Last week, I decided to take a few days off and fly up to Portland, an attractive city where the people are friendly and the food is amazing. It’s a short flight. My friend has a place there so I figured, why not?

When the cab dropped me off at LAX, I was shocked to discover the place was packed. It still looked like the day before Thanksgiving. What the hell was going on?

Agents are a curious breed, so I decided to ask around and every single traveler gave me the same answer: They were all actors flying home after spending pilot season in L.A.

To make matters worse, they looked broken, like soldiers leaving a war zone. I felt bad for them because I knew they had made a fatal mistake. You see, L.A. isn’t a place you can visit for a few months and then abandon. You have to commit if you want to get anything in return.

The whole concept of coming to L.A. from January to March hoping to score a pilot is insane—it just doesn’t make sense. And if you don’t already have decent representation here, you might as well stay home and try inventing time travel. Your odds of success are about the same.

Dear Amazon – take a flyer on this hidden gem!

First of all, no agent will sign you in January because they just spent the last few months building up their client list for pilot season. Second, casting directors who don’t know you aren’t going to have time to meet you because they’re too busy casting pilots. And third, if by some miracle you actually got a chance to audition for a series regular role, you won’t have the experience to do well in that kind of high-pressure setting.

Another problem you’ll have to face is the competition. There are already thousands of actors here who are just like you, except they have representation and several casting fans. They’re the ones who will be auditioning for pilots, not you.

So here’s what you have to consider. If you’re living in any city other than L.A. (with the possible exception of New York) and you’re interested in booking a pilot, this is the time of year you need to start thinking about making the big move West.

But don’t kid yourself. Even if you get here by summer, I’m not suggesting you’ll be ready for pilot season by the start of 2017. Ha! I’m talking 2018, because you’ll need at least that much time to find representation, meet the casting community, and establish yourself as an actor worth hiring. (And that’s assuming you actually have some talent and a fair share of luck.)

Why so long? Well, ask yourself this: What kind of actors book pilots? Answer: the ones who work in television. That’s why dropping in for a few months without TV credits makes you look clueless, like a hick who fell off the turnip truck.

And please don’t kid yourself with tales of actors who booked pilots with almost no experience. Sure, that happens once or twice a year but those people are outliers and they don’t represent the whole. You can’t assume that if one person out of thousands ends up winning the lottery then you will too. That’s false logic and a deluded way to live.

So make a commitment. Rent an apartment. Buy a car. And send the city some flowers. Who knows? If you show L.A. a little love, she just might love you back.


Article first appeared as Secret Agent Man in Backstage.

The post Do You Want to Make a TV Show? appeared first on Media Guy Struggles.

“Paint the wall red and I’ll see if I like it…” 

So starts the long journey of getting the Media Guy Struggles green lit as a pilot or even a bona fide television show.

Okay, so where am I?

The table reading is kind of like painting the wall red and seeing if the powers to be like it. The actors and actresses have to put on a fabulous show for my would-be Japanese producers. The producers were so enthusiastic about the prospects of a Media Guy Struggles television show that they financed a day-long event with out-of-work actors looking for pocket change and a shot to add a pilot to their IMDB profiles.

So what’s the Media Guy Struggles about, you ask? What was the tasty pitch that whetted the appetite of Far East producersenough to put together a full cast to hear a table read?

(Hmmmmmm…I hesitate to put this online for anyone to take as muse, but since it’s registered with the Writer’s Guild of America (WGA Registration Number: 1489628), I feel safe that there is a measure of recourse to force intellectual thieves to put me on a show as an Executive Producer at the very least.)

Well…

The Media Guy Struggles can best be described as Mad Men meets The Office with a touch of Ballers mixed in. Being the Media Guy isn’t easy for (loosely) fictional Alex Logan, aged 42, Vice President of Media (aka The Media Guy) at the (loosely) fictional Larger Than Life advertising agency. As the Media Guy struggles to balance office politics and the new conflicts of social media vs. traditional media, he’s haunted that after 25 years of traveling the globe as a premium ad man, the landscape is changing. 

With a skeptical eye and a 10,000-foot perspective on the world, Logan believes he has all of the answers for all things media and advertising related—and he usually does with the help of his faithful associates and his best friend. With the respect of the office and their off-beat client base, what could possibly go sideways for the Media Guy? Things get nervous, and hilarious, when hits the road in this unfiltered, self-analyzing look at advertising along with the media and the madcap workforce that drives it. 

