I love this little lady…

Okay, so where am I?

On the heels of the Clio win, I’m in front of my television after having watched a hockey game for the third time gleaning inspiration for a “homework assignment” I am working on as a tryout to contribute to a popular website. Who knows where it will lead? Who cares though? It’s great as an old dog to try new tricks.

All of this triggered my anxieties from my old days as a copywriter. Those endless nights in front of Selectric Typewriters with the hum urging my fingers into action, and, later, word processors with their fancy white cursors doing the same on the green background.

Being a copywriter is an amazing, yet disturbing occupation. I mean, you get paid to put words to paper. It’s one part brilliance and one part perseverance. It’s the art of sculpting fog as I’ve covered before.

The brilliance is that a copywriter has the ability to generate sales and positive branding for your clients while the perseverance comes from grinding through the feedback that rocks you to your core. The wrong set of “constructive criticism can trigger a full-scale identity crisis and make you wonder if you’re in the wrong profession.

The biggest influence I ever had in the copywriter world (and the Ad Man/Media Guy world) is that I never want the emotional wave that swallows you whole when you think you’re a fraud or incompetent. Yes kids, this how you feel when your client asks, “ Who the hell wrote this copy?” Every day, I think back to those instances and it energizes me to not only knock out my daily tasks, but think of those big ideas as well.

For me being a copywriter spurred an entire career. For me, that’s 32 years and counting. If this is the trade you desire, I celebrate your courage, innovation, and idiocy. Each day is a fresh scuffle against stalling, that blinking cursor, and those voices in your mind that scream you don’t really know what you’re doing. Best career ever.

So without further procrastination, here’s a quick tick list of the things you need to do in order be a successful ad agency copywriter.

Consume caffeine.

Not a coffee person? I wasn’t either. But, hey, this is what we do. Before you lift open your Mac Book, head to the coffeemaker and brew yourself a K-cup. If you want people to think you’re cool, drink it black—like your heart. If you want to truly appreciate the taste, splash some cream in it. It’s the perfect remedy for a late night or the more than occasional doldrums that plague the work day.

Keep a daily to do list.

Talk to your boss. Make a list. Shape your day. If you do, you’ll be put on projects and business you crave and desire.

Battle writer’s block.

Blink….blink…blink…

There she is again: that blinking cursor. You swear up and down you killed it yesterday, but she’s back, like that cat from Pet Sematary. Don’t be scared. Kill the bear, or rather, the blank doc. Down that morning coffee and bring your special set of skills and wage battle. The blinking cursor is going down once again.

Base camps.

No one every climbed Everest in a day and you can’t do it with your mountain of work. Build some momentum If I have an email that just needs a subject line, I’m moving that bad boy to the top of my list.

Be a firefighter.

Quench all fires as soon as possible. The urgent projects and needy clients you’re your attention first. Keep them happy and you will have the mental real estate to be as creative you want later in the day.

Inspirational views for a potential third Clio.

Focus on billable work.

Don’t daydream all day and try to knock out work in a tiny window leaving only a handful of billable hours for your agency to bill. For you newbies, billable work is merely the labor your clients authorize payments for. More work means more revenue for the agency. Fill up that time sheet and you will mostly likely see your own paycheck rise at annual review time.

Take your constitutionals.

I’ve spent my days chained to my desk throughout my agency days. Don’t do that yourself. Take a break—not a long one, but enough of one to stretch your legs. Go for a quick walk and grab a Starbuck. You’ll get back to your desk revitalized and prepared for the blinking cursor.

Know when to call it a day.

If you say to yourself, “nobody told me there would be days like this…” remember that I just did! Some days are tougher than others. They won’t all be like this. Some days you won’t have it.

Go home, find your happy spot. For goodness sakes, get some good sleep in. The blinking cursor will be ready for you tomorrow morning.

—

So there you have it…now it’s time to channel my inner wordsmith and deliver a winner on this old dog, new trick homework assignment.

Click to enlarge.

The post Before Coffee Your Brain Doesn’t Work So Well appeared first on Media Guy Struggles.

Madrid called me around the holidays (actually Spanish Television called to do a table read in the never-ending journal to get the Media Guy Struggles pilot made into something real – in any language) and I was all in.

