Loni Albert Archives - Media Guy Struggles

Taking Credit Where Credit is (Maybe) Not Deserved…

The Media Guy — Thu, 09 May 2013 20:24:00 +0000

Is it any wonder that Christina Aguilera’s Twitter followers went up 100k since the #jeffyandlola column hit two weeks ago?

Photo by: Michael Lloyd

The post Taking Credit Where Credit is (Maybe) Not Deserved… appeared first on Media Guy Struggles.

The Continuing Adventures of Lola and Jeffy

The Media Guy — Wed, 24 Apr 2013 02:14:00 +0000

By now many of you know the story of Jeffy and Lola, the would-be wedding crashers that found inner happiness by writing about the beauty around them and sending the media kisses with positive energy. For me, the Media Guy aka Jeffy, I found the popularity (of what will now be known as) Part One of this blog series, to be incredible.

When Part One was posted on June 30, 2011, little did I know that it would produce 62,000 page views – think about that – 62,000 hits for two friends talking about New York and Los Angeles. It still sits in the Top 10 of all time pages views for my humble blog. Nearly two years later, it was time to catch up with Loni Albert aka Lola, the reigning queen of the national beauty scene.

Cosmo Beauty Editor Loni Albert

MEDIA GUY: “Coffee-drinking, lipstick-wearing, punk-rockin’, retro-obsessed, Marilyn-loving, NYC girl.”

That’s a heck of a tagline. One fitting of a young rock star editor of Cosmopolitan magazine. I just went online and looked at your lush online mag, so tell me, do you hang out with the editors who get to research: Sex Moves He Doesn’t Want or Sex Positions?

LONI ALBERT: Haha yes!! And while I hate to shatter your dreams, the content is exactly what you said, “research” just like with a diet or beauty article. Tips come from experts, studies, surveys, etc. The office is definitely filled with fun, fearless Cosmo girls, but that doesn’t mean that we’re all testing out the Kama Sutra during lunch breaks and meetings!

MG: You said “doesn’t mean that we’re all testing out the Kama Sutra during lunch breaks and meetings!” … does that mean that SOME of you are testing out the Kama Sutra at lunch?

LA: Hey, I can’t speak for everyone! But since the office is 90% women and 10% guys who aren’t into girls, I’m going to guess no.

MG: Regardless of who the 90% are and what they are doing at lunch, Cosmo online just added the “Cosmo Kama Sutra: Bad Girl Edition: with THIS caption: “Cosmo is to sex positions what Apple is to the iPhone—when we release a new version, it comes with some pretty awesome features. In this case, very naughty ones.” Oh my. It just got warm in here. Anything to add here on the beauty and aesthetics side?

LA: [Laughs] I tend to find some of these really ambitious! But from a beauty POV, if you’re going to be swinging from the chandelier or trying the backwards mermaid, I recommend girls prep with waterproof eyeliner and mascara and humidity-blocking hair products to keep you looking like a hottie (not a hot mess). There are also motion activating deodorants that release the good-smelling stuff as you get busy. Stock up on those too!

MG: You must be excited about your new weekly radio show with Cosmo’s Beauty Director (aka LW) on Cosmo SiriusXM Radio? (Channel 109 every Thursday at 11.) What’s that going to be like?

LA: So stoked, Jeffy! It’s so much fun. We had our first one last week and its pretty much just girl talk 2.0. We have guests on (all beauty-related of course since that’s my beat) and BS for an hour about enthralling areas of life such as: whether or not having a straight male hairstylist do your hair before a date is like foreplay, and also the importance of an Ego BJ.

MG: Uhhhhhhhh, what’s an Ego BJ, Lola? We’ve never heard of those in Hollywood; would Marilyn have to participate in Ego BJs?

Still getting Ego BJs.

LA: Marilyn would GET ego BJs all day long. In super boring terms, it’s a compliment. The kind that makes you feel amazing like you can take on anything! For example: I hate to give an ego BJ, but your blog is pretty genius, Jeffy.