With three degrees, 20 years on the job and witty personality, the Media Guy has life at the agency wired. That is until life’s minutiae gets in the way. Things like Arrogant Bob from accounting’s per diem denial, the dreaded networking event, running into old crushes, contemplating new secret identities, channeling Jane Goodall’s Tanzanian monkeys, the battle to compartmentalize life’s segments, the socialistic traumas of the group brainstorming session…and above all his search for great stories to tell.

The scene than got the biggest boost went something like this:

INT. LARGER THAN LIFE – RECEPTION
The curvaceous MORGAN sachets down the hallway, leading clients to their respective account executives. Along the way, MIYA can be seen wiggling into a designer dress flaunting her obvious assets in the wardrobe room and the MEDIA GUY is polishing a flamethrower in his adjacent office.

There were tears, laughter, and heated moments emitting from the words on my pilot script. At the conclusion of the table read there was a energetic applause from the seated cast. The applause seemed to come not from a place of “Yeah!” but “Wow, this Media Guy stuff might actually have some legs.”

Now the hard part: the waiting game.

Here’s to hoping for that green light, whether it be tomorrow, next week, or next year.

—–

Want to see what a table read is like? Watch the Family Guy table read from the “Jedi” episode:

The post The Table Read appeared first on Media Guy Struggles.

I just finished refereeing the kids in our belated Father’s Day trip to see Finding Dory. Better than the first installment (Finding Nemo), the family movie was just the trick to soften stubbornness and unite the already close clan we are. Media bonds the family. All you have to do is put in the time. Yet, I am already digressing.

Better than the original.

I spent the last couple of week’s closely connected to Californian’s Bay Area. Both the NBA Finals and the NHL’s Stanley Cup Final were set in NoCal. Fans from both sports were ready to hoist the Larry O’Brien Championship Trophy and Stanley Cup in the same week. Can anyone say dueling parades?

Alas (and much to my glee) both Bay Area teams lost in their home arenas in the deciding games. The NBA Finals captivated America. Take a look at these numbers:

• Game Seven was was the most-watched NBA game this century, averaging 30.8 million viewers, and peaking at 44.5 million viewers with less than a minute left. 
• Locally, the game notched the second-highest rating ever for an NBA game, with a 39.4 rating in San Francisco and 46.3 rating in title-starved Cleveland.
• This year’s Finals rematch has been a boon for ABC television. The network had its two most-watched series since it began airing NBA games in the 2002-03 season. But with the series extending to a seventh game, ABC topped an average of 20 million viewers for the series (20.16 million), 

The strong ratings for the 2016 NBA Finals capped a healthy ad market for the entire playoffs. Kantar Media reports an estimated $570 million was spent on advertising for the playoffs (April 16-May 30) leading up to the NBA Finals.

The same kind of positive news, however, cannot be reported by the National Hockey League.

Lebron James lifted the NBA ratings to the best in a decade.

According to Nielsen live-plus-same-day data, the six-game series between the San Jose Sharks and the Pittsburgh Penguins averaged only just 4 million viewers and a 2.3 household rating. This was the third lowest-rated Final since 2006. Deliveries (viewers and household ratings) were down almost 30% when compared to last year’s average (5.53 million viewers, 3.2 household rating), while the demo declined 22% to a 1.4 among adults 18-to-49. What does all of this mumbo-jumbo mean? It means that the NHL is a trouble.

Don’t get me wrong, nothing broke right for this year’s Stanley Cup Final. Take a look at this recipe for rating’s disaster…

• Bad Matchups. The Sharks vs. the Penguins. The Bay Area is hardly a hockey bastion, while Pittsburgh is one of the most despised franchises east of the Mississippi.
• No US-Based Original Six Team. Ratings traditionally to soar when teams representing old-school, hockey-mad urban centers like Boston, Detroit, Chicago and New York are suited up in the final. In 2013, NBC posted its highest numbers in 2013, when the Chicago Blackhawks-Boston Bruins grudge match mustered up 5.76 million viewers, a 3.3 household rating and a 2.2 in the 18-to-49 demo.
• The Schedule. The series hit the ice on the Monday after Memorial Day weekend, when TV viewing is as low as it gets (save Christmas) and played against game seven of the ratings mad NBA Western Conference Finals. 
• Bad Network Choices. Games 2 and 3 aired on NBCSN, which reaches only 70% of all U.S. TV homes. Ratings dropped accordingly. 
• Game of Thrones. Game 6, which wound up being the deciding game of the Final, was scheduled for Sunday night. What’s the big deal? The game was forced to square off against Game of Thrones and the NHL was not ready to sit on the Iron Throne. The clinching game drew 5.41 million viewers and a 1.9 rating among adults 18-to-49, while the warring Westeros clans delivered a 7.6 million viewers and a 3.9 in the demo.

