BACK STORY

In 2009, I was on a press trip to the lovely St. Regis Punta Mita in Mexico and met a dynamic bolt of lightning known only to me (and only me) as Lola. That’s what she told me to call her while we awaited the hotel limousine to shuttle us to the hotel with eight other people we didn’t know. She let me know at that moment that I would be “Jeffy” for as long we would know each other.

After series of group tequila tastings, champagne sabering rituals, and tours around the property, Lola revealed her true identity: Loni Albert, associate beauty editor at Cosmo magazine. Since then, our friendship has spawned two great columns with over 140,000 reads here on The Media Guy Struggles:

2013: The Continuing Adventures of Lola and Jeffy
81,000 page views

2011: Los Angeles vs. New York with Cosmo’s Associate Beauty Editor
64,000 page views

A lot has changed in the last four years. Let’s dive in…

MEDIA GUY: When you were at Cosmo and OK Magazine and the like you were the “Coffee-drinking, lipstick-wearing, punk-rockin’, retro-obsessed, Marilyn-loving, NYC girl.” Now you are a San Francisco girl and a BK Babe. First…what’s a BK Babe and how is the adjustment to the Left Coast?

LONI VENTI: Ha! IG bios are really embarrassing, no? A BK babe is a Brooklyn girl–duh, Jeffy. The Left Coast is beautiful. Sunny, gorgeous scenery, and lots to explore. But it’s a huge adjustment as a born and raised New Yorker.

MG: How do you expect me to know what a BK babe is? I only spent three years in New York and if you remember, last time I didn’t even know who Karlie Kloss was! What’s the biggest difference between New York and San Francisco and what does a BK babe do in SF to make a living?

LV: You totally pucked up in New York, Jeffy [winks]. New York has a ton more energy, realness, stuff to do, late night fun and food options, people dress better, and it’s where I lived for over 30 years–so I’ll always be biased.

San Francisco is a breathtaking place. It’s surrounded by mountains, the fog (named Carl btw) is the coolest and creepiest thing ever, and the weather is pretty much perfect. But it’s not New York. And it takes like 10+ minutes to get a coffee. I spend a lot of time in LA, too, which definitely doesn’t suck.

MG: New York was a grind. I mean literally. I worked in the days of drinking lunches and no Starbucks. Corporate housing was sweet, but that’s another story. However, I think my move back to Los Angeles was validated when the Kings beat the Rangers for the Stanley Cup and I haven’t needed a scarf since then. Yet, I digress… So, what does a BK Babe do in SF to make a living?

LV: I wish we lived in New York at the same time!!! I was actually just in New York City. So tough to be back here–makes me miss it so! I came out here to be the Editorial Director of ipsy, a beauty startup. It’s a crazy, exciting, challenging experience and everyday is an adventure.

MG: ipsy is pretty baller, right?!

LV: Dude, ipsy is baller as f**k. And by baller I mean it’s slaying the competition. We’re growing like crazy and are at three million subscribers with a wait list so long that we’ve been brainstorming how to get more people that Glam Bag faster. It’s only five years old and it stepped into beauty right when a lot of change was happening.

MG: I just read something about the Battle of The Beauty Bags: PLAY! By Sephora vs. Ipsy Glam Bag. Which bag is better, PLAY! or ipsy Glam? If you were to create your own bag with your favorite products what would it contain?

LV: My personal Glam Bag would have CoverGirl lipstick in Hot, DHC’s liquid eyeliner, a travel sized Dolce fragrance, a square of chocolate that makes you never get wrinkles and also gives you the power to make everyone around you happy, and a lifetime pass to borrow anything I want to wear from Barney’s. (What? You didn’t say it had to be realistic.)

MG: Are there Barney’s in San Francisco? Personally, I just want every pair of Louis Vuitton shoes in my baller ipsy bag. Is that offered?

LV: I think there’s Barney’s in San Francisco, but Google can confirm.

MG: Tell me, what would be in Marilyn Monroe’s bag?

LV: Marilyn’s fave products were: Vaseline for moitsturizer, like 30 shades of lipstick that she used to get the perfect red, Erno Laszlo skincare (she was friends with Dr. Laszlo and he created products just for her), and Piper Heidseick champagne–which she drank morning, noon, and night.

MG: Would Marilyn subscribe? How do you get so many people to subscribe?