MG: Ok, of these stars, who definitely has to GIVE Ego BJs and who definitely RECEIVES Ego BJs:

a) Jennifer Lawrence
b) Seal
c) Tyra Banks
d) Christina Hendricks
e) Brad Pitt

LA: I think they’ve all had to give to get to the point where they’d get. Does that make sense? Except Tyra, who seems capable of ego-blowing herself. I love T Banks, and she is certainly one if the most beautiful women out there, but she just talks about herself for hours! Have you seen ANTM?!

MG: You know, the term “BJ” has never made its way into The Media Guy’s blog. Am I being too tame?

LA: Nooo, you’re being a gentleman! A lost art that I am a huge fan of! And to be clear, wearing a suit and sipping old fashions Draper-style does not a gentleman make. Swoon-worthy as Jon Hamm may be, the Mad Men are the worst kind of players.

MG: What does it take to be a Cosmo Girl? Are there Cosmo Guys? I feel like Cosmo could unleash all that ills human relationships…

LA: Cosmo Girls are Fun and Fearless! That’s the tag line. But to me, a Cosmo Girl is a woman who is trying to figure it all out–love, life, family, work–and have as much fun as possible along the way. There are def Cosmo guys! We recently had a two man band called TimeFlies come in the office. They’re in their early 20s and were discovered on YouTube. The whole time they performed for us I was thinking that they were sooo Cosmo.

MG: What’s the latest beauty trends?

LA: The Karlie Kloss haircut, crazy nail art, dewy skin, and lived-in looking walk of shame hair and makeup (think Kate Moss rolling out of Johnny Depp’s bed in the 90s and rocking last night’s eyeliner for an extra day or two.)

MG: Trust me, I have imagined Kate doing just that; except Johnny was not there. Of course I was. Anyway, how embarrassing…who is Karlie Kloss and why does she have her own haircut?

LA: Google her dude. Big time model for VS and everything else. She is so out of control hot (to the point that a nude photo of her sent me into a fat day-meltdown). Recently she snipped off her locks and girls everywhere are lining up to copy the look (including Demi Lovato, Jennifer Lawrence, and Cosmo editors).

MG: Recently you told us to “ditch the tanning salon and learn to define beauty on [your] own terms.” Do you find that many people are still slaves to beauty on other people’s terms? Isn’t everyone beautiful in their own way [shhhh! I’m channeling my inner Christina Aguilera]? Is New York obsessed with beauty like LA is?

We all miss her Dirty Days.

LA: Oh X-Tina. I miss her Dirty Days. Did you know she was born in Staten Island?! NYC is totes obsessed with beauty, are you kidding?! This is where Fashion Week takes place, where the best salons in the world are located, and where most of the shoots you admire in mags are shot. I’d say NYC is equally as beauty-crazy as LA. People feel pressure to be slaves to trends everywhere, and sometimes they do it because they just like it! Like ombré hair (hair that starts dark at the root and gradually lightens to blonde at the tips). Girls see it in mags and on their fave celebs, love how it looks and try it out. I’m not against that, I just personally prefer having something that feels like it has my stamp to it. A little less one size fits all.

MG: Can guys take your advice too?

LA: Guys should definitely find a way to create their own look! Maybe you’re the guy who always rocks a bit of sexy scruff? Or has a kick-ass sneaker collection that you mix and match with dressier looks? Make it you!

MG: Do you do your own photo shoots are just do a “Don Draper” and tell them to bring you back a winner?

LA: Swoon! I heart Don. But not his adulterous tendencies. Some shoots I’m on set, others my boss goes to. It’s usually just a logistical thing.

MG: What is so 2012?

LA: Feathered hair attachments, donut buns, matte nails, calling pregnant celebs fat (that was/is never cool).

MG: What’s next for Lola?

LA: Getting hitched! We’re doing it up next summer. Can’t wait!

MG: Besides defining our own beauty, what’s the single most important thing we should know/do/think about our public beauty?

LA: Stop competing with others, just love and accept yourself. It’s a lesson I struggle with everyday, but if you’re trying to win a fictional beauty contest, you’re gonna lose. Even that bombshell strutting down the block has something about herself she’d love to tweak, and probably sees something in you she wishes she had. Make the best with what you’ve got (lipstick and heels can solve anything, in convinced) and then flaunt your hotness for the world to admire. You too Jeffy (minus the lips and heels…unless you’re into that now? No judgments.)

