A little while back I wrote about how a tweet about Alex Rodriguez stopped a commercial shoot.

You can imagine what happened when Yankees shortstop sat down for a quick (less than 15 minutes) interview discussing being shut down for the season. Here’s the full interview…

How disappointed are you having to sit out the remainder of the season?
DJ: “Yeah, it’s very disappointing. I mean, to not to be able to play, especially this time of year. This is when you want to play. This is when I want to play the most and unfortunately that’s not the case. The entire year has been pretty much a nightmare for me physically, so I guess it’s fitting that it ends like this, huh?”

Does any part of you think it’s not going to heal?
DJ: “No, no, no. It’s healed.”

I mean, might the ankle never be the same again?
DJ: “No, I don’t think that. I’ve talked a lot with both our doctor, Dr. Anderson, and I think it’s – we think – that it’s just a matter of just haven’t had any strength. I haven’t been able to work out my legs, or lift my legs, since October of last year. The first time it broke, you can’t do anything weight-bearing, you can’t work out. I was cleared in spring training and then it was only a couple weeks before I had the second incident and we really think it’s just from a lack of strength. I’ve never been able to work out my legs, because when I came back I had two other legs issues because there was weakness and I think just having a normal offseason, getting back to being able to work out, no one foresees any other issues. [Jeter knocks on table].

Will you be able to do your normal workout this offseason?
DJ: “Yeah. That’s’ the key, to get the opportunity to have a normal offseason in terms of physically having an offseason to work out and strengthen things, which I was unable to do for obvious reasons.”

How much time will you take off now?
DJ: “I don’t know. I think it’s just like a normal offseason – is what I’ve been told. We really haven’t sat down. I mean, look, I was told this was the final decision an hour and a half ago, two hours ago, so it’s really not something I’ve given a lot of thought to. But I have been told it’s going to be a normal offseason. Take a few weeks, however long that it is to rest – I’ve had plenty of rest – but to rest and get back at it.”

Were you surprised by the decision to shut out down?
DJ: “No, I’m not. I’m not surprised because if you can’t play how you’re capable of playing, what you’re used to doing, then you’re really not helping out. I wasn’t moving how I was supposed to be, or should be moving in order to help us. I wasn’t running the way I was supposed to run, so if that was different, then it would probably be different circumstances here. But if I’m not able to play how I want to play, then I’m not benefiting the team.”

When did it become clear you couldn’t play?
DJ: “When I wasn’t moving the way I wanted to move. I wasn’t hitting the way I wanted to hit. I wasn’t doing anything. I wasn’t throwing the way I wanted to throw. I’m sure some of it probably was a little bit mental as well. Before I broke it the second time, there was some normal soreness there, and I was told there was going to be soreness, you have to work through it — and then it broke again. Then this time, when there was soreness, I never really wanted to speak on it, so I’m sure I was a little hesitant, so that’s why, when we took the latest CT scan [which was negative], I think everyone was happy with the results of that.”

What will you do for next three weeks? Stay with team?
DJ: “Have pom-poms and go out there and root for my teammates. There’s been plenty of times when they’ve been sitting there rooting for me.”

How dedicated are you to coming back and being at shortstop, despite the injury?
DJ: “Well, I’m not thinking about getting hurt again. It sounds kind of funny saying it now because of considering how many times I’ve been hurt. But I truly believe, with the full offseason, working out and getting my strength back, that I can get back to doing what I’ve always done.”

Will you exercise your $9.5-million player option for 2014?
DJ: “I haven’t thought about that. Like I said, I just found out that this was the result a couple hours ago, so I’ve never played a season thinking about the next one. I haven’t thought about next year, really at all. Now it’s just trying to digest this, I guess, and figure out what the next step is.

Do think there’s any possibility that you just can’t be the player you’ve been in the past and can’t play? You mentioned the ankle issues being in your head?
DJ: “No. Let me clarify the mental part. The mental part was feeling the soreness and wondering if this was going to happen again. Not knowing, because I haven’t spoke on it. But once you get the tests, and realize everything is fine, then no, mentally I won’t think about this again because I’ll have an opportunity to strengthen it, like I said. Everything is attached. I think a lot of times people hurt something. When that heals, you figure that everything is all good and dandy, but you have to work out your other areas of your body , too. So no, there’s no doubt in my mind I’ll be back to where I was.”