As is the case back home near Hollywood, I didn’t sleep much. Because of that I got up close and personal with Spanish coffees looking to keep that edge and get my show made.

If I had to guess I would say that America became obsessed with Starbucks (west coast) Dunkin’ Donuts (east coast) coffee not for the taste, but for the simplicity – it was much easier to simply order “a cup of coffee.” Not to mention the to-go factor. As a culture, we’ve developed a global stereotype (particularly acknowledged by Europeans and Middle Easterners) that our coffee is watered down, dull and hardly enjoyed, sipped or swigged in huge cups at the speed of a 7-Eleven Big Gulp®. It wasn’t until the introduction of Starbucks that we thought we got a little more class, that our coffee consumption skyrocketed to include fancy-pants sizes and milk variations with shiny flamboyant Italian nicknames.

Then around 2005 something called the Gibraltar happened in San Francisco to a once-little company named Blue Bottle Coffee – which if you know anything about being hip has helped spawn a catalyst within the Northern California coffee movement, as well as along the West Coast, over to New York and popping up in London (although they have a lot of influence from the Aussies, whom also make excellent coffee). But did that really happen? Was that really an invention? Or a renaming of the existing Spanish cortado? All finger pointing aside, coffee and espresso drinks are some of the most widely consumed beverages in the world, and the manner in which they are ordered and prepared differs according to countries, backgrounds or the baristas’ habits.

The Spanish people have developed quite a taste, or perhaps dependency on coffee since its arrival from Turkish immigrants in the 17th century. The general consensus is that the coffee here is good, although it may be argued that the coffee tastes better in Italy and Portugal, and certainly worse in France.

What do you need to know to order an espresso drink or coffee in Spain?

Spaniards aren’t known to eat a hefty breakfast, in fact for a true experience during your stay in the country, steer clear of restaurants or cafes offering an American or British breakfast. On a given day, the local eateries will be filled with common citizens, or even hotshot politicians (if they dare show their faces), munching a pastry, or toasts with tomato pulp with their café con leche, 1:1 ration of strong coffee or espresso with steamed milk, or what we might register as a caffé latte.

That said, coffee in Spain is consumed at all hours of the day, particular after larger meals or in the late afternoon at the merienda hour (5-7p roughly) served alongside a slice of olive oil or egg yolk cakes. Besides this fact — you’ll soon see for yourself during your time in Spain a culture of tomando un café (or tomar un café — to have a coffee) via patios, terraces, cafes, bars, gas stations, and restaurants offering all sorts of food stuff but also always coffee, and this practice is not only a time for caffeine, but an opportunity to catch up and meet with friends, family, colleagues, or intercambios (language exchanges).

Café Solo – a very strong and small serving of coffee; generally a single shot of espresso. I have no statistics to prove this theory, but I most commonly witness people ordering this version after lunch for a quick pick-me-up, therefore reducing the likelihood of falling into a food coma, or after dinner for the sobremesa chats and table lingering.

Café Solo Doble* – same as above but with a double shot of espresso and maybe a larger vessel (pending the bar/cafe)

(Café) Cortado – an espresso cut with steamed milk (from Spanish verb cortar), typically 1:1 – 2:1 espresso to milk ration, and served in a short and stout glass. It’s similar to the piccolo in Australia, the Gibraltar in US and to the Italian version of a caffé macchiato. Popularly ordered around the merienda hours to give a little jolt as well as the illusion of eating something sweet between meals (with the addition of sugar packets most likely).

Café con Leche – to reiterate from above, this is one of Spain’s most popular drinks, and often the favorite for its balanced flavors and comforting sensations, equal parts milk and coffee. Breakfast is a common timeframe for this size, as is the merienda a 5pm snack hour, but it’s really as classic as El Clasico (a futbol / soccer match). Sometimes this drink will be served table-side, with the waiters pouring the (very) hot milk into a short & skinny glass, or wide brimmed demitasse cup.

(Café) Americano – an espresso shot served in a larger glass and watered down. Usually ordered by out-of-towners looking to replace their usual coffee routine since you won’t find filtered coffee in many places in Spain; espresso machines are the norm, or instant coffee.

