Okay, so where am I?

I’m out on vacation from my 60 hour a week marketing gig working my other media job that I can only do when I’m on vacation. Good thing my 60 hour a week career has a liberal time-off policy akin to the countries of France and Brazil. Ah, the things I do to make commercials and extra scratch for the folks in Japan!

So, I’m at Atlanta and I made the mistake of letting my office handle the arrangements and I wound up in the bad part of Atlanta…called Atlanta. Take a look in the header of this blog and picture this friendly, All-American face wondering in Atlanta and gasp, “Ohhhhhhhhhhh Noooooooooooo!”

Not great, Bob!

I don’t know if you’ve ever been driving around a sketchy neighborhood and you do what I do and tell yourself, “It’s me.” Yep, it’s me judging the neighborhood inappropriately.

I do it a lot and I cannot lie.

My inner dialogue went something like this:

“Stop it…it’s fine…it’s different and I like it…thank you! What a vibrant community to let my rental Mercedes idle at these loooooooooooooooooong, long lights. Nope! No danger here….24 hour check cashing places? What a wonderful service. Yes, those should be on every corner!…Oh ‘Cash for Gold’ you say? Yes! Thank you very much, let me scribble a note down just in case.”

I knew it was a bad area because I saw a pimp strolling around. How do I know it was a pimp? Close your eyes and picture a pimp. Yep, that’s him. Do not, I repeat, do not alter your first draft of mental pimp in the least. A man in a Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat suit, a furry fedora, a glass cane, platform shoes, and a pinky ring.

Indeed, I saw a pimp.

Listen, I’m not babe in the woods but seeing a pimp outside of the movies (*) in 2018 where all such activities are reserved for the world wide web is a clear indicator that I was in the wrong part of town.

A mile away I arrived at my hotel and, I don’t know if you’re still playing the picture game, but it wasn’t looking like a Four Seasons. It was more like an abandoned building here someone spray painted the word “Hotel” on the side of it. So there I am checking in behind 20 inches of bulletproof Plexiglas and imagining what a delightful stay this is going to be while asking what the Wi-Fi password is but not being able to hear though the muffled sound of an apathetic front desk clerk.

It was then when it hit me. It doesn’t have anything to do with me or or my perception of the area. This is just a messed up area and I need to get the hell out of here. So there I am in the middle of the transaction, wallet in one hand, roller bag in the other, I was like: “Never mind all of this!” as I kept rolling back out hoping my Mercedes wasn’t on blocks at this point.

I roll out to the parking lot and this whole thing is playing out like a Jeff Foxworthy standup routine and jump into the my car with my bag on my lap pretending to be Snake Plissken,  but really more like George Costanza facing a fire.  All I knew is I need to get somewhere more bougie.

With my handle trembling towards my GPS system I proceeded to search for the most bougie place I could think of in Atlanta: Barnes and Noble. (**)

(**) I feel many of you reading this are wondering if you can laugh at this one, while others are you are quietly filing this away mentally to use at a later time when you find yourself in the wrong part of town. Other businesses that will work for this get out of sketchy scenario include: Panera and the Apple Store. 

Whatever you think of this strategy, just know that in 22 minutes I had a scone and an espresso while getting a foot massage at The Ritz-Carlton Buckhead. (***)

(***) – AD OF THE WEEK/MONTH/WHATEVER
Glico
Agency: Me, The Media Guy, Michael Lloyd

Here’s the work that came from the Atlanta meetings and that scone:

The post Pimping Out Atlanta appeared first on Media Guy Struggles.

First, the big news…

The Media Guy strikes again. A double winner in the 2015 Telly Awards competition. What are the Tellys? Only one of the most prestigious honors in the the advertising industry. Sure, the Clios get all the glam, but the Telly Awards carry a lot of juice.

Yet I digress…


Okay, so where am I?

I still may or may not be negotiating with some nefarious figures in Azerbaijan on human rights issues for Amnesty International. Or maybe I’m wrapping up a book for a retired South Korean bad-ass turned ambassador. What I can tell you is that I just spent a lovely morning catching up with with my dear friend Gizelle Pierre.

Google her. You won’t find her. She’s a mercenary and a makeshift spy. Her undercover work is known by all the wrong people and only a few of the right ones. If she shows up at your home in the shadows of the night, don’t count on sipping your morning coffee at dawn. As a matter of fact, you’ll probably won’t wake up at all. She’s Mrs. Smith without all of the Mr. Smith-Brad Pitt nonsense. She’s also one of the greatest advertising muses in the world. She is the inspiration for the Creme d’Or Ice Cream spot (featured below in the Ad of the Week/Month/Whatever below), GQ’s How to date series (below as well), and my Clio-winning spots from the nineties.