Ugh.

Tomorrow, I’ll post my open letter to NHL Commissioner Gary Bettman and the new owner of the expansion Las Vegas franchise on how to make hockey work in Vegas.

Of course, Gary Bettman got mercilessly booed as he presented the Stanley Cup. I’m sure NBC Sports was booing as well.

The post Playoff Ratings – The Tale of Two Bays appeared first on Media Guy Struggles.

Conceptualize the campaign.
Craft the copy.
Art direct the graphics designers.
Gain approvals.
Go into production.
Rinse and repeat.

The life of the Media Guy isn’t always so tame and simple…especially with the cameras role. Ah, the drama. Perhaps the biggest drama what you encounter behind the scenes.

In the not-too-distant past, I had to babysit one of those sweet-on-the-surface, yet vicious maneaters.

Winston Churchill once said, “When you’re going through hell, keep on driving.” What’s hell like when you’re babysitting a maneater / diva? Keep on reading…

Watch out boy, she’ll chew you up!

…She has a wry, vivacious smile. Her smirk lets you know she was forever up to something. The California blonde with piercing blue eyes stopped all in her path. She lucked into the lead in television pilot. And despite the fact that dozens and dozens of pilots are made every year (only a few make it to air) she was already planning her Hollywood Walk of Fame ceremony. The pandering folk whose bills were paid by her fleeting stardom, made her into a poster child for entitlement. I was no different. My assignment was to keep her happy and show her around Los Angeles. My time with her would be well spent I was told because it would be easier to ghostwrite her blog for the new show.

Uhm, ok.

What really ensued — in the immortal words of Jerry McGuire — was “an up-at-dawn, pride-swallowing siege that I will never fully tell you about.” Here’s a quick rundown of what happened around town:

The Producer’s “Punk-Ass Car.”


So where are we? We’re driving down Cahuenga Boulevard after a private shoot at the Hollywood Bowl and she spots the producer of her show driving two cars in front of us in his vintage 1960’s Mini Cooper. She starts laughing and pointing at his red cherry car, saying “Look at this guy and his punk-ass car. It’s like a roller coaster car. Where are the clowns? Oh there he is driving! He’s on of those executives who wants to be all cool in his fake hipster car.”

So we both turn into the sound stage parking lot where the filming will be later in the day, and she sees the producer jumping out of his car. “HEY HEY HEY Honeeeeeyyy! I was watching you for miles and miles. I told Michael here that this was your punk-ass car.” So great. Not only did she insult her boss, but she insulted mine. She didn’t care. All she wanted was her 140-degree coffee from Starbucks.

Phone Booth “Fun”

The only person more neurotic than a copywriter on deadline is the Maneating Diva when someone is trying to steal her spotlight. “There she is! That self-loathing bitch!,” she said of her sweet, brunette co-star with equally stunning green eyes. “She’s a awkward, obnoxious dork. We’ve had fistfights, cat fights and shouting matches. Everywhere I turn, there she is!”

As much as the Diva was an up-and-coming nobody, the Self-Loathing B was at least a B-level star [think Baywatch]. Yet I digress…

…Apparently the Maneating Diva and the Self-Loathing B have had their issues on the set — giving a co-star’s boyfriend a Benadryl-laced brownie can strain a friendship you know — and their real-life relationship has its moments as well. Like the time the Self-Loathing B invited the Maneating Diva to a group therapy session, only to have the anxieties of twenty waitresses, er, actresses, send her running.

Now, the Self-Loathing B admits to being in therapy for ten years now, and says she’s even tried to persuade her directors to go with her. “She went in and out,” the B said. “She ran out once when I took her. Ran out! In group therapy! We caught her in a phone booth on Hollywood Boulevard hiding from ten neurotic actresses. And we’re saying, ‘You need us!’ And she’s saying, ‘I don’t need anybody!’ And she wouldn’t come out. And I don’t know if she ever went back to therapy.”

The Germaphobe

Judging from the photo on the left — and I'[m sure you are — the Maneater can be a real germaphobe and she is! No hair stylist is allowed to touch her hair without non-latex gloves. So usually, she does her hair herself. My favorite thing to do to her was when we had to stop to eat, I would come out of the men’s room going like this [shaking both hands and leaning in for a hug]. And she will not shake hands or get near you for days if she’s seen you go to the bathroom.”

