Drinking = new business, for better or for worse.

And the managing director said,

“Let there be drinks.”

And there were drinks.

And from these drinks,

the Sales Guy closed the account at the bar.

And the Creatives were given dominion

over all things upon this account

and the power to choose

between scandalous and informative.

And so goes the evolution of a media account…

At the core of any deal is networking. It really is who you know and many times not what you know. But if you aren’t in the know, then sealing a deal requires a deft gift of gab and a social setting befitting of the client you are seeking.

These fifteen, er, ten commandments…

The years of drinking your way to the top created these fifteen ten commandments:

1. Thou Shall Not Be Careless.
Being careless is inexcusable. Spilling an entire drink on oneself is an automatic loss. Game over. This applies at all times. If you do it, just excuse yourself and go home.

2. Thou Shall Provide Comfort.
Comfort Counts. I read this study that Harvard, Yale and MIT conducted and it said that people in a hard wooden chair held out for more discounts that those in cushioned seating. If you have to, take some splinters for the team.

3. Thou Shall (Wo)Man Up.
Be strong on your drink selection. Don’t be a copy cat. “I’ll have the same” is weak sauce. Order your own drink.


4. Thou Shall Make Good Choices. 
Your drink cocktail shall be clear or brown. This is serious stuff. Say it with a good drink choice. All brown or clear drinks are serious drinks.


5. Thou Shall Have Good Posture.
all business meetings are confrontations of a sort. Square up. Even if it seems friendly, even if it’s with a colleague. Sit tall and with pride. Sitting up straight is evidence that you have a backbone. It is also evidence that you’re not so wasted you can’t do the actual business you invited your counterpart to conduct.

6. Thou Shall Treat Thy Servants Properly.
The employees are there to serve you, but you should never act like they are there to serve you. Respect the bartender…and the host…and the cocktail server…and your neighbors at the next table…and the valet…and the restroom attendant. (Whaaaaat? the place you chose doesn’t have a restroom attendant? Pick a better place!) Why all the respect? Because for this night, these are your assistants. They are your people. YOUR PEEPS. You want the bar to be more yours than your counterpart’s.

7. You Shall Not Commit Murder.
Don’t kill your night with hesitation. Hesitation kills the momentum of your night…in a flash. When ordering a drink, never hesitate. Don’t review a menu. Don’t read that fancy black chalkboard that the host spent forty-five minutes and seven pieces of chalk to build. You know what you like. Order it. Refer to Commandment Four when in doubt. Why? Well, you shouldn’t waste time if in the conference room. Don’t do it at the bar.

Commandment 10.

8. Thou Shall Focus.
Put that damned iPhone away. Yeah, yeah, I know, we all love our smartphones, our Candy Crush and seeing what Susan is eating on Instagram. But for an hour or two, put it in your pocket. Look your guest in the eye the entire time. When you don’t look someone in the eyes, it shows you have an agenda other than the bond of the night. It also shows an inclination that you can be intimidated or lying. Practice that eye contact.

9. Thou Shall Arrive Early.
Everything should happen sooner than expected. Get there first. Order first. Introduce your business earlier than appropriate. Wrap things up faster than seems suitable. When you do things early, you have control. Control is a virtue. Your virtue.

10. Thou Shall Take Notes…on a napkin.
You might brand it as, but taking notes on a napkin is cool. Tell your guest(s) that five years from now you can all say, “It all started by writing it down on a bar napkin.”

More from the Media Guy on Drinking:

The Media Guy Struggles: Drink Like a Mad Man
When he’s not drinking Canadian Club straight, Don Draper favors the old fashioned, which is filled with Vitamin C and fruitiness to offset its … Read on…

The Media Guy Struggles: Making it at a Media Party
…if you don’t know how to drink or look like you’re drinking while nursing a cold bevie, you’re going to have a tough time in the ad game … Read on…

The Media Guy Struggles: Eight Ways to Toast Globally
…have you ever wondered how people drink beer across the globe? … Read on…

The post The Commandments of Business Bar Meetings appeared first on Media Guy Struggles.

…if you don’t know how to drink or look like you’re drinking while nursing a cold bevie, you’re going to have a tough time in the ad game.

Advertising parties may or may not look like this

Before I get to the fun stuff, how about a quick rundown on how to network at events and parties:

• Put yourself “out there”. If you’re shy, or a total party nerd, going to a party probably feels like a Game of Thrones wedding. Get that thought out of your mind because your slumped shoulders and wallpaper impression ain’t winning friends. 
• Dress to impress. Good grooming works along with a nice pair of Ferragamos or Pradas (and pul-lease shine them up!). If you’re in L.A., by all means go the Media Guy route and rock a black tee, nice jeans and a tailored sportscoat. If you’re in New York, you better suit up:

• Good gawd man, keep on truckin’. When you enter a room, scan the room and pick a target. Don’t forget to that the longer you stay in one spot, the the harder it is to get going. Move on if it doesn’t work. Don’t keep standing there and getting ignored by the Mean Girls flashing you the “you can’t stand here” look. Wave at some random punch bowl and parachute out.
• Body up! Look approachable. Send out those signals that you’re friendly and you want to talk.
• Active listening is better than talking 82% of the time. Use eye contact and nod as they talk, pacing it in time with their speech. Don’t look away as this gives the impression that you are getting bored or distracted. Face them front on and make sure your gestures are in pace with theirs. Also, mirror their gestures and this will make you look like a good listener.
• Smile. Geez, wipe that serious, self-important look off of your face and put the charm into your grill. A smile is the most primitive sign of introduction…and the most effective.
• Practice your Elevator Speech.
• Follow-up. Yes, this is the key because unless you have a private plane waiting to fly you to Vegas, you’re not going to become friends overnight.

