Well, it’s been a long wait. Over two weeks to be exact and I’m still waiting by the phone awaiting a call from either Margo Georgiadis, CEO of Ancestry, or senior VP of U.S. Marketing Caroline Sheu…or both. Perhaps it will be a conference call, who knows? So, why should these two industry leaders ring up the independent Media Guy consultant? Well, have you seen their tone-deaf phone “Inseparable” commercial that lit up the airwaves back in April?

Set in the Antebellum South, a foggy pre-dawn scene shows an out-of-breath white man offering a wedding ring and a promise to flee to the North to his love interest, a (presumably enslaved) black woman:

“Abigail,” he says. “We can escape, to the North. There’s a place we can be together, across the border. Will you leave with me?”

But, before I prattle on about how the advertising vision of the Media Guy would have saved the genealogy company millions of dollars in bad will and publicity, let’s watch the spot together:

I understand at the ad was most likely intended to be a romantic adaptation of how someone taking a DNA test ends up with muddle of geographic origins in their heritage. But it wound up as an discomforting blunder when critics correctly pointed out that the “forbidden love” plot was a story gone wrong because the pre-Civil War Deep South was largely defined by the ruthless sexual exploitation of black slave women by white slave owners. All of this brought disdain from the community at large.

With an IPO looming for the genealogical website, this mistake could have been costly. Ancestry quickly pulled the spot and apologized profusely. In a statement, the company told WIRED,  “Ancestry is committed to telling important stories from history,” the company said. “This ad was intended to represent one of those stories. We very much appreciate the feedback we have received and apologize for any offense that the ad may have caused.”

I have to say that this tightly worded apology—mostly likely crafted by Sheu—is a ton better than I would have written. Her experience at GAP, Inc. and her B.A. in Political Science and in East Asian Studies from UCLA, an M.A. in Asian Studies from UC Berkeley, and a J.D./M.B.A. from University of Chicago pales my degrees from UCLA for sure. But with “20 years of experience transforming marketing organizations to adapt to rapidly changing consumer and technology trends” you would figure that Ancestry would have never gotten into this mess to begin with.

A little vision (and a one-hour consulting session with the Media Guy) would have revealed so much just by me looking at the storyboards.

Oh, where to start?

Let’s start with this litany of historical and cultural offenses shoehorned into the 30-second commercial:

• The notion that a white male protector could only liberate a black woman from slavery…
• That most mixed-race people in America today descend from tender, consenting relationships when the biggest historical reason is actually rape…
• Prior to 1861, it was legally impossible for slave women to file rape charges against a white man in Southern U.S. states, 
• That interracial relationship was even possible in this time and this place given the extreme power irregularities of the institution. And finally…
• That there was a promised land of equal opportunity in the “North.” (Breaking News: it wasn’t even close.)

Wow, that’s a lot of errors in thirty seconds. I mean, clearly there were no history books allowed at these final planning sessions prior to their commercial shoot. But, hey, Ancestry was spinning some fairy tale that by filling up a small vial with your saliva that they can miraculously fill in the family tree branches that were severed by the transatlantic slave trade. Oh jeez.

They say when you are so close to a project or a situation, you can’t see the forest among the trees and in this case, that idiom definitely applies. Some extra eyes from the outside would have identified all of this troubling content before filming began. What a waste of filming days and post production and that’s not to mention the damage that could have leveled at their impending IPO.

As a descendant of Russian immigrants from the 1880’s due to the state-sanctioned policies of Alexander III, trust me when I say that tracing family ties aren’t so straightforward. Names were often changed to escape persecution and in the pre-Civil War Era, names of slaves were altered when they were sold to new owners. When you are doing a deep dive on your family history, the process of doing so unearths up painful truths you weren’t expecting.

Reaching out to a diverse audience is important for Ancestry because their DNA database are overwhelmingly white. They tell a much hazier origin story for African Americans. I’m told that Ancestry can divide the 32,000-square-mile island of Ireland into 85 distinct genetic populations. For all of Africa, the company can only carve out nine. Recruiting a more diverse customer base would certainly help lift some of those limitations, and that’s how this commercial came into play however it came off.

