The Bachelor Archives - Media Guy Struggles

The Bachelor…ABC Television’s guilty pleasure

The Media Guy — Fri, 17 Feb 2012 20:14:00 +0000

I watch it because I wonder if people are really like this or not. I watch it for the single guy who always seems to be falling in love with six women at a time. I watch it for the women who smile and then eviscerate each other at the drop of a bikini top. And, I almost forgot, there’s more drinking going on than at Senor Frog’s on a Saturday night.

Most wouldn’t expect this type of beauty from Belize.

So Monday, I sat down to watch in my television salute to Valentine’s Day.

This week’s destination brought the six remaining contestants and Ben to the tropical island of Belize. For those of you who whom I haven’t bored to death with my travel stories, I want to tell you that I love Belize. It’s ingrained into the fingerprint of my heart. I was there last year for the burgeoning Belize Film Festival that showcases pristine beaches and a renewed thirst for tourism. My first real girlfriend was from there and not only was her beauty representative of the people there, but her essence lit up the room when she entered. You’ll find those qualities nearly everywhere you go and everyone you meet.

This episode really pushed the envelope on adventure tourism. Swimming with sharks, jumping from helicopters into the ocean, lobster diving. You name it and it was probably happening. There were snakes. Well, only one snake: the vicious viper Courtney. The model who manipulates the lip-smacking, floppy-haired Bachelor Ben, with her evil web of Machiavellian dating. Summoning the venom that would make any poisonous succubus envious, Courtney makes The Bachelor worth watching despite the water cooler talk from the ladies who say, “I want to kick her in the neck!”

The head viper: Courtney

This week she made out with Ben on top of a Mayan temple while millions of Americans fumed and screamed at the television. Courtney, oh Courtney, you are one evil raptor that stalks the reality show landscape. However, for me that’s not what enraged my spirit. What also enrages me most is why Ben takes credit for all of these dates. His pseudo-humble bragging “I have a great date planned. We are going to take a helicopter to the top of some Mayan ruins that most people can only dream of…” Then the girls gush about how romantic he is and how he really cared to plan the perfect day. I thought maybe I was being jealous of Big Ben, but my text messages from buddies who also indulge in the spectacle of The Bachelor, let me know that he’s sliding by on the merits of his party planning producers.

We all know that he didn’t plan that those sumptuous outings. It was most likely some assistant producer that staked out Belize a year prior that planned these dates. Or perhaps it was some poor marketing schlub who didn’t even get to go there who worked out the logistics one early morning with the representatives from the Belize Tourism Authority. You know marketing guys/girls and football linemen really get the short end of it all. They do the heavy lifting and protect the stars of this world. But, the minute one thing out of 100 goes awry, they take the worst of the abuse. Yet I digress…

“Hey Ben, just stop the madness…”

Shout out to Ben: Stop taking credit for the elaborate romantic dates and let the ladies know it won’t be like this when you have to start picking grapes at your vineyard in harvest season!

…and back to the show…

Next week are the hometown dates, so this week was critical to whom Ben will ultimate choose to be the next Bachelor relationship that breaks up right after the reunion show. For those of you who don’t know what a hometown date is, it’s when Ben gets to meet the families of the Final Four Women. (Note: you don’t meet his family unless you make the Final Two.) Now those hometown dates will cause some serious shrinkage (if you know what I mean), and fast when you go and meet the families might be a tad off [read: weirdos]. It happens all of the time. Remember last season when Brad went to Shawntel N’s hometown and saw her handiwork as the funeral director? He couldn’t get on his ABC-sponsored chartered jet fast enough. Next week is really the apex of the season. Do yourself a favor and don’t miss it.

So for one hour and fifty-five minutes they teased it to the end if Courtney would get the rose or not. But in the end, even after a side conversation in the middle of the rose ceremony, Ben kept Courtney. The sad part was that he sent home the fun-loving, out going, real girl Emily to keep an average-looking mean-spirited model who can’t get along nicely with others.

Next week is really the apex of the season. Do yourself a favor and don’t miss it. Watch it here: Season 16, Episode 7.

Who wouldn’t want to make out with the person of their choice on the top of a Mayan ruin?

Happy post Valentine’s Day. Watch the show here:

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Lost and Found at the Sundance Film Festival

The Media Guy — Sun, 22 Jan 2012 21:19:00 +0000

I have to get to the Sundance Film Festival red carpet in Park City, Utah for the screening of “Ethel,” a documentary about the 83-year-old political matriarch Ethel Kennedy, the widow of Robert F. Kennedy. Word has it that Taylor Swift will be there and we all know that the chance to interview her is on my leap list (more on “leap lists” later).