Now you know the basic rules of event networking, so now what? How do you get that edge. If you’re a woman, chances are the red carpet is going to unfurl a little faster for you when you enter a room. Guys? Well that’s another story. The best differentiation factor revolves around drinking.

You may recall my overview on what kind of coffee you are in last year’s popular “Aw Fawk” column. What a woman’s choice of drink says a lot about her too. Jessica Klein, writer for the Roosevelts, put together a guide…let’s dive in!

Vodka Pineapple
This woman is out with the girls. Though she may step out to perform awkward arm and hip-thrusting movements in a small circle with her other girlfriends, the most she’ll throw any dude’s way is a coy look and an adorable smile. Not totally opposed to meeting a man while out on the town, she’s far less likely to go home with one than many of her differently imbibing counterparts. If you’re lucky, she’ll give you her number, but three other girls will be standing less than two feet behind her, snickering, as she does so. She almost definitely wears something colorful with frills or flow to express an avidly female attitude, and she loves getting greasy food on her way home from the bar while she and her friends discuss how reckless they’re being, calorie-wise.

Red Wine
This girl probably thinks she’s better than you. In fact, she almost certainly thinks she’s above being at whatever noisy bar you’ve found yourself in on this Saturday night. Quite possibly out by herself, the wine drinker will take her perch at the bar, her classic, little black dress draping modestly over the stool, where she’ll wait for you to go up to her. Your pickup lines will fall flat, but you may not know it until fifteen minutes into your conversation because she’s been keeping you around for her own amusement. If there with another female friend (she’ll be with three other women, max), their eyes will all drift around the room until landing on the man who they know will purchase their next glass of Merlot or Pinot Noir.

Beer
Practical, fun, and most likely cheerful, the beer drinking woman doesn’t allow her drink of choice to set her apart from the male masses. If she spills her over-full pint glass on you as she shakes with laughter over some crack made by the guy standing next to her, you won’t mind because her facial reaction and genuine apology will make up for it. Not afraid of belching in public, she will probably agree to take shots when all the guys do, and she will keep up successfully. Unfortunately, too many guys pass her by when it comes to sex and romance because they’ve been staring at pineapple vodka girl all night.

Rum & Coke
Honestly, I wouldn’t trust this girl. Something about deliberately ordering a rum and coke on a night out feels like a request for trouble. She may very well get too drunk by the end of the night (at which point you’ve got to respect the girl’s boundaries, i.e. not try and follow her/take her home), but before that she’ll flirt voraciously, which will be harmless and a lot of fun for everyone involved. A rum drinker, also, can dance. Ass-to-the-ground-without-knees-cracking dance. She knows what she wants, too, which is one thing you can definitely trust in her: If she doesn’t get her way, look out.

Whiskey
Why is it that men are always shocked and impressed when a woman orders whiskey? Though possibly viewed as more of a “man’s drink,” whiskey on the breath of a woman indicates maturity, independence, and sexual prowess. The whiskey drinking woman will talk to anybody, from the security guard to the bartender to the guy sitting alone in the corner to the bathroom attendant, and she will fall into each of their good graces by the end of the night (perhaps having made out with one and having smoked a joint with another). She feels right at home in any bar, but it might take her a few sips to get comfortable enough to start bringing the fun.

Gin & Tonic
One part aloof and one part too smart and funny for her own good, a girl drinking G & T’s at the bar will engage men and women alike with top-notch banter but will never get too wild. A classic warm weather cocktail, the G & T will sweep drinkers up in it’s lazy, languid attitude, causing the woman who drinks one to become nonchalant in a possibly irksome manner, if you’ve come out that night to seriously party. This woman’s most surprising aspect may reveal itself when it’s time to go home, at which point she’s been removed enough to have chosen her target for the night–she’s had a good idea of who she wants to bring home with her from two hours back, and now it’s time for her to fulfill it. Any guy will be thrilled to find out he’s the chosen one.

Tequila
Tequila speaks (and parties) for itself. A woman drinking tequila is out for a) a crazy time, or b) to forever bury the thoughts of a horrible ex or a particularly lame day at work. Obviously the life of the party, this woman will likely make it to the top of the bar at least once during the course of the night. She will also constantly invite the masses to down more tequila shots with her. You will fall in love with her, and she will fall in love with you–or, she’ll slap you very hard across the face.

To be fair, a woman can embody any of these girls on any given night. Depending on mood, the cycle of moon, and a variety of normal human factors, a lady can go from a coy red wine drinker one night to a wild, tequila slapper the next. Regardless of what she’s drinking, she’ll still wake up the next morning with a personality detached from any beverage, so never judge a girl by her drink 100% of the time.