Café Manchado – a less common order, but a popular choice nonetheless for those that like their caffeinated beverages just “stained,” the literal term for staining a short (café con leche) glass of milk with a small amount of espresso. May also be referred to on some menus as a lágrima – from other Spanish speaking countries like Argentina.

Café con Hielo – during the hot summer months the Spaniards cool down with this espresso and ice cubes, served in a whiskey glass.

Café Suizo – a shot of espresso served with a dollop of whipped cream; identical to the Italian ‘espresso con panna’ although not very common on Spanish menus.  (I like La Granja Viader in Barcelona for this drink because of their homemade cream).

Café Bombon – a café solo (espresso) served with a hefty spoonful of condensed milk, thought to have originated in Valencia, Spain.

Carajillo – a café solo served with a touch of brandy, although whiskey or rum can be substituted.

Trifásico – a less common and often regionally ordered drink along the Costa Brava and Costa Blanca, the trifásico includes three ingredients: coffee, milk/cream/or condensed milk and a liquor (usually anything from whiskey, brandy to Baileys).

Know your caffeine preference upfront, otherwise they will assume you want regular or strong espressos and coffee. Typically decaffeinated, descafeinado, comes from an instant coffee packet,  so if you want decaffeinated and from the espresso machine you must request for example, café _________ + descafeinado de maquina.

AND if you didn’t have enough already: You also have the option to speak up about your exact coffee preferences; so with the cortado or the café con leche you could order ‘corto de café’ (literally short on coffee) or ‘largo de café’ (long on coffee).

*Double shots – If you’re looking for more caffeine that resembles a ristretto then you’ll need to request that your drink be made as a double shot; the standard is one. To do this, use the above terminology but add doble to the end, e.g. Café con leche doble, cortado doble, manchado doble.
**Also note in Spain, unlike in Italy (or other countries that I haven’t visited yet), if you would like a glass of water to go with your coffee, you must ask your server for it – un vaso de agua por favor.

Sugars / Sweeteners
Spaniards are quite generous with their sugar packets, the processed white variety, or common table sugar. Bars and cafés often put of a lot of effort into insuring that theirs are printed with their business name and address (reminds me of the omnipresent matches in the US during the 90s). Should you need more however, simply ask “me traes /or me das un poco de azúcar por favor?” (will you bring / give me sugar please?). If you’re a fiend for raw sugar, azúcar de caña,  is the courser, less processed version (sometimes) available.

Honey is very rare to accompany coffee in Spain, but still worth a shot if this is your preference, and you ask nicely. The word for honey is (la) miel.

Now the above mentioned list should allow you to order a coffee or espresso throughout any part of Spain with no problems. Be sure to visit my favorite neighborhood vendors and recommended coffee shops; Toma Café in Madrid, La Bicicleta, and Satan’s Coffee Corner in Barcelona (more Spanish coffee shop recommendations at bottom of page).

However, if you plan to “monkey see monkey do” and order a coffee like a local when in Málaga, then pay attention to the following:

Café Central tucked along a narrow side street in the old city of Málaga has claimed the invention of the following coffee ordering standard, a brain scramble, un cacao mental, for outsiders but none the less a fascinating Andalusian idiosyncrasy. The story goes that the camarero, D. José Prado Crespo, or Pepe for short, was fed up of dealing with crazy customers requests, “Pepe ponme un poquito más” “a little more coffee/milk” or “¡ya está! suficiente leche ya” “OK, that’s enough milk.” He developed a ten level café system to simplify his work life as well as the lives of his coworkers.

Ordering a coffee in Málaga, Spain requires a bit of practice. Or point and smile : )

Since its conception, the system has been adopted by the majority of the baristas and servers around Málaga. It goes like this: nube, sombra, corto, entrecorto, mitad, solo corto, semi-largo, largo, and the solo. The nube, or cloud, contains a splash of coffee, the mitad is equal parts 1:1 coffee and milk, and the solo is the same as in the rest of Spain, all black. However nowadays we give the servers even more work, non-fat milk, soy requests, or even the size of the glass is ultimately “your wish is my command.”