Any thought to moving on and doing something else with your life?
DJ: “Why? Just because of an ankle injury? No. Look man, people have had a lot of injuries throughout the course of their careers, and I’ve been pretty fortunate to play what, 21 professional years, I think it is. And really only have one significant injury, that was a dislocated shoulder, so I’ve been fortunate to not have these injuries but there’s been a lot of players that have had injuries over the course of the years and they don’t think about what they’re going to do next. You just move on from it. So yeah, let me tell you, it’s bad that I’ve had this year, it’s been a nightmare like I said, but you don’t just start thinking about the end just because you have to deal with an injury that most players throughout the course of their careers have had to deal with something.”

How did it feel to not to be able to play the way you’re capable of?
DJ: “it’s frustrating. But at the time, you just think you fight through it, and you figure it’s going to turnaround, but it just didn’t get any better and it’s just something I really couldn’t hide.”

You’ve seen end of Bernie, Posada, etc? Any thought about how you want career to end?
DJ: “There’s a lot of ‘end’ talk here, man. You guys want this to be the end for me? Seeing that’s why everyone’s asking. Have I thought about it? No. I don’t think you think about the end of anything. You think about, our job is to get ready to play. It’s always been that way. I tried to come back this year as quickly as possible every time I came back. Looking back, maybe that wasn’t the best thing to do. But my job now is to get ready for next year and I’ll do that.”

Looking back, do you think you took too big a risk playing at the end of last season?
DJ: “No. My job is to play, man. Play, you try to do your job as well as you can, and I’ve always said, if it’s not broke, keep playing. And it broke, so I couldn’t play. Then it broke again, and I couldn’t play. So … I’ll be ready.”

Any second thoughts about pushing yourself in spring training to be ready for Opening Day?
DJ: “Don’t take it as I had second thoughts. I think it was a learning experience for me. I’ve never been hurt. You get the test results, hey, you’re ankle’s fine, let’s go. I never really took into consideration how many other things you have to take care of in order to play.”

Has everyone been too optimistic about being ready by certain dates?
DJ: “I don’t know if they necessarily told me I’d be ready by a certain date. I’m the one who put dates out there. I’m the one who said Opening Day. They told me how long they thought it would take for the bone to heal, which they were right. I’m the one that said, listen, I‘m going to play on this day, I probably wouldn’t have said that if I could go back. I don’t ever like to miss games. I want to get back and I want to play as soon as possible.”

How can you be so confident you’ll be ready for next season?
DJ: “Because I’ll have an entire off-season to strengthen legs. And that’s what we’re talking about – strengthening legs. We’re not talking about going back in a boot and making the bone heal. It’s all about strengthening legs, and that shouldn’t take any longer than it would in a normal season.”

What was your initial reaction when Yankees told you of the shutdown?
DJ: “Just disappointment. This is the most fun time of the year. No one enjoys playing this time of year more than I do. And to not be able to help is something that’s new to me because I’ve never had to deal with it.”

Can you embrace the ‘pom-pom’ role?
DJ: “I’ve had pom-poms for a lot of this season already, so it’s, you just try to help out as much as you can in any way that you can and root for your teammates. My teammates have rooted for me enough over the years. Now it’s my turn.”

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My decidedly New York-union commercial crew was mesmerized by a post that hit the grip’s Twitter account. “Cashman just told A-Rod he should just shut the fawk up on Twittaw. He’s a badass.”

From there it was wall-to-wall Noo Yawk Tawk, because after all, there are only two places where sports will stop a commercial shoot: Boston and New York.

Before you get all sideways and call your local Teamsters rep, let it be known that I am a decidedly union guy. My grandfather worked a union job for thirty plus years and I’ve never crossed a picket line; never will. That being said, I was super pissed because the only thing worse than an actor that can’t remember his lines is an unprofessional crew. Unprofessionalism turns art into soap opera.