The post Making it at a Media Party appeared first on Media Guy Struggles.

So there I was. The dreaded networking event. I’ve said it before that I’m not a command-the-room-kind-of-guy. I’m definitely the get-to-know-you-kind-of-guy. I like to sit down with you and have a drink and bond with you in a beneath-the-surface conversation. Anyway there I was and guess what? I was on fire; en fuego; I couldn’t be stopped. To my tipsy surprise, I mingled and networked like I never have before. Maybe it was the Mad Men-esque Old Fashioned I slipped into, or maybe it was the contemporary grind and ascension mode I’m test driving. Whatever it was, tonight I was ON!

Okay kiddies, grab a cappuccino and sober up…have I got news for you! In the highly anticipated NBA supplier bash, there was much merriment and one very jawdropping incident. As the business glitterati assembled at a Downtown Los Angeles the mood was festive. The usual suspects were there. The mayor, council members, business wanna-bees and D-list celebrities. As people snatched their mini NBA signature gift bags replete with basketball textured notebooks, I literally bumped into Susan (last name deleted to protect the slightly innocent) a teacher’s assistant whom I had longingly stalked since my days at UCLA’s Anderson School of Business. She’s now a bigwig at a (company name deleted until I get the account) mutual fund broker.

Maybe I’m just being romantic in my description, but she’s got this elegant, yet quietly wild look going for her. Clad with a Hermes (hey that’s Hermes with an “M”) bag and big Jackie O scarf she’s got this “I’m the woman who has it all” signature look down pat. She’s stunning. Really, if Grace Kelly and Gregory Peck were to have a love child the result would be this woman. I felt like I needed to find a bartender and channel my inner Don Draper.

Then it happened.

After exchanging pleasantries, she noted something was different. The modified goatee? The new impeccably tailored sport coat? “Nah,” I told her. “I got back in touch with Mr. Workout.”

That’s when the Old Fashioned kicked in and carried me towards Zen. I recalled my pep-talk from a workout mentor, Vern Jeffery…”You’ve reallocated your priorities Michael. That shift has rippling consequences and it impacts every aspect of your life including your physical health. You watch, once you like how you appear in the mirror, you’ll be rolling forward in your personal and professional life.”

As the haze lifted a bit, she handed me her card and said “I’ll set up a meeting with the marketing director.”

Now the slimmer, sleeker Media Guy is evolving with my new workout regimen. How did I get to that point 30 pounds ago?

I recently emerged from what only could be defined as a “regretful bout with alcohol and barbeque” I ate and drank stress away while wobbling in my Ferragamos. To the utter gasp of friends and colleagues (and the delight of Arrogant Bob in accounting) I was a mess.

With a new balance and the proper stacking of priorities, the Media Guy being en fuego isn’t the shocking experience it was in March when I needed a new secret identity.

The post En Fuego! appeared first on Media Guy Struggles.

The words resonate.

They resonate everytime I go to those networking things. You know the ones everyone says you have to hit because you have to network in a time where we type our social interaction instead of speak it.

Those words belong to Alec Baldwin’s super-duper salesman Blake character in Glengarry Glen Ross. He’s inspiring. Intense. Undeterring. He lets you know that coffee is for closers, only.

Always
Be
Closing

Those are the ABC’s of business. If you want to compete in this global world you have to ask for that order. Then demand it. I hate these networking things. A bunch of cliques where they circle the wagons effectively locking out the walk-up. One guy always camped at the iced shrimp. And then there’s the know-it-all who can’t be bothered by your trival conversation. Yet, you have to get out of the office to meet those new people. You gotta close!

Now I’m not a command-the-room-kind-of-guy. I’m definitely the get-to-know-you-kind-of-guy. I like to sit down with you and have a drink and bond with you in a beneath-the-surface conversation. Next thing you know we are doing this regularly, doing deals and having fun along the way. Relationships are so much better than networking, aren’t they?

But since you have to be out there you might as well do it right. These events are full of companies vying for users’ attention so you need to separate yourself from the competition. You can do this by creating a compelling headline for youself with a opening billboard that explains who you are and what you do without it being like trying to figure out E=MC2 or why Jim Caldwell looks like a coaching Avatar.

After you get the someone’s attention, keep it. This is where creating persuasive content comes into play. THEIRS, not yours. Listen to what they want and who they are. This is like a date and always that no matter how much they laughed at your jokes in the Monday morning recap meeting your date is more concern with their feelings. Paramount to everything is that they want to know you like THEM!

If you have someone’s attention, now you have to get your new best friend to take action. Map a plan right there. Set a meeting. Show up on time. Be intelligent. Make it simple. It should be a simple step to get someone to want to do business with you, no more. You have the answers they need. Show them. Find a way to get to the cigars.

So if you haven’t been following, remember coffee is for closers only and cigars are for the fun once you close.

Remember luck isn’t for closers and don’t forget to follow me on Twitter (twitter.com/MarketingVIP) and Facebook (facebook.com/MarketingVIP).

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