So here’s my message to Margo Georgiadis and Caroline Sheu. I called you both and left messages. Two weeks have passed and I’m beginning to think you won’t call me back, but you should and I’ll answer 24/7, 365 days a year. My fees are small and a few hours along with a business class airline ticket will get you and in-person meeting and I’ll save you the hassles of another misfire in the advertising arena. I have the midas touch wherever I go. Once upon a time I made falling in your home a cottage industry and convinced the New York Times that Syria was a top 10 destination.

Do yourselves a favor, don’t say for a second time, “We should have called the Media Guy!” I’ll be waiting with my out special set of media skills. This latest commercial shows that companies like Ancestry still need to prove they can be trusted with their media buys.

Previous “You Should Have Called the Media Guy” Columns:

Hong Kong Tourism Board
Burger King
H&M
The American Red Cross
Pepsi
Kellogg’s
Anaheim Ducks
T-Mobile, Dove, McDonald’s

The post ANCESTRY.COM: You Should Have Called The Media Guy! appeared first on Media Guy Struggles.

It’s late and I’m polishing my running diary for tonight’s Los Angeles Kings game against the Arizona Coyotes. It’s been a struggle this season in my first year as a moonlighting sportswriter. The Kings are really bad and coach is worse. How bad is he? He’s so bad that I penned letters to him and then to his boss, general manager Rob Blake. That one took a lot for me because I would never want anyone complaining to my bosses. As far as I know, no one has ever complained about me in writing. Hopefully that streak continues.

Also, I am still waiting for Dr. Peter Lam, Chairman of the Hong Kong Tourism Board, or their executive director Anthony Lau, to call me to sort out the disaster that is their “Treasures of the Heart” tourism commercial.

Inspired by the awfulness of the Hong Kong Tourism Board, I’ve unearthed a handful of truly horrendous tourism campaigns…

Barcelona

This ancient Barcelona video showcases every fountain in the land. And here you though they were only known for their food, beaches, Gaudi architecture, and pickpockets.

Canada

Once upon a time a photobombing squirrel made big news in the Great White North. So, of course the marketing folks at Banff Lake Louise Tourism rushed a commercial to air touting its national park. Needless to say this didn’t age well. Now, or then.

Latvia

Here, the inability of Latvians to communicate without a huge supply of napkins and tomato ketchup is showcased. Also showcased is awkward couple flirts, the cheap beer, and bad waiter haircuts.

Miami Beach

In 1970, Miami Beach jumped into the colorful advertising gimmick game first launched by Mary Wells Lawrence for Braniff.

I’m red, I love…
I’m yellow, I groove…
I’m blue, I appreciate…
There’s one place where colors and people best come together – Miami Beach!

This is opening of the original meandering infomercial type (13+ minutes long) featuring a shameless number of good looking, eyebrow raising women in front of roaring fires and reclining beds.

Massachusetts

In the 1980s, Massachusetts dreamed up this classic showcasing New Englanders living in harmony. However bad the spot is, it features maybe the best tourism jingle ever:

This spot was so bad good that it was lampooned by Family Guy:

The post The Five Worst Tourism Campaigns I Could Find on YouTube appeared first on Media Guy Struggles.

Okay, so where am I?

I’m waiting by the phone hoping Axel Schwan, the Global Chief Marketing Officer and Executive Vice President of Burger King, dials me up so we can discuss their latest brain fumble. I mean, the FIFA World Cup is a great event to center an advertising and marketing campaign that will inevitably get their message out to the whole world. The World Cup is by far the most widely viewed sporting event on Earth — with an audience reach of 3.5 billion — and with that Burger King in Russia saw this as a prime opportunity to come up with a cheeky promotion, that maybe, just maaaaybe they didn’t think through all the way.

Burger King was trying to have it their way but trying to build up Russia’s future in soccer by investing now by giving women a lifetime supply of Whoopers. But how would women be able to do that?

Above is the now delete post that translates like this:

“Burger King within the framework of social responsibility has appointed a rewards for girls who get pregnant from the stars of the world fútbol. 

Each will receive 3,000,000 rubles and a lifelong supply of Whoppers. For these girls, it will be possible to get the best fútbol genes and will lay down the success of the Russian National Team for several generations ahead. 