If the above is altogether too complicated, ordering “un cappuccino, por favor,” will be internationally understood. Just keep your standards in check, this won’t be Italy — which according to the INEI consists of: “traditional cappuccinos are made up of 25ml of espresso and 125ml of steam-whipped milk, starting with cold milk (3-5°C) and brought to a temperature of about 55°C and then poured over Italian certified espresso in a cup the size of 150-160ml. The milk must be fresh bovine with a minimum of 3.2% proteins and 3.5% fat, and steam-whipped in a specific way.” Precise isn’t it?

Maybe a café con leche in Spain is the way to go after all!

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That was a neat little trick you pulled off on my recent flight. I mean pull around the coffee, tea, and juice service cart and ask politely if I want an ice cold Coca-Cola or perhaps a zumo de manzana so fresh I’d feel like I picked it myself and ran it through my Jack LaLanne juicer.

Instead I sifted through the dozen or so offerings and opted for Nescafé espresso with milk. “Espresso” I thought….what a nice treat on my quick international commuter flight. Ah to be on the Avenue des Champs-Élysées nursing my espresso at a sidewalk cafe as tourists from around the globe carrying their fancy Louis Vuitton and Givenchy shopping bags paraded in front of me to their next stops in their retail debauchery sojourns.

Yes, Iberia, you had me at “Nescafé” as I mentally locked arms with George Clooney and Penelope Cruz preparing to sip the smooth java gold that only this instant brand can deliver.

Then, Iberia, you cut me down to earth in second. As if being sliced effortlessly by a matador’s sabre in Madrid’s legendary bull ring you struck! After serving my espresso, the bad news was delivered: “Five Euros, please…” Imagine my look of astonishment as I fished out my Euro coins, scrambling to find the right combination to equal the magic number that had wrestled me from my daydream with those beautiful Oscar winners.

I mean, really, Iberia?

Charging for drinks without alcohol?

This is a new twist on squeezing revenue out of your passengers. At least announce it in Spanish over the intercom so it gives the illusion there was fair warning. What was I supposed to do after it was served? Refuse to pay? What kind of entitled American traveler would attempt that? (Probably a lot, but not me…) I paid while the empathetic flight attendant embraced me in a way only a mature, seasoned air hostess could while reaching into your wallet for five Euros.

At the end of it, I sipped on those four ounces of heaven and toasted to George and Penelope. I’d like to think no they toasted back. 

The post The Saga of the Five Euro Nescafé appeared first on Media Guy Struggles.

I’m at the LA Art Show rubbing elbows with Oscar-winner Anne Hathaway and Natasha Henstridge, the alien goddess from Species. Getting here was another story. The traffic from Hollywood to the

dilapidated convention center in Downtown Los Angeles was nothing short of terrifying frustration. I mean, really? 58 minutes to go 5.5 miles? Sheesh! And that’s not counting the 22 minutes I spent at one of our new Dunkin’ Donuts with a winding line of coffee hipsters.

Once upon a time strolling into your local cafe or McDonald’s or food truck to get a cup of inspirational joe to jump start your creative process was simple. You ordered it black or cream and sugar slapped a George Washington on the counter and sauntered out with contented smile to greet your mountain of work. Since when did getting coffee become such an ordeal?

Like many of America’s problems, this one is rooted in a common theme: too much variety. Of course, you can get any of these varieties:

…and this doesn’t include the Frappuccinos and the food…yet I digress.

I finally make it to the front of the line and I ask for a large coffee and the I’m asked, “Iced or Hot?” Now I’m as open-minded as the next guy, but I recoiled. “Allow me to give you a quick tutorial…” I whispered. “The day ‘hot’ is not the default assumption for a cup of coffee is the day I drive over a cliff Thelma & Louise style. I would no sooner ask you for an iced coffee than I would sit down at Ruth’s Chris and ask the waiter for a frozen steak and point.” At that point the young lady behind the counter was near tears as she suggested I leave.

So I drove to a Starbucks where their drink menu is even more absurdly huge and I’m forced to change my vocabulary to Italian. Small is tall, medium is grande and large is venti. The twentysomething couple in front of me ordered a caramel praline Frappuccino with three pumps of mocha, a pumpkin spice loaf slice and two straws. They probably could have heard me roll my eyes but they were too busy talking about buying a new outfit for their beagle.