All of this might seam pedestrian — like creating a media campaign on Thursday — but let me tell you it’s no picnic. Be warned! The Maneater will you you up. Boy will she ever. So how do you spot one away from the movie set? Read on…

Spotting a Maneater

Whether her actions are blatantly visible or tactfully discrete, familiarity with the characteristics of a maneater will help in spotting one instantly. The male equivalent, often referred to as a player, is praised and envied. When a woman mirrors the moves of a player, she is regularly begrudged by women and loathed by men – merely because they cannot have her. Ever since Nelly Furtado’s release of the notable hit Maneater in 2006, I’ve been fascinated by the woman that “you wish you never ever met her at all.” After understanding the characteristics of a maneater, you’ll know when you’re in the presence of one and even how to mimic her if that’s your desire!

1. CALLS THE SHOTS
Of all the characteristics of a maneater, bossiness is never absent. She makes the decisions according to her own time and needs leaving the man utterly powerless. A maneater rarely initiates contact, and when called or texted, she chooses if the man’s worthy of her time before responding. Meetings occur if, where, and when she wants. Her attention is so difficult to grasp that, to a man, it’s disguised as a reward. If he fails to see things her way, he quickly returns to her list of nobodies.

2. NEVER IMPRESSED
When a man no longer considers fulfilling a women’s wishes a challenge, he will begin to lose interest. While avoiding acting repulsed, she will instead act unmoved by his attempts at impressing her. His natural response is to try harder because he’s failed to measure up to men she is used to. Although she may tender a “thank you” and reward him here and there, she will always give the impression that his efforts could be better – in order to conspicuously abolish his ego. If she and the man are sexually active, she’ll use this as a leverage. For all the things he does for her, he earns a rightfully deserved sexual encounter – and more importantly, scarcely rare.

3. DISAPPEARS FROM THE FACE OF THE EARTH
Every maneater has a knack for the disappearing act. A woman’s absence makes a man yearn for the slightest speck of attention. He’ll wonder for days what he did wrong, who replaced him, and if he’ll ever get her back. Undermining his confidence will only inflate hers because she’s succeeded at making him feel lame. This will cause the man to try millenniums harder to please her if she ever gives him the chance. Whether her disappearance lasts a few days or even months, he will be severely impacted by it.

4. MULTIPLE VICTIMS AT A TIME
The most necessary attribute of a maneater is the refusal of developing feelings. Receiving attention from multiple men at a time makes it easier for her to resist the temptation of falling for one of them. While instilling the fear that she at any time may move on to another man, she will stress to each one that they are the only one. Men don’t like to share, and if the woman they are pursuing is associating with other men, they may lose interest. She’ll avoid posting evidence to social media and portraying PDA simply to keep her options open.

5. AVOIDS RELATIONSHIPS
Although a maneater may at some point surrender to caring for someone other than herself, she will then be considered retired. Maneaters consider solely their own feelings, not those of others. A girl whose boyfriend is constantly on his knees longing to please her can often be mistaken for a maneater, but unless she’s not committed or invested in the relationship at all, she is not one. Some girls are sneaky and engage in relationships, only that are advantageous to them, while continuing to fraternize with other men. Remember, a maneater’s goal is to lure a man into an obsession with her and spits him out. This is, of course, until she finds a man who does the same to her!

6. EVERYONE ENVIES HER INDIVIDUALITY

She is unique, confident, and has the attention of every person in the room – including women. To be a maneater, you must be unafraid of being alone and unaffected by other people’s opinions. She knows the importance of always appearing beautiful, fashionable, and desirable. She does her own thing and doesn’t take notice of her competition because, in her opinion, she has none. It is important to maintain the composure of being the girl everyone wants to be – not jealous, insecure, or competitive. If a guy doesn’t want her, she forgets him and finds one that does.

7. GUY’S GIRL
A maneater is well versed in befriending men even if it is just as friends. She is accustomed to placing men in the friend zone because she only dates the best of the best. She’s used to watching the game, playing video games, and even shooting hoops with the guys. Men adore women that can be one of the guys. She exudes confidence while doing so and even uses this time to flirt around.

Maneating is a dangerous and not something you want to make a habit of! It can really come back to bite you in the butt, which is why it’s important to not be too heavily determined on mirroring these traits. Do you know a maneater, or are you one? Are there more characteristics you’d like to share?

The post The Maneater appeared first on Media Guy Struggles.