The stars of Lay the Favorite – Bruce Willis, Corbin Bernson, Rebecca Hall, Laura Prepon and Joshua Jackson.

For me, the best way to travel to here is to walk. It’s not a good idea to go on interview row stressed out after slaloming through insane Utah drivers. In my humble opinion, Utahonians are among the nation’s worst drivers. It’s not that they don’t know how to drive. It’s just that they ignore the rules of the road; perhaps preoccupied with the gorgeous mountains. I once saw a guy do a u-turn on the main drag – yes they still call it the “main drag” in smaller towns there — to snag a parking spot. The fact that an park ranger was in high pursuit of a sapling poacher was careening down the street didn’t seem to deter him.

The last place you want to have a heart attack is in Park City, Utah.

Since the weather’s suddenly turned cool, 16 degrees at last check, I put on my black Hugo Boss to complement my jeans and black shoes, grab the phone number for the media driver service and head down to the lobby. The card they gave me in my media pack said the car would arrive in 10 minutes or less and true to their written word, they arrived in nine minutes. As I pile in the back of the car, I’m starting to fumbled with my camera to make sure the lens is clean and there’s enough room on the memory are. Yeah, I know…this is something that I should have done last night. As I’m doing so I see a pair of glasses sitting on top of a copy of the Economist. Next to it is a pile of chocolate chip cookies inside a Tupperware.

“Someone forgot their treats,” I say to the driver.

“Those were here when I started today,” he says. “Can you believe someone forgot all that?”

The Armani glasses were too expensive to take, but the driver insisted to crack open the Tupperware and “get energized” with the decadent-looking cookies. Now I’m nervous, because all of the chit-chat is putting me behind schedule. I have to get to the line on time on lose my spot. With the exception of a couple of cookies, I leave the lonely looking effects behind as we arrive in the nick of time. But as I settle down at my taped off spot, I can’t help but wonder, why did this person leave those things behind? What’s the story here?

And so my mind wandered as the stars make their way down the red carpet. Question after question – star after star.

…Sigourney Weaver…Lake Bell…Kate Bosworth…

Sigourney Weaver on the Sundance Red Carpet

Was he talking on his cell phone or playing Words With Friends on his iPhone? You know recently I read somewhere that all the texting, web surfing and smart phoning we do is wrecking our attention spans. (Huh? What were you saying?

…Jacqueline Siegel…Emma Roberts…Quincy Jones…

Did he get laid off work and set up an “office” at Starbucks like I did when I was writing my first screenplay?

What about the cookies? (Man, these are so good!) Were they for a co-worker’s birthday party? Or maybe a suck-up gift for his boss?

…Rebecca Hall…Bruce Willis…Joshua Jackson…Laura Prepon…Corbin Bernsen

All good questions, however, I’m putting my money on affairs of the heart. This guy probably got into a fight with his high maintenance significant other and just forgot where he was. Yes, my mind was all over the place. After all, the red carpet can maim the mind and soul. But now the only story that worries me is the one I will never know.

…Rory and Ethel Kennedy and girl I was stalking, Taylor Swift…

Rory Kennedy (L) with Taylor Swift (R)

Taylor Swiff

The light goes on and I start talking into my mike, trying to get a sound bite for my assignment. I ponder why Taylor Swift was out en force walking the red carpet arm-in-arm with Mrs. Kennedy as if she were part of American Camelot.

Here’s another story I will never know, because the elusive Ms. Swift declined all interview requests to explain her curiosity in HBO’s upcoming documentary.

At least I had my cookies and some nice pictures…

UPDATE: 26 August 2012

Now we now why Ms. Swift did not do interviews and was on the Kennedy Red Carpet! Read the link…

DIGRESSIONS

Earlier I mentioned a “leap list.” That’s because this terrifying new season of the Bachelor got this phrase into my head. For those of you who don’t watch my favorite gossip show, a leap list is a list of things one wants to do before a big milestone in their life.

Above, Bachelor Ben walks with three women who could be his fiancé very soon on a day where the producer convinced the San Francisco to close an entire street and cover it in fake snow. Of course, for some reason everyone skied half naked. I mean, that happens every day in California, right? Just another reason to tune in every Monday night on ABC: near nude skiing and cool phrases like leap lists.

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