LV: Two things that make ipsy magical: 1) we work with influencers instead of advertising, so that’s how people learn about it and try it. 2) we have an amazing algorithm that customized the products you get. Every time you get a bag, you review how well it matched your  preferences, and the algorithm gets stronger. What’re you doing these days?!

MG: What am I doing? The normal – creating ads, winning awards, wearing fancy shoes at red carpet events like the Oscars and Golden Globes, and of course my lifelong quasi pursuit of Christina Aguilera and Jennifer Lawrence.

LV: I would LOVE to wear fancy shoes to the Oscars! How does one become an Oscar invitee?! Sounds like a dream life.

The Media Guy with the other crocs in the photographers pit.

MG: Oscars? I am so lucking to be on the red carpet (I even found a picture…). I was grandfathered in so to say from my work with Fox and ALO. I keep getting an invitation to shoot the the stars, but I don’t get to rub elbows with Jennifer, or George, or Penelope just yet. I did sneak across this year and take a selfie in front of the step and repeat. I hear you are running marathons…is that the key to good living? Can you run in winter in New York City?

LV: So yes, ipsy is built on the influencer movement. Our influencers share ipsy-related content to their highly engaged audiences and it spreads the word super fast. Influencers usually get paid for their work plus free stuff.

MG: What would you recommend for my daughter’s ipsy bag? She’s 20.

LV: I can’t believe your daughter is 20! She grew up so fast!! I don’t know what would go in her bag–she’d have to take our personalization quiz!

MG: How do you get one of those fancy blue checkmarks on your social media channels?

LV: I have no idea how to get the blue checks. I had a radio show years ago [for Cosmo] and I think the peeps at Cosmo set it up for me, because we had callers chat with through Twittter a lot. But I don’t have them anywhere else! I’d like to get one on Insta[gram] because they shut me down a lot saying that I’m a fake account and I think a check would help a sister out.

MG: You’re married recently. I see Artie and you happy and hanging out coast to coast. What his advice to the men out there with a kick-ass independent woman to keep her moving in the right direction?

LV: He usually says something like, “I guess try to be supportive and encouraging. Stay out of her way and make sure she stays out of her own way.”

MG: Tell me one thing about ipsy that maybe no one else knows.

LV: One thing about ipsy that maybe no one knows: our main office in San Mateo has something called “Lunch Roulette” where random staffers from diff teams are randomly selected to have lunch together at restaurants in town. Random but cool.

MG: Can you explain the Marilyn Monroe thing?

LV: What do you MEAN the thing with Marilyn?! She’s timeless! Iconic! I think what I love most about her is how flawed she was. And her story is kind of a Cinderella story with a tragic ending. She might be one of the most recognized images ever.

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Photo by: Michael Lloyd

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When Part One was posted on June 30, 2011, little did I know that it would produce 62,000 page views – think about that – 62,000 hits for two friends talking about New York and Los Angeles. It still sits in the Top 10 of all time pages views for my humble blog. Nearly two years later, it was time to catch up with Loni Albert aka Lola, the reigning queen of the national beauty scene.

Cosmo Beauty Editor Loni Albert

MEDIA GUY: “Coffee-drinking, lipstick-wearing, punk-rockin’, retro-obsessed, Marilyn-loving, NYC girl.”

That’s a heck of a tagline. One fitting of a young rock star editor of Cosmopolitan magazine. I just went online and looked at your lush online mag, so tell me, do you hang out with the editors who get to research: Sex Moves He Doesn’t Want or Sex Positions?

LONI ALBERT: Haha yes!! And while I hate to shatter your dreams, the content is exactly what you said, “research” just like with a diet or beauty article. Tips come from experts, studies, surveys, etc. The office is definitely filled with fun, fearless Cosmo girls, but that doesn’t mean that we’re all testing out the Kama Sutra during lunch breaks and meetings!

MG: You said “doesn’t mean that we’re all testing out the Kama Sutra during lunch breaks and meetings!” … does that mean that SOME of you are testing out the Kama Sutra at lunch?

LA: Hey, I can’t speak for everyone! But since the office is 90% women and 10% guys who aren’t into girls, I’m going to guess no.