MG: [Smiles] Well, you promised you would not tell anyone about my lipstick diaries [sigh]…poor me.

LA: I adore you and miss you and hope to see your sexiness soon. Oh, and follow me on Twitter and Instagram @lonialbert.

Showing Fergie how to be glam

With the Zombie Boy

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Los Angeles vs. New York with Cosmo’s Associate Beauty Editor

The Media Guy — Thu, 30 Jun 2011 17:56:00 +0000

As a lifelong Angeleno it’s difficult to always connect with the passive aggressive (and sometimes just plain aggressive) attitude of my New York counterparts. For them, they are more virtuous, better informed and, well, they reside at the center of the universe. Shoot, even most of the international flights are gatewayed through their Kennedy Airport.

My esteemed colleague and friend, Loni Albert, associate beauty editor at Cosmopolitan, is a New Yawker in every sense of the word. Always on the go, cheerfully intense, always in a hurry, and a true friend when the chips are down.

From the minute we met on a press junket in Mexico we mapped plans to crash weddings (complete with new names – Lola for her and Jefferson aka Jeffy for me) and argued the merits of Los Angeles vs. New York.

So with upcoming cross-promotions on the horizon for the Media Guy, I decided to dig in with Lola, er Loni, and make sure I understand the nuances of a city that has over twice as many people as my beloved City of Angels.

———

MEDIA GUY: If you were re-branding New York Tourism, how would you lure us smart Angelinos to the Big Apple?

LONI ALBERT: Angelinos should come hang in NY because it’s so REAL. I love love love LA, but it feels like one giant movie set. That may be fun and glamorous and “comfortable” — I get it. But sometimes you need more than that. NY is raw and random and diverse. Maybe all the ugliness makes the small glimpses of beauty that much more beautiful.

MG: I’m told that LA people are soft. I’ve “earned” the nickname of LA Mike, you know. Do you think you could teach LA Mike to survive in New York City? How tough do you have to be to live in New York, Lola?

LA: LA Mike aka Jeffy, I am confident that you would get along swimmingly in New York. It’s not so much that you have to be tough as in “I’ll kick everyone’s ass!”, more so resilient and able to tolerate less than pleasant situations.

For example, getting extremely up close and personal with a bajillion strangers on a jam-packed subway car during rush hour in August with no air conditioning and delays because of “train traffic ahead”.

I don’t think you guys are soft. I think you are smart! Why live in an over-crowded, over-priced, dirty, smelly city where the gloomy, grey buildings are so high that the sun can’t even shine down on you? Probably because of the pizza. It’s pretty damn good.

MG: I have to admit that it was rather comfortable last weekend poolside – 75 degrees – sipping on a freshly-blended margarita. Does that sound soft to you? I was thinking that in about four months that the power would be out on the East Coast as you shovel out from the 10 inches of snow. How do you deal with snow and the anger it produces? LA: Aside from a few days a year, the snow has never really stopped me from going to school, work, dinner with friends, etc. You just learn to deal. There are sucky things like being stuck on the bus for a few hours because the roads are scary and covered in ice, but it’s also kind of sexy to spend a snow day inside with your significant other with nothing else to do but…..stay warm

MG: How is New York the media capital of the universe with all of the shutdowns?

LA: What shut downs do you speak of? There really haven’t been many. Part of our “tough”-ness is that the city is pretty much prepared for anything and everything and not much stops us. It’s the freaking city that never sleeps. Ready to roll 24/7.

Speaking of which, that’s a HUGE point for NY. When I was last in LA, we were dying to find a place to grab a bite after hours and everything was closing and kicking us out or already closed. Here, you can eat/drink/dance/get tattooed/cash a check/and catch a train or bus literally all night long. I know from experience. Leave the office (which for me is down the block from Times Square) after midnight (yes, it happens) and the streets are still occupied and there is life. Some of it may be sketchy but..whatev.

MG: “Eat/drink/dance/get tattooed/cash a check/and catch a train or bus literally all night long”…? New York is sounding like a huge movie set now. READ: The Hangover.

LA: Eat/drink/dance/tattoo/cash a check didn’t all happen in the same day. Jeez. What kinda character do you take me for? It was in two days. Haha. NY is a great movie set! Because there’s real stories and adventures happening here everyday, not a produced one starring a fake tanned babe with a silicone rack and a stylist. Show me some scars. And not those left by a plastic surgeon.

