When Part One was posted on June 30, 2011, little did I know that it would produce 62,000 page views – think about that – 62,000 hits for two friends talking about New York and Los Angeles. It still sits in the Top 10 of all time pages views for my humble blog. Nearly two years later, it was time to catch up with Loni Albert aka Lola, the reigning queen of the national beauty scene.

Cosmo Beauty Editor Loni Albert

MEDIA GUY: “Coffee-drinking, lipstick-wearing, punk-rockin’, retro-obsessed, Marilyn-loving, NYC girl.”

That’s a heck of a tagline. One fitting of a young rock star editor of Cosmopolitan magazine. I just went online and looked at your lush online mag, so tell me, do you hang out with the editors who get to research: Sex Moves He Doesn’t Want or Sex Positions?

LONI ALBERT: Haha yes!! And while I hate to shatter your dreams, the content is exactly what you said, “research” just like with a diet or beauty article. Tips come from experts, studies, surveys, etc. The office is definitely filled with fun, fearless Cosmo girls, but that doesn’t mean that we’re all testing out the Kama Sutra during lunch breaks and meetings!

MG: You said “doesn’t mean that we’re all testing out the Kama Sutra during lunch breaks and meetings!” … does that mean that SOME of you are testing out the Kama Sutra at lunch?

LA: Hey, I can’t speak for everyone! But since the office is 90% women and 10% guys who aren’t into girls, I’m going to guess no.

MG: Regardless of who the 90% are and what they are doing at lunch, Cosmo online just added the “Cosmo Kama Sutra: Bad Girl Edition: with THIS caption: “Cosmo is to sex positions what Apple is to the iPhone—when we release a new version, it comes with some pretty awesome features. In this case, very naughty ones.” Oh my. It just got warm in here. Anything to add here on the beauty and aesthetics side?

LA: [Laughs] I tend to find some of these really ambitious! But from a beauty POV, if you’re going to be swinging from the chandelier or trying the backwards mermaid, I recommend girls prep with waterproof eyeliner and mascara and humidity-blocking hair products to keep you looking like a hottie (not a hot mess). There are also motion activating deodorants that release the good-smelling stuff as you get busy. Stock up on those too!

MG: You must be excited about your new weekly radio show with Cosmo’s Beauty Director (aka LW) on Cosmo SiriusXM Radio? (Channel 109 every Thursday at 11.) What’s that going to be like?

LA: So stoked, Jeffy! It’s so much fun. We had our first one last week and its pretty much just girl talk 2.0. We have guests on (all beauty-related of course since that’s my beat) and BS for an hour about enthralling areas of life such as: whether or not having a straight male hairstylist do your hair before a date is like foreplay, and also the importance of an Ego BJ.

MG: Uhhhhhhhh, what’s an Ego BJ, Lola? We’ve never heard of those in Hollywood; would Marilyn have to participate in Ego BJs?

Still getting Ego BJs.

LA: Marilyn would GET ego BJs all day long. In super boring terms, it’s a compliment. The kind that makes you feel amazing like you can take on anything! For example: I hate to give an ego BJ, but your blog is pretty genius, Jeffy.

MG: Ok, of these stars, who definitely has to GIVE Ego BJs and who definitely RECEIVES Ego BJs:

a) Jennifer Lawrence
b) Seal
c) Tyra Banks
d) Christina Hendricks
e) Brad Pitt

LA: I think they’ve all had to give to get to the point where they’d get. Does that make sense? Except Tyra, who seems capable of ego-blowing herself. I love T Banks, and she is certainly one if the most beautiful women out there, but she just talks about herself for hours! Have you seen ANTM?!

MG: You know, the term “BJ” has never made its way into The Media Guy’s blog. Am I being too tame?


LA: Nooo, you’re being a gentleman! A lost art that I am a huge fan of! And to be clear, wearing a suit and sipping old fashions Draper-style does not a gentleman make. Swoon-worthy as Jon Hamm may be, the Mad Men are the worst kind of players.