A rendering of Shaq’s sweet bronze statue to be.

Not a soul in that Starbucks was ordering a regular coffee but me. I felt as if I walked into a Nordstrom and asked where I could buy a pair of dungarees and a straw hat. The barista asked me my name to write on the cup and I told it was “Exasperated.”

I did strike up an interesting conversation while waiting for my coffee that required a pour-over since they were out of regular coffee. The lady in front of me noted that only in LA could people come together after parting so acrimoniously. Under the heading of “reunited and it feels so good,” the master media manipulator of NBA past, Shaquille O’Neal, and the Los Angeles Lakers has reconciled. Thanks to the Lakers and AEG, the Diesel is getting a bad-ass stature at Staples Center some time during the 2016-2017 season. At least there’s free wi-fi, right?

What happened to the regular cup of coffee? Let’s invest in a red can of Folgers or a blue can of Maxwell House and not worry if the beans were picked by a kid making ten cents a day. Pour that black gold into a ceramic glazed 22-ounce mug and celebrate the simplicity of inspirational caffeine.

How foolish of me to have wasted all that time shopping for some java. The convention had a Starbucks one escalator ride down from the main entrance at the art show. It justs goes to show you, inspiration is everywhere!

A pregnant Anne Hathaway rocked the red carpet seventies style…

…with a mini Marc Jacobs dress and Miu Miu sandals.

Natasha Henstridge still among the finest Species at any event.

Ever find that diamond Billy Zane?

Ever catch Odette Annable in Banshee? You should.

Kathleen Robertson is a hidden treasure.

Perrey Reeves sparkled.

Oh Donna…Sarah Rafferty aka Donna Paulsen from Suits has the best walk in Hollywood.

The post In Search of Coffee and Art appeared first on Media Guy Struggles.

My decidedly New York-union commercial crew was mesmerized by a post that hit the grip’s Twitter account. “Cashman just told A-Rod he should just shut the fawk up on Twittaw. He’s a badass.”

From there it was wall-to-wall Noo Yawk Tawk, because after all, there are only two places where sports will stop a commercial shoot: Boston and New York.

Before you get all sideways and call your local Teamsters rep, let it be known that I am a decidedly union guy. My grandfather worked a union job for thirty plus years and I’ve never crossed a picket line; never will. That being said, I was super pissed because the only thing worse than an actor that can’t remember his lines is an unprofessional crew. Unprofessionalism turns art into soap opera.

I called for the mandatory break on the set and needed to break free so my head wouldn’t explode. Luckily Manhattan has just a few Starbucks close to filming. Now the only decision was to go to the shop on the southeast corner…or the one on the northwest corner…or the one, well you get my drift.

I opted for the fancy mom and pop shop three doors down mainly because the line wasn’t out the door. Still with a dozen people in front of me, I had some time to simmer down and wonder why my proofer Monica was always upset at me, craft a guide to coffee dating in my head, AND wonder where all of these fu-fu coffee orders were coming from. Here were the first three orders taken (give or take):

• Large café mocha, no sugar, no whip, extra dry please, with half skim and half whole milk, one pump hazelnut, extra hot.
• Medium caramel macchiato in a large double cup, triple whipped cream with three shots of espresso and three extra pumps of caramel.
• Small soy mocha, half iced, not blended with six pumps of vanilla, stirred not shaken. 

At that point I was screaming “shut the fawk up” in my head, but really unsure if I had just let those rude, yet truthful four words fly out of my grill. Please eat what’s left of my brain and take my order for six large regular coffees, Holy A-Rod I need a cell phone scrambler on my next New Yawk shoot! My mind slipped away as the poor girl struggled to get those orders right while openly mumbling about covering someone’s morning shift after staying up all night studying for her LSAT’s.