MG: What’s a bus? Is that public transportation? What is that? No one walks in LA., you know…

LA: A bus: a large vehicle that occasionally runs over bike messengers (I’ve witnessed this), often breaks down (but only when you’re late to work and it’s raining), who’s driver usually makes double your salary and is part of a union that will defend his employment to the end — even after he’s run over a handful of bike messengers.

I actually love that you can walk anywhere in NY. I recently called you while I walked from midtown to the ferry (a two hour walk) and passed so many different and cool neighborhoods along the way. Who needs LA’s redonkulous valet charges everywhere?

MG: Tell me more about spending sexy snow days. In L.A., the pretty people do Naked Sundays (a staple in the Christina Aguilera pre-divorce household). Speaking of her, did you see the picture she held up when accepting her star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame – just kidding but a Media Guy can dream.

A boy can dream.

LA: Naked any day is always a good idea. West Coast, East Coast, wherever. You don’t need L.A. sunshine for that

On the snow days: I’m just saying that there’s sexiness to having seasons. From a gooey, girly perspective, it’s romantic to watch the season’s change with someone. Shows that you’ve been through something together. Marks the time more than just appointments you marked into your Blackberry calendar on another Sunny Tuesday.

Christina Aguilera can do whatever she wants because she is a God damned diva if ever there was one.

MG: What about your career? The beauty editor of Cosmopolitan at 24? No one believes me that I know such a brilliant writer.

LA: (a) I’m not 24 anymore, that was two years ago when we met! I’m a grandma now at 26!, and (b) my title at Cosmo is Associate Beauty Editor, but I’m thrilled nonetheless!

I don’t know if I’m brilliant (but I’ll take it!). I’m passionate and I think that genuine hard work and passion can really take you far and make you stand out in a sea of over privileged trust fund brats who knew the right people. And I’m not bitter of those kids, honestly. However you get to the top (hard work, family connections, sex tape) is all fair game, even when it isn’t fair. That’s the real American dream. Get there, however you gotta.

MG: Is it really like Sex and the City?

LA: It’s a lot like Sex and The City except I don’t wear $900 shoes, sleep with every waiter at every restaurant, and rarely take cabs. Okay, it’s not like Sex and The City at all. But I do drink Cosmos

Sometimes I run in the park. Sometimes I see my family in Staten Island. Sometimes I have hot dates with the boy (which could be a fancy dinner date, or making to go cocktails and drinking them while we walk over the Brooklyn Bridge. Sometimes I have drinks with my girlfriends (who are mostly publicists and other writers). Sometimes I have cool industry events where I rub elbows with celebs and models and beautiful people.

MG: NAMES! NAMES! We need names…

LA: Not to be a name dropper, but……Heidi Klum, Jessica Alba, Victoria‘s Secret Angels, John Mayer, Beyonce, Leighton Meester, Vera Wang, Michael Kors, ummmm there’s way more but I’m drawing a blank.

MG: What kind of donut are you?

LA: Donuts! I would have to be pink frosted. Girly and sweet. Although my dude recently pointed out that was Homer Simpson’s fave which makes me reconsider.

One pink beauty…hold the Simpson!

MG: Lola…what do you recommend for anyone crashing a wedding in Vegas?

LA: Excellent question. A few things:

Act like you own the joint. Walk around like you know where you’re going and you’re supposed to be there. I do this always and manage to a. blend in to really fancy events that I am definitely NOT cool enough to be at but somehow fooled the right people and got invited to and b. get past security at hospitals, red carpet events, and college dorms (I used to enjoy pretending I was a “lost freshman.” Don’t ask).

Start convos with: Are you bride’s side or groom’s? So easy. You are obviously the opposite. And a date…of a distant cousin. When in doubt, just act drunk. Oh man, how did I end up here? Last thing I remember is kicking the dealer’s ass at Poker!

MG: Final point on L.A. being “one giant movie set” – do you want a role in the new movie I am writing.

LA: I would be honored to be in your movie — duh!

(L to R: Lola’s buddy Britt, Loni, and Heidi Klum)

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