MG: What does it take to be a Cosmo Girl? Are there Cosmo Guys? I feel like Cosmo could unleash all that ills human relationships…

LA: Cosmo Girls are Fun and Fearless! That’s the tag line. But to me, a Cosmo Girl is a woman who is trying to figure it all out–love, life, family, work–and have as much fun as possible along the way. There are def Cosmo guys! We recently had a two man band called TimeFlies come in the office. They’re in their early 20s and were discovered on YouTube. The whole time they performed for us I was thinking that they were sooo Cosmo.

MG: What’s the latest beauty trends?

LA: The Karlie Kloss haircut, crazy nail art, dewy skin, and lived-in looking walk of shame hair and makeup (think Kate Moss rolling out of Johnny Depp’s bed in the 90s and rocking last night’s eyeliner for an extra day or two.)

MG: Trust me, I have imagined Kate doing just that; except Johnny was not there. Of course I was. Anyway, how embarrassing…who is Karlie Kloss and why does she have her own haircut?

LA: Google her dude. Big time model for VS and everything else. She is so out of control hot (to the point that a nude photo of her sent me into a fat day-meltdown). Recently she snipped off her locks and girls everywhere are lining up to copy the look (including Demi Lovato, Jennifer Lawrence, and Cosmo editors).

MG: Recently you told us to “ditch the tanning salon and learn to define beauty on [your] own terms.” Do you find that many people are still slaves to beauty on other people’s terms? Isn’t everyone beautiful in their own way [shhhh! I’m channeling my inner Christina Aguilera]? Is New York obsessed with beauty like LA is?

We all miss her Dirty Days.

LA: Oh X-Tina. I miss her Dirty Days. Did you know she was born in Staten Island?! NYC is totes obsessed with beauty, are you kidding?! This is where Fashion Week takes place, where the best salons in the world are located, and where most of the shoots you admire in mags are shot. I’d say NYC is equally as beauty-crazy as LA. People feel pressure to be slaves to trends everywhere, and sometimes they do it because they just like it! Like ombré hair (hair that starts dark at the root and gradually lightens to blonde at the tips). Girls see it in mags and on their fave celebs, love how it looks and try it out. I’m not against that, I just personally prefer having something that feels like it has my stamp to it. A little less one size fits all.

MG: Can guys take your advice too?

LA: Guys should definitely find a way to create their own look! Maybe you’re the guy who always rocks a bit of sexy scruff? Or has a kick-ass sneaker collection that you mix and match with dressier looks? Make it you!

MG: Do you do your own photo shoots are just do a “Don Draper” and tell them to bring you back a winner?

LA: Swoon! I heart Don. But not his adulterous tendencies.  Some shoots I’m on set, others my boss goes to. It’s usually just a logistical thing.

MG: What is so 2012?

LA: Feathered hair attachments, donut buns, matte nails, calling pregnant celebs fat (that was/is never cool).

MG: What’s next for Lola?

LA: Getting hitched! We’re doing it up next summer. Can’t wait!

MG: Besides defining our own beauty, what’s the single most important thing we should know/do/think about our public beauty?

LA: Stop competing with others, just love and accept yourself. It’s a lesson I struggle with everyday, but if you’re trying to win a fictional beauty contest, you’re gonna lose. Even that bombshell strutting down the block has something about herself she’d love to tweak, and probably sees something in you she wishes she had. Make the best with what you’ve got (lipstick and heels can solve anything, in convinced) and then flaunt your hotness for the world to admire. You too Jeffy (minus the lips and heels…unless you’re into that now? No judgments.)

MG: [Smiles] Well, you promised you would not tell anyone about my lipstick diaries [sigh]…poor me.

LA: I adore you and miss you and hope to see your sexiness soon. Oh, and follow me on Twitter and Instagram @lonialbert.

Showing Fergie how to be glam

With the Zombie Boy

The post The Continuing Adventures of Lola and Jeffy appeared first on Media Guy Struggles.