MG: Regardless of who the 90% are and what they are doing at lunch, Cosmo online just added the “Cosmo Kama Sutra: Bad Girl Edition: with THIS caption: “Cosmo is to sex positions what Apple is to the iPhone—when we release a new version, it comes with some pretty awesome features. In this case, very naughty ones.” Oh my. It just got warm in here. Anything to add here on the beauty and aesthetics side?

LA: [Laughs] I tend to find some of these really ambitious! But from a beauty POV, if you’re going to be swinging from the chandelier or trying the backwards mermaid, I recommend girls prep with waterproof eyeliner and mascara and humidity-blocking hair products to keep you looking like a hottie (not a hot mess). There are also motion activating deodorants that release the good-smelling stuff as you get busy. Stock up on those too!

MG: You must be excited about your new weekly radio show with Cosmo’s Beauty Director (aka LW) on Cosmo SiriusXM Radio? (Channel 109 every Thursday at 11.) What’s that going to be like?

LA: So stoked, Jeffy! It’s so much fun. We had our first one last week and its pretty much just girl talk 2.0. We have guests on (all beauty-related of course since that’s my beat) and BS for an hour about enthralling areas of life such as: whether or not having a straight male hairstylist do your hair before a date is like foreplay, and also the importance of an Ego BJ.

MG: Uhhhhhhhh, what’s an Ego BJ, Lola? We’ve never heard of those in Hollywood; would Marilyn have to participate in Ego BJs?

Still getting Ego BJs.

LA: Marilyn would GET ego BJs all day long. In super boring terms, it’s a compliment. The kind that makes you feel amazing like you can take on anything! For example: I hate to give an ego BJ, but your blog is pretty genius, Jeffy.

MG: Ok, of these stars, who definitely has to GIVE Ego BJs and who definitely RECEIVES Ego BJs:

a) Jennifer Lawrence
b) Seal
c) Tyra Banks
d) Christina Hendricks
e) Brad Pitt

LA: I think they’ve all had to give to get to the point where they’d get. Does that make sense? Except Tyra, who seems capable of ego-blowing herself. I love T Banks, and she is certainly one if the most beautiful women out there, but she just talks about herself for hours! Have you seen ANTM?!

MG: You know, the term “BJ” has never made its way into The Media Guy’s blog. Am I being too tame?


LA: Nooo, you’re being a gentleman! A lost art that I am a huge fan of! And to be clear, wearing a suit and sipping old fashions Draper-style does not a gentleman make. Swoon-worthy as Jon Hamm may be, the Mad Men are the worst kind of players.


MG: What does it take to be a Cosmo Girl? Are there Cosmo Guys? I feel like Cosmo could unleash all that ills human relationships…

LA: Cosmo Girls are Fun and Fearless! That’s the tag line. But to me, a Cosmo Girl is a woman who is trying to figure it all out–love, life, family, work–and have as much fun as possible along the way. There are def Cosmo guys! We recently had a two man band called TimeFlies come in the office. They’re in their early 20s and were discovered on YouTube. The whole time they performed for us I was thinking that they were sooo Cosmo.

MG: What’s the latest beauty trends?

LA: The Karlie Kloss haircut, crazy nail art, dewy skin, and lived-in looking walk of shame hair and makeup (think Kate Moss rolling out of Johnny Depp’s bed in the 90s and rocking last night’s eyeliner for an extra day or two.)

MG: Trust me, I have imagined Kate doing just that; except Johnny was not there. Of course I was. Anyway, how embarrassing…who is Karlie Kloss and why does she have her own haircut?

LA: Google her dude. Big time model for VS and everything else. She is so out of control hot (to the point that a nude photo of her sent me into a fat day-meltdown). Recently she snipped off her locks and girls everywhere are lining up to copy the look (including Demi Lovato, Jennifer Lawrence, and Cosmo editors).

MG: Recently you told us to “ditch the tanning salon and learn to define beauty on [your] own terms.” Do you find that many people are still slaves to beauty on other people’s terms? Isn’t everyone beautiful in their own way [shhhh! I’m channeling my inner Christina Aguilera]? Is New York obsessed with beauty like LA is?

We all miss her Dirty Days.