Forward. We believe in you.”

Mr. Schwan, as much as I rack my brain, there is no real positive in this stunt. I mean, didn’t you watch the Oscars? Or all the Harvey Weinstein news?

#TimesUp bro!

Seriously.

No matter, the bosses stepped up and apologies were issued blah blah blah. Which spurred on an interesting conspiracy theory: what is brands are putting out this stuff on purpose?

As a bunch, us ad folks are pretty self aware to what works and what doesn’t. Most of us are fairly skilled and in many cases, have big budgets, and are under heavy pressure to raise their client’s brand profile. In a crowded marketplace, these modern Mad Men need to do something (anything) to get their voices heard and seen.

Passionate Soccer Fans at the FIFA World Cup.

The ad industry is deliberately being provocative and it’s trying to get the headlines. But, ultimately this is going to be much more damaging for brands than what they actually realize.

The Advertising Standards Authority (ASA), the UK’s advertising watchdog, has received 2400+ racism complaints from 956 different ads since 2013. Of those, 12 cases were formally investigated and 10 of those had the complaint upheld.

The power to ban adverts it thinks breaches its standards, but that usually isn’t necessary because brands usually remove the offensive ads once the bad publicity starts.

Experience tells me that despite adverts being looked at by many many eyeballs before they make it to the public, a “lack of diversity” in advertising agencies means things can be missed. This is why marketing executives like Axel Schwan should be calling me. As I have ranted and raved in six previous articles and nearly daily in my own office, a simple pre-release phone call to the Media Guy can save you millions of dollars in bad publicity and wasted media buys. Reach out, I’ll be there.

So did Burger King do this on purpose?

It’s hard to say considering their track record. Burger King Russia division has a history of horrific publicity-baiting stunts. Last year it made fun of a teenage rape victim in an online marketing campaign, using the likeness of Diana Shurygina, who was raped when she was 16 at a house party, as part of a buy one get one free burger offer.

Ugh!

And it’s not just Russia…Burger King has a global track record of misogynistic advertising. In Singapore the company advertised a seven-inch burger with overtly sexual imagery and a tagline saying “It’ll blow your mind away.” The model featured in the 2009 advertising campaign later came forward to say she had no idea her image was going to be used in that way.

Double Ugh!

On the other hand, they come forth with a clever ad to commemorate that it’s legal for women to drive in Saudi Arabia with free Whoppers (no pregnancy required).

For a entire month (June 24 to July 24), Burger King Saudi Arabia is giving its signature burger free to any woman in the driver’s seat who pulls up to its drive-thru windows. The burgers will come wrapped in special paper, renaming the sandwich “WhoppHer.”

So, will Burger King or Alex call the Media Guy? Remember this: one call to me will save could you a bunch of migraines and a boatload of cash…I advise you to strongly consider these words.

Previous “You Should Have Called the Media Guy” Columns:


H&M
The American Red Cross
Pepsi
Kellogg’s
Anaheim Ducks
T-Mobile, Dove, and McDonald’s

The post BURGER KING: You Should Have Called The Media Guy! appeared first on Media Guy Struggles.

I’m on phone watch hoping Karl-Johan Persson, the CEO and president of Hennes & Mauritz, aka H&M, stops monkeying around and dials me up so we can discuss their ridiculous Monkey hoodie and subsequent lame apology. Maybe before I rant and rave and tell you how a simple pre-release phone call to the Media Guy can save companies millions of dollars, perhaps I should show you the source of my consternation:

H&M: What were you thinking?

Uhhhhhhh…I’d be speechless in this case, but, you know, I’m never speechless.

In previous columns, I have expressed empathy for the CEOs of these organizations for not calling because I felt people in the marketing and advertising department would lose their jobs. But in reality, nothing happens. They just go about their days and weeks issuing lame apologies and react to the situation they caused, rather than respond to them.

In case you missed it, the term “monkey” has been used as a racial slur toward African-Americans. Just look at the picture above. In the ad, the African-American is a “monkey” and the Caucasian kid is a “survival expert.” Ugh!