I called for the mandatory break on the set and needed to break free so my head wouldn’t explode. Luckily Manhattan has just a few Starbucks close to filming. Now the only decision was to go to the shop on the southeast corner…or the one on the northwest corner…or the one, well you get my drift.

I opted for the fancy mom and pop shop three doors down mainly because the line wasn’t out the door. Still with a dozen people in front of me, I had some time to simmer down and wonder why my proofer Monica was always upset at me, craft a guide to coffee dating in my head, AND wonder where all of these fu-fu coffee orders were coming from. Here were the first three orders taken (give or take):

• Large café mocha, no sugar, no whip, extra dry please, with half skim and half whole milk, one pump hazelnut, extra hot.
• Medium caramel macchiato in a large double cup, triple whipped cream with three shots of espresso and three extra pumps of caramel.
• Small soy mocha, half iced, not blended with six pumps of vanilla, stirred not shaken. 

At that point I was screaming “shut the fawk up” in my head, but really unsure if I had just let those rude, yet truthful four words fly out of my grill. Please eat what’s left of my brain and take my order for six large regular coffees, Holy A-Rod I need a cell phone scrambler on my next New Yawk shoot! My mind slipped away as the poor girl struggled to get those orders right while openly mumbling about covering someone’s morning shift after staying up all night studying for her LSAT’s.

How many of us have been on coffee dates? How many of would have run if your speed date would have ordered one of those beauties. Yeah I know she’s cute, but the maintenance and upkeep may make yours look mighty easy. This is why they invented the Coffee Date. It’s essentially a reason to have an inexpensive 30 minute conversation with your crush buddy a midst the sweet aphrodisiac of coffee aromas. You don’t have to worry about deep convos or shaving your legs because this is not about s-e-x. It’s a quick assessment where you don’t have to worry about pickups, being too late or too early or deciding between the scampi appetizer or sharing a Caesar salad. And, just like reading the directions on the side of the shampoo bottle, do this:

Get the drink order. Order the drinks. Pay.

Then:

Sit. Drink. Talk. Flirt (level two and lower, only). Repeat.

Keep it short. When you hit your high note, say your goodbyes (like George Costanza):

Make sure you follow-up and plan a real date if you have any semblance of chemistry and your crush buddy is not a coffee snob.

Speaking of coffee snobs, the carnage in front of me continued…

• Large no-foam half-caf non-fat mocha soy latte. 
• Medium half-skinny half-one percent extra hot split quad shot latte with whip.
• Fill a large halfway with one hundred forty degree coffee; fill the rest with cold milk, sugar-free hazelnut syrup.

Yikes. This is some serious coffee drama. What does it all mean?

I remember a talk with author James Moore who surmised that coffee picks go past personal taste. He said that these mind-boggling complicated drinks reach a much deeper psychological level relating to self-esteem issues, stress and a “search for the comforts of childhood.” Here’s the breakdown on the sociology of coffee orders:

• Black coffee: The Minimalist. Likes things one-on-one. Competitive. The lone wolf who can mix in quite nicely when prompted.
• Espresso: The Leader. Instant indulgence for the moody whom has no time for gossip or low standards.
• Cappuccino: The Optimistic Extrovert. Appreciative of style and expensive gear. A starter, but not a finisher.
• Latte: The Passive Aggressive. The latte fan waters down their danger with bubbly foam and milk. Prefers cuddling to sex. Comfort over spontaneity.
• Instant coffee: The Under the Radar. No frills, straightforward and in no hurry to get things done. Unadventurous in career and sex.
• Decaf soymilk: The Narcissist. An eco-worrier with dab of fussiness and a heavy dose of ego.
• Non-coffee drinker: The Teatotaller. Someone who rejects the brown gold is said to have been frightened of life as a child.

Now up at the front, the poor barista was relieved to have my low maintenance order. She whispered “thanks” under her breath as she slipped me a gratis chocolate croissant on my way out which I polished off just in time to spring through the doors of the set where everyone was magically reinvigorated. The sports talk had died down and my actors had kissed and made up. [Yes, literally kissed and made up in their trailer – but that’s a story for another blog.] Filming resumed and things were on the right track.

All of the sudden Twittaw reared its ugly head: “Aaron Hernandez was just arrested!”

Aw fawk!

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