Where else would I be but at the office, where I spend 60 hours of every non-vacation week. I am trying to get that inspiration for, not only that new campaign that’s due on Friday, but also that mysterious new commercial campaign for Smokey the Bear. My cluttered office and desk isn’t helping my forward thrust…

…or is it…?

From NBC’s The Office:

Michael: “They say a cluttered desk means a cluttered mind. Well I say that an empty desk means a…” 

Dwight: “Empty mind.” 

Michael: “No, that’s not… no, that’s not what I was going to say.”

On any given day, my office might be described as “antique store chic.” On a bad one? A garage sale from the sixties.

The words, concepts and occasional dumpster fire springing from this laptop follow a similar pattern. This isn’t Mad Men with their fancy set dressers with unlimited budgets, and there’s no grandiose or calculated master decor scheme. Just a bunch of things that I like and some I have earned.

I have no interest in protracted exposure to junk that I can’t stand, especially in the modern era where you you can bring in inspirational inducing items at the click of a button. I’m all about immersing myself around karma voodoo in the form of good luck juju and the eclectic aura of neat things. It’s my hope that surrounding myself with these things that I’m subconsciously fostering work that will rub off on my team as well.

The Mercedes of Candy Jars
One of these mid-century marvels sits tall and proud on the corner of my desk on the fifth floor (easily the best collection of creative minds this side of those fancy boutique agencies up north in Silicon Valley). In lieu of constantly begging co-workers and staff to stay for meetings, this is the next best thing. The bait of sitting through another of my long-winded stories and analysis, I set out this bait in the form of Hershey’s Kisses. My 14K gold rimmed jar holds a full gallon of these babies. Amazon loves my frequent orders (I talk a lot.)

Go
No office should ever be without some hockey stuff, so here’s a kitschy bobblehead featuring Los Angeles Kings mascot Bailey with a simple handheld sign saying: “Go”. Not only is the king of the jungle encouraging you to climb every mountain, but also he could be saying “get the hell out of my office, resulting in a true win-win.

The Book Pyramid
Reading is the backbone of knowledge. Sometimes when the creativity is blocked I read a paragraph or two to get it all following again. Think: Mental Ex-Lax. Also book #1, $7, and #9 were written by me and that’s pretty cool when someone wants to challenge writing styles…so that’s pretty cool.

Dear Mike:
Jeff Katzenberg missed me one day and (actually) penned a note to prove it. I feel like Sally Field* every time I read this. And, yes, that’s an autographed 8×10 from Uncle Miltie.

National Order of the Cedar
Getting an award from a foreign government is never easy. But the work to earn one can be a fun one. In the mid- to late-2000s, I convinced the (some of the) world that the Middle East was a great place for American tourists (before the W., the Arab Spring and Hillary ruined it all) to visit on vacation. In true Lebanese hospitality, the municipality of Beirut awarded me this fancy medal as a thank you in 2006. Oh, I have stories…just pull up a chair and grab some Hershey’s Kisses.

Vlad, The Russian Ghost
I tell people the Russian Ghost is there to talk to the real ghosts in my office. Truth be told, the ghost is a prop from the Disney Story when that had rad displays that harkened back to the New York City Windows of yesterday. The chapeau that sits atop Vlad is an authentic Soviet Officer’s handcrafted at the end of the Communist era in my great grandparent’s hometown of Odessa. Robert Mueller never called to investigate if Vlad was involved in the election hacking, so it didn’t go as poorly as it could have. Either way, he’s probably safer here channeling to the spirits that visit after dusk.

Nuts
Everyone wants to be a good dad and this jar of roasted and salted peanuts was a Father’s Day gift, circa 2004. I try to trick myself into believing the label was typed by my son. I do know, however, that the peanuts on top were painted by him. Don’t eat my nuts, they are at least 14 years old now.

The Oscar of Advertising
I saw a Clio Award on eBay for $149 for the opening bid. Mine was much more expensive: it cost me my first marriage.

Vintage Photography
I fancy myself as a photographer. To prove it, I have my original Kodak Instamatic and Brownie cameras.

The Voice of the Proletariat 
Even when you are part of management you have to connect with the people. I mean, everyone wants their voice heard. I picked up this Solidarity flag on a trip to Poland so the informed in the office know I believe in the people. It hangs in front of my Bourgeois first place golf trophy I won at some country club in 1999.

Judging Fish
This quotation alludes to a long-standing allegorical framework. It is inappropriate to judge an animal by focusing on a skill which the creature does not possess. A fish is specialized to swim superbly, and its ability to climb a tree is non-existent or rudimentary. In the workplace, I believe that you find what someone is good at and keep them in that lane until they want, and can handle more. The result? I’ve had the same team for nearly five years. Work happiness equals real happiness.

* – Sally Field

See her speech for winning the Oscar® for Best Actress for her performance in “Places in the Heart” at the 57th Academy Awards® in 1985…skip to the 03:34 mark to the money quote.

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“Writer’s block is only a failure of the ego.”

― Norman Mailer

Beatrice Woods iconic Blandman’s Ball Artwork

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I found a stimulating choice for a writer’s room. One that’s ideal even if your budget is tight and you have two left hands when it comes to home improvement. The Burd Haward Architects’ self-assembled, pre-fabricated kit is available for around $7500. Just add foliage to grow to conceal the recessed ply façade and roof.

Leo Tolstoy’s writing desk

Innovative rotunda for National Geographic’s Wade Davis

Alfred Hitchcock with writer Pete Martin. 1957.

William Faulkner’s trusty typewriter in his Oxford, MS home office.

An aspiring writer at Shakespeare & Co.

Ray Bradbury in his office.

Books aplenty in food writer’s Nigella Lawson’s writer’s office.

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