The “monkey” sweatshirt fiasco is yet another miserable reminder of how much more work lies ahead when it comes educating corporations about the consequences of using certain images and messaging. The Swedish clothing giant is learning that lesson firsthand.

A barrage of comments ensued, including multi-platinum recording artist The Weeknd who ended his partnership with H&M:

It didn’t end there. A barrage of comments ensued, with celebs from Questlove and Snoop Dogg to LeBron James and Diddy raucously protesting (and, in some cases, redesigning) the tone-deaf ad via Twitter and Instagram. H&M also lost rapper G-Eazy who also terminated his agreement in advance of the March 1 launch of his H&M collection.

In true cover your ass mode, H&M released a statement saying it had withdrawn the hoodie from sale and would “thoroughly investigate” to make sure there is not a repeat of the incident.

The post H&M: You Should Have Called The Media Guy! appeared first on Media Guy Struggles.

I mean who would make such a video in this sexually harassment-fueled climate? All we read and hear about are inappropriate men doing rotten things to women around the context of work. Harvey Weinstein, Charlie Rose, Bill O’Reilly, Kevin Spacey, Al Franken, John Lasseter…this list is endless…

…and then there it was…the culprit was the Anaheim Ducks!

Full disclosure: As a life-long Los Angeles Kings supporter (44 years and counting), nothing pleases me more than Anaheim ducking is all up.

So there I am jaw dropped as I watch the news report of perhaps the worst example yet of tone deaf companies—and the individuals who work for them—perpetuating something that should never exist in the media in 2017…take a peek:

Okay, so where am I?

I’m waiting by the phone hoping Michael Schulman, the CEO of the Anaheim Ducks, dials my ten digits so we can discuss their brain burp. I mean, I feel for Schulman because how many people at the Ducks are going to get fired? I say this is because I can’t remember the last time a major sports team making this kind of advertising mistake. This should have been an easy empty net of a happy birthday message to their parent league (more on that later). But, no, they had to be clever.

As a reformed misogynist, every time I see something like this I say, “stop and take a look around at everything that’s happening in all of these industries in the world.” If you don’t think this is serious, look at the punishments people are receiving for their actions. Currently, the penalty is ejection from your workplace. They might not get everyone immediately, but, take someone like Louis C.K. and what they got him on. The people who make decisions on his projects are thinking out loud themselves…

“Uhm, Louis, this movie you were going to be in? Yeah, no, we aren’t worried about that making this real any longer.”

“Hey, you have some movies on Netflix? Not anymore!”

Kevin Spacey was supposed to star in J. Paul Getty, Part 2 and Sony said “nah, no need, Kev, we will just re-shoot every scene you were in and still get the movie out on time.” This is what ejection from the workplace looks like.

There’s a lot of dreadful advertising out there, especially for sports team, but most of it fades into the superficial tapestry of suburban life. You disregard it and move on with your day. But this is a downright affront to the intelligence of anyone with an operational brainstem.

Somebody somewhere had to sit in the Orange County office and say “How are we going to make a real statement for the National Hockey League?”

“I’ve got a great idea…”

And someone else had to say, “Wait a minute – what if we ignore all of the headlines out there and make a video skit that screams sexual harassment?”

And then the first someone probably built on this thought with something like, “How about we pick the guy on out known for pranking people so we will have an ‘out’ should some of the overly sensitive demographic object?”

At which point high fives were exchanged and comps were briefed into a designer with an online extension learning degree, access to an Better Call Saul-like video crew, and a deep appreciation of how women were treated at the office in the 1960s.”

But here’s the most distressing part. The Ducks brass had to buy into this. Someone in charge of an actual marketing department had to say to themselves “You know what? I think this is going to work. We slap this baby all over social media and everyone without access to basic news is going to be hunched over laughing and re-watching it until it goes viral. We’re going to turn our Internet feed into the embodiment of how Don Draper and Roger Sterling treated their staffs in Mad Men.”

So did Anaheim wind up calling? Nope, they decided to issued a non-apology and evil wins again:

Here’s how the smart NHL teams wished the NHL a happy birthday:

–>

The post ANAHEIM DUCKS: You Should Have Called The Media Guy! appeared first on Media Guy Struggles.

