-Canadian hotel and I probably can call the front desk and ask them to send up one of those oral hygiene kits. But then I remember that the last time I did this in Melbourne what I received was like a half a toothbrush. You know, one of those plastic sticks with forty bristles that don’t do anything but splash water around and frustrate you. But just as that scenario plays out I remember again that I’m at the Sofitel Golden Mile and with a name like that, they have to have good toothbrushes.

So, like the brave person I am at 4:35a, pre-dawn with not a soul visible from my wonderful city view, I decide to call down for my toothbrush request. Wouldn’t you know it, no one answers the phone. That continuous ringing—something that you never heard past the mid 1980s when everyone had at least an answering machine—is not only a lonely feeling, but also sets up a paranoia mindset of epic proportions. Why? Because there’s always someone that answers at posh French-Canadian hotels. That’s why you stay there, for the service! So on the seventh ring or so, the first thought was; “VAMPIRES.” It wasn’t even a delusion, it was a real cognitive thought and I know my thoughts were real.

That initial real thought was followed by my 4:37 a.m. analysis… “How many more are there like me? Do I need to stockpile garlic? What time does the sun come up? Are they wearing special rings to make it so they can still go our in the sunlight? Is the Vampire Diaries” streaming on the CW website to get one of those witch’s spells to ward them off? Can I fashion a wooden stake from the desk in my suite? Did I pack a turtleneck?” …and on and on it went until I took a deep breath, one of the deepest in my life and came to the serious revelation that no (!) I could not summon my inner Lawrence of Arabia and push back the Great Vampire Revolution of 2019.

Just then the front desk picked and that the very pleasant voice on the other end apologized for letting the phone ring six times—yes, my 4:37 a.m. mind was losing it after only six rings—and I promptly overreacted and shrieked, “What in the holy hell is going on down there? Why didn’t you answer? I was going insane up here because we are in a world of trouble!”

She asked what the problems was, and still in full paranoia tilt, I screamed, “I need a freaking toothbrush, because of vampires!!!!” It was then I was horrified that I actually said that to an actual person and needed to make her understand what I had experienced in that six ring marathon of a call and said, “Sorry I need to interview a goalie in 82 minutes” like that would be a totally rationale explanation of why I would fear vampires before daybreak. I’m sure she hung up and said to her colleagues that there’s some dud on the seventh floor who is having a bad trip. Anyway, the toothbrush arrived in five minutes and what a toothbrush it was! Bountiful with full medium hard bristles with a healthy and generous tube of Colgate toothpaste.

All this brings me to why I’ll always return to the Sofitel located in Montreal’s Golden Mile (if they will have me, that is). It has 258 rooms and suites and stands proud on posh Sherbrooke Street just a few blocks from Mont Royal Park. McGill University is next door and the Bell Centre is less than a mile away. If you want artsy sophistication, the Montreal Museum of Fine Arts is there as well. I loved my luxury suite with its Impressionist-style paintings and black-and-white framed photographs with plush goose-feather bedding and the best beds in the world. The floor-to-ceiling windows will lure you to the hustle of the city and a perfect spot to brainstorm those big ideas. Le Renoir, the upscale restaurant serves seasonal French cuisine with locally sourced ingredients. The concierge and bell staff is amongst the most pleasant I have ever had the pleasure to know and they are more than happy to help arrange a ride (that’s never late), theatre tickets, or even a behind-the-scenes tour of Bell Centre, including VIP access to the Canadiens dressing rooms.

The location at the Golden Square Mile, which remains the champion of Montreal’s glitz and glamour scene since the 19th century. Today, this very area is the flashpoint of the excitement of downtown, blending celebrated magic with cultural gems and tourist destinations.

Artsy and sophisticated rooms with floor-to-ceiling windows.

Marbled, spacious bathrooms.

Incredible front office staff.

Sublime Cuisine.

The Maurice Richard statue at Bell Center.

Me and Howie Morenz at the Bell Centre.

The Montreal Museum of Fine Arts