Gizelle is everything you want and she’ll even tell you how to date her!

She calls herself simple, yet one look at her petite, curvy frame let’s you know she is so much more. A lifetime of adventures trapped in confidential silence. Her deep eyes tell you even more. With a deep, throaty laugh she proclaimed, “Holy silencer! It’s 2015, I’m recently single and I’m in my forties. The next year is is going to be a little crazy. I may need to get a few more passports!”

With that, we dived into her 2015 Dating Rules for guys who want a shot with her and her equally wacky girlfriends:

1. We’re all crazy.

It’s cool because guys are more than a little crazy too. But some of us women, holy sh*t. I have stories for days and I’ve only been dating for a short time again. But ask any guy you know in any situation and they’ll all agree: either jump on for the ride or get out of the way.

2. It’s about the aura not about anything else.

We all know this one too. What do we say we want? No seriously, ask one, ask a 100, ask me! We say things like “he’s gotta be smart…and nice…and funny!” Oh, definitely funny. I love funny guys, and he must be be respectful. But he has to be direct because I don’t play games. Guess what? I just lied to you like seven times right there and I am not even the craziest one. At the end of it all, but nice, funny, rich, etc., but really if you doing have that aura and energy that connects with me you are cooked. We should just do a coffee and see if we match. You’ll know if we should be together before your latte is dips to 120 degrees.

3. If I don’t act interested, I really am.

I’ll give you my number, but I won’t answer until the third time you call. I say I’m available but my schedule is always booked when you try to make a plan. Timing is everything you know?! After all, I am undercover 90% of the time.

4. Have a pickup line that actually works. 

Every girl needs a little protection and some contacts that change colors.

The pickup line that works is, like, when guys are just nice and giving you compliments with confidence. You know, “Hi, your hair looks good today.” “Hi, I like those shoes.” But then they also might be gay, but—it doesn’t matter. Ha! Really though, I don’t like lines, so just be you. Because when you try to hard, you end up looking like a fool, and we both feel awkward, and now I have to tell you to walk away and I’m keeping the $14 cocktail that you just bought me.

5. I mean I love poetry…

…but be manly. Manliness is the best thing. Who wouldn’t want to date a manly guy? A lumberjack…or an astronaut…a crocodile wrangler…smell like gasoline—gasoline in the woods. Seriously though, take control of the date and the activity and what we are doing. Make me feel safe. Don’t worry, I am happy to pay for half. But whatever you do, don’t be that rude guy. You know that guy who’s rude to people for no particular reason. If you’re rude to anybody that’s beneath you or you treat people like they’re beneath you, that’s a deal-breaker. It shows a lot about somebody’s integrity, personality, how they are as a person by the way they treat other people. Don’t let any failures affect your self-worth because that will show through and you’ll get into a snowball of self-loathing.

How to Date…

It’s a little known fact the Gizelle was the muse behind the How to Date Series from GQ. From True Detective star Alexandra Daddario recommending Tinder to Game of Thrones queen Natalie Dormer talking about where to pick people up,
one-liners, and more, these vignettes give you everything you need to charm your lady.

The post Gizelle: Model, Spy and World’s Greatest Muse appeared first on Media Guy Struggles.

Just enough time before Christmas to squeeze in a few tidbits from my latest trip in Japan.

So here I am knocking out the next season off Miss Pilot and in the middle of it I was called away to a wireless company prove how fast their data speeds are. How did I do it? I used the old fry shrimps in three seconds advertising metaphor…Impossible?

Take a peek:

All of this was happening while our friends in North Korea revealed their end game bullying Sony Pictures to pull the poorly conceived Interview from theaters in perpetuity. Who will save Sony from themselves? Perhaps Bruce Willis and Rudolph! Take a look at Fly Hard, a Die Hard/Rudolph Parody Trailer Movie Mashup:

My final bit of embarrassing work centers on my new ice cream commercial that began airing this week. (You may remember my previous headshaker from Lotte… However, this is ten times worse, but it pays the bills!:

At least there is Chocolate Eclair coffee at Starbucks here…More from Tokyo in the next column.

The post Yippie Ki Yay: Notes and Videos from Tokyo appeared first on Media Guy Struggles.