Surfing around Amazon today and I came across an oldie but a goodie written by yours truly: European and American Paintings and Sculptures 1870-1970, in the Australian National Gallery Hardcover – 1992. Yeah, you can buy the book on Amazon but the $1800 price tag might scare you aware from this out-of-print beauty.

In a related story, there’s no truth to the rumor that the book has gold-tipped pages. It’s just hard to find these days. Yet, I digress…

Okay, so where am I?

I’m on a bit of a retreat as I search my soul to find a handful of Big Ideas for some upcoming campaigns. It’s a lovely property with butler service, 24-hour gourmet room service, sounds of the ocean from my lanai, and a pond with huge lily pads. It’s the perfect mix of civilization and nature that inspired the right blend of inspiration and meditation to spark the creative juices.

A good place to start the creative process is to look at what’s out there. The more I scrape the bottom of the creative barrel, the older I know I am. I mean, I feel like I’m the only guy that watches television commercials anymore, but based on the soaring budgets for these spots and the cost to do media buys, the more I know it’s simply a myth that commercials don’t work. They do, and when you get a solid spot with a decent media plan, the word spreads fast.

So there I am flipping through shows and maybe the worst example yet of awful, New Age “femvertising” pops up in the form of a Special K commercial…take a peek:

Wait, whaaaaaat? As a reformed misogynist, every time I see a spot like this I feel like I’m reverting to my old Mel Gibson What Women Want ways and needing a good hair dryer zap to fully get me in tune with advertising geared at women.

So there I was watching this commercial saying “who in the holy hell is writing these inane commercials” while looking for a pencil to jab into my eye so I could stop the pain of ingesting these kinds of ads. Any wouldn’t you know it, there wasn’t a pencil to be found to end the suffering.

If you don’t think I’m a man of simple tastes and pleasures ask me what the highlight of my last vacations was…

Waiting…

Still waiting…

A properly-filled scantron was the first step towards an A test!

Give up? Well, I checked into beautiful European hotel and boy they don’t skimp on the super neat amenities. In my room, sitting atop the note pads on a Resolute Desk replica were elegant golden pencils. New pencils. Erasers unused with lead at a fine point. My memory drifted back to a noisy fourth grade classroom as I searched for the fresh scent of new pencil shavings as the formed a mini mountain underneath the manual sharpener.

Memories moved to the odd lectures from mostly well-intended teachers urging you to fill the circles completely on your scantron in order to receive proper credit for all of your guesses answers. Remember your teachers reminding you to use your mighty yellow Ticonderoga pencils with the ever-important number two lead? I sure do! Begrudgingly tolerated the of the mechanical pencil.

Try and find a pencil at home or in your office these days. Impossible! What ever happened to the noble pencil?

Most of this monster was started with a pencil…

History romanticizes the quill pen. It begrudgingly tolerated the unnatural abomination of the mechanical pencil. It resigned itself to the mass production of Bic’s ballpoint. And all the while, the pencil was there being taken for granted and waiting for nostalgia to sweep it back into relevance.

Yeah, we are still waiting and waiting for that to happen.

It wasn’t pens that beggars sold from their tin cups during the Great Depression, it was pencils. The world greatest sketches and poetry arose from lead points. Even the art of pencil sharpening was a way to both take a break during a difficult quiz and simultaneous show off to your classmates as you shaved the wood head with economical strokes that told your world you were a true craftsman.

All of this was during my time when cursive writing wasn’t banned in school and pencilmanship was still a grade that counted towards your elementary GPA. It was a time when the US Postal Service bustled with snail speed to deliver the letters we wrote on fine linen stock. I digress yet again.

At the end, I called several of my female friends, imploring them to watch the Special K commercial with me on youtube and the general consensus was that the spot was terrible and they were searching for pencils too.

The moral of the story? The marketing execs at Kellogg’s or even the ad men at Leo Burnett (the agency that handles Special K) should have called the Media Guy to write their “We Own It” spot. I guarantee you I would have crushed it, Clio-style or worked for free.

Looking back though, I thank America’s apathy for the pencil for saving my left eye as I searched for that Big Idea today!