LA: Oh X-Tina. I miss her Dirty Days. Did you know she was born in Staten Island?! NYC is totes obsessed with beauty, are you kidding?! This is where Fashion Week takes place, where the best salons in the world are located, and where most of the shoots you admire in mags are shot. I’d say NYC is equally as beauty-crazy as LA. People feel pressure to be slaves to trends everywhere, and sometimes they do it because they just like it! Like ombré hair (hair that starts dark at the root and gradually lightens to blonde at the tips). Girls see it in mags and on their fave celebs, love how it looks and try it out. I’m not against that, I just personally prefer having something that feels like it has my stamp to it. A little less one size fits all.

MG: Can guys take your advice too?

LA: Guys should definitely find a way to create their own look! Maybe you’re the guy who always rocks a bit of sexy scruff? Or has a kick-ass sneaker collection that you mix and match with dressier looks? Make it you!

MG: Do you do your own photo shoots are just do a “Don Draper” and tell them to bring you back a winner?

LA: Swoon! I heart Don. But not his adulterous tendencies.  Some shoots I’m on set, others my boss goes to. It’s usually just a logistical thing.

MG: What is so 2012?

LA: Feathered hair attachments, donut buns, matte nails, calling pregnant celebs fat (that was/is never cool).

MG: What’s next for Lola?

LA: Getting hitched! We’re doing it up next summer. Can’t wait!

MG: Besides defining our own beauty, what’s the single most important thing we should know/do/think about our public beauty?

LA: Stop competing with others, just love and accept yourself. It’s a lesson I struggle with everyday, but if you’re trying to win a fictional beauty contest, you’re gonna lose. Even that bombshell strutting down the block has something about herself she’d love to tweak, and probably sees something in you she wishes she had. Make the best with what you’ve got (lipstick and heels can solve anything, in convinced) and then flaunt your hotness for the world to admire. You too Jeffy (minus the lips and heels…unless you’re into that now? No judgments.)

MG: [Smiles] Well, you promised you would not tell anyone about my lipstick diaries [sigh]…poor me.

LA: I adore you and miss you and hope to see your sexiness soon. Oh, and follow me on Twitter and Instagram @lonialbert.

Showing Fergie how to be glam

With the Zombie Boy

The post The Continuing Adventures of Lola and Jeffy appeared first on Media Guy Struggles.

As a lifelong Angeleno it’s difficult to always connect with the passive aggressive (and sometimes just plain aggressive) attitude of my New York counterparts. For them, they are more virtuous, better informed and, well, they reside at the center of the universe. Shoot, even most of the international flights are gatewayed through their Kennedy Airport.

LONI ALBERT: Angelinos should come hang in NY because it’s so REAL. I love love love LA, but it feels like one giant movie set. That may be fun and glamorous and “comfortable” — I get it. But sometimes you need more than that. NY is raw and random and diverse. Maybe all the ugliness makes the small glimpses of beauty that much more beautiful.

MG: I have to admit that it was rather comfortable last weekend poolside – 75 degrees – sipping on a freshly-blended margarita. Does that sound soft to you? I was thinking that in about four months that the power would be out on the East Coast as you shovel out from the 10 inches of snow. How do you deal with snow and the anger it produces? LA: Aside from a few days a year, the snow has never really stopped me from going to school, work, dinner with friends, etc. You just learn to deal. There are sucky things like being stuck on the bus for a few hours because the roads are scary and covered in ice, but it’s also kind of sexy to spend a snow day inside with your significant other with nothing else to do but…..stay warm

MG: Tell me more about spending sexy snow days. In L.A., the pretty people do Naked Sundays (a staple in the Christina Aguilera pre-divorce household). Speaking of her, did you see the picture she held up when accepting her star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame – just kidding but a Media Guy can dream.

A boy can dream.

LA: Naked any day is always a good idea. West Coast, East Coast, wherever. You don’t need L.A. sunshine for that

LA: (a) I’m not 24 anymore, that was two years ago when we met! I’m a grandma now at 26!, and (b) my title at Cosmo is Associate Beauty Editor, but I’m thrilled nonetheless!

LA: It’s a lot like Sex and The City except I don’t wear $900 shoes, sleep with every waiter at every restaurant, and rarely take cabs. Okay, it’s not like Sex and The City at all. But I do drink Cosmos

One pink beauty…hold the Simpson!

MG: Lola…what do you recommend for anyone crashing a wedding in Vegas?

(L to R: Lola’s buddy Britt, Loni, and Heidi Klum)

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