Grazi…

Epilogue

Check out this fun story about a professional pencil sharpener with Mo Rocca of CBS Sunday Morning:

The post KELLOGG’S: You Should Have Called The Media Guy! appeared first on Media Guy Struggles.

I’m waiting by the phone hoping Indra Nooyi, the CEO of PepsiCo, dials my ten digits so we can discuss their latest Kendall Jenner spot. I mean, I feel for Indra Nooyi because how many people at Pepsi are going to get fired? I say this is because I can’t remember the last time a big corporation with deep pockets making this kind of advertising mistake. Before I get going on another media rant, take a look at the ad…

Isn’t it lovely how the cola giant joined the fray in capitalizing on a Trump America where big business appropriates real feelings and related imagery from serious protests to sell product? All the while, corporations are minimizing the danger protesters encounter and the frustrations that inevitably get pushed within.

In a bit of Hollywood fantasy, the ad’s climactic scene shows a police officer accepting a can of Pepsi from Kendall Jenner, setting off riotous approval from the protesters and an appreciative grin from the officer. This is precisely the opposite of real-world experiences of protesting police brutality. Who knew police officers just needed a Pepsi to stop beating and shooting civilians?

Back to the rant…

…it’s bad enough to have an ad that people don’t care about, but what you cannot do with your media buy is produce a national spot attached to your product that people despise. You just can’t do it and I am shocked that this even made it to air because it had to go through so many approval cycles jsut to get produced. This isn’t one person’s decision, there are executives after executive weighing in. A production team, writing staff, and more.

So we’ve arrived in 2017 in an interesting place where Steve Harvey messed up the Miss Universe announcement…when the Oscars get botched by Faye Dunaway (yes her and NOT Warren Beaty)…when Mariah Carey can get furious while lip-syncing onstage on New Year’s Eve…that truly bad publicity is good publicity. We’ve arrived in a place where you get more attention by botching things to the point where you might think that some people might actually do things badly for the extra publicity.

But this mindset can’t be what Pepsi was going for with the Jenner spot. My guess is that if you asked Pepsi, “would you like to go back and do it over again?” that they would jump on the opportunity. They are just too big to make such a colossal blunder. You never want this hatred anywhere near your marketing and advertising.

Lady on the left: “Hey, Kendall, why are you pawning your wig off to me?”

Maybe they were looking for genius to be assigned to them for this campaign, simply on the merits that nearly all of their ads work. There was no genius in this work and no brilliant strategy that this would get people talking and thus help the brand. I’m finding it difficult to believe that after all of the pop star ads and not-so-subtle shade at Coca-Cola that Pepsi wants to be edgy.

Alternative thinking was that Pepsi was jumping on board with the notion of being socially responsible would give them a leg up. Oh goodness no!

This is why you do focus groups and you send the spot to the team for a looksee and enable your staff to have a voice. The hope is that someone, anyone would speak up. Maybe someone spoke up and maybe they didn’t.

C’mon Indra, one call to the Media Guy—before you spent millions on a campaign like this.—could have solved all of your issues. A simple review of your story boards or creative brief by your new Commissioner of Common Sense (that’s me) would have saved all that embarrassment. My moderate salary or retainer fee would have already paid for itself.

A Pepsi Google search looks something like this…

A bit of advice…the ONE THING you cannot do with your advertising is offend the public at large. If you’re working in your our creative vacuum or within a creative team and I ask, “what’s the worst case scenario on our ad and how people react?”…what’s the response?

The worst case scenario is definitely “offending the viewers” and staining the brand with offensive publicity. You want people to like your product. You don’t want them talking about how another Jenner/Kardashian is jinxing your brand. These are same people who pixelate logos and brands out of their television shows.

So here we have Kendall Jenner catwalking down the street from Privilege Island to sell some cola while sashaying through real protests is at the height of misconceived notions. Staggering in its stupidity if you will.

With this in mind I feel sorry for the people who will be fired because today people are talking about Pepsi, only to laugh at it.

So Indra, one final time, please, for the sake of your brand: call me back. You’ll be happy you did.

UPDATE – April 5, 2017:

The post PEPSI: You Should Have Called The Media Guy! appeared first on Media Guy Struggles.