How many of us have been on coffee dates? How many of would have run if your speed date would have ordered one of those beauties. Yeah I know she’s cute, but the maintenance and upkeep may make yours look mighty easy. This is why they invented the Coffee Date. It’s essentially a reason to have an inexpensive 30 minute conversation with your crush buddy a midst the sweet aphrodisiac of coffee aromas. You don’t have to worry about deep convos or shaving your legs because this is not about s-e-x. It’s a quick assessment where you don’t have to worry about pickups, being too late or too early or deciding between the scampi appetizer or sharing a Caesar salad. And, just like reading the directions on the side of the shampoo bottle, do this:

Get the drink order. Order the drinks. Pay.

Then:

Sit. Drink. Talk. Flirt (level two and lower, only). Repeat.

Keep it short. When you hit your high note, say your goodbyes (like George Costanza):

Make sure you follow-up and plan a real date if you have any semblance of chemistry and your crush buddy is not a coffee snob.

Speaking of coffee snobs, the carnage in front of me continued…

• Large no-foam half-caf non-fat mocha soy latte. 
• Medium half-skinny half-one percent extra hot split quad shot latte with whip.
• Fill a large halfway with one hundred forty degree coffee; fill the rest with cold milk, sugar-free hazelnut syrup.

Yikes. This is some serious coffee drama. What does it all mean?

I remember a talk with author James Moore who surmised that coffee picks go past personal taste. He said that these mind-boggling complicated drinks reach a much deeper psychological level relating to self-esteem issues, stress and a “search for the comforts of childhood.” Here’s the breakdown on the sociology of coffee orders:

• Black coffee: The Minimalist. Likes things one-on-one. Competitive. The lone wolf who can mix in quite nicely when prompted.
• Espresso: The Leader. Instant indulgence for the moody whom has no time for gossip or low standards.
• Cappuccino: The Optimistic Extrovert. Appreciative of style and expensive gear. A starter, but not a finisher.
• Latte: The Passive Aggressive. The latte fan waters down their danger with bubbly foam and milk. Prefers cuddling to sex. Comfort over spontaneity.
• Instant coffee: The Under the Radar. No frills, straightforward and in no hurry to get things done. Unadventurous in career and sex.
• Decaf soymilk: The Narcissist. An eco-worrier with dab of fussiness and a heavy dose of ego.
• Non-coffee drinker: The Teatotaller. Someone who rejects the brown gold is said to have been frightened of life as a child.

Now up at the front, the poor barista was relieved to have my low maintenance order. She whispered “thanks” under her breath as she slipped me a gratis chocolate croissant on my way out which I polished off just in time to spring through the doors of the set where everyone was magically reinvigorated. The sports talk had died down and my actors had kissed and made up. [Yes, literally kissed and made up in their trailer – but that’s a story for another blog.] Filming resumed and things were on the right track.

All of the sudden Twittaw reared its ugly head: “Aaron Hernandez was just arrested!”

Aw fawk!

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The words resonate.

They resonate everytime I go to those networking things. You know the ones everyone says you have to hit because you have to network in a time where we type our social interaction instead of speak it.

Those words belong to Alec Baldwin’s super-duper salesman Blake character in Glengarry Glen Ross. He’s inspiring. Intense. Undeterring. He lets you know that coffee is for closers, only.

Always
Be
Closing

Those are the ABC’s of business. If you want to compete in this global world you have to ask for that order. Then demand it. I hate these networking things. A bunch of cliques where they circle the wagons effectively locking out the walk-up. One guy always camped at the iced shrimp. And then there’s the know-it-all who can’t be bothered by your trival conversation. Yet, you have to get out of the office to meet those new people. You gotta close!

Now I’m not a command-the-room-kind-of-guy. I’m definitely the get-to-know-you-kind-of-guy. I like to sit down with you and have a drink and bond with you in a beneath-the-surface conversation. Next thing you know we are doing this regularly, doing deals and having fun along the way. Relationships are so much better than networking, aren’t they?

But since you have to be out there you might as well do it right. These events are full of companies vying for users’ attention so you need to separate yourself from the competition. You can do this by creating a compelling headline for youself with a opening billboard that explains who you are and what you do without it being like trying to figure out E=MC2 or why Jim Caldwell looks like a coaching Avatar.

After you get the someone’s attention, keep it. This is where creating persuasive content comes into play. THEIRS, not yours. Listen to what they want and who they are. This is like a date and always that no matter how much they laughed at your jokes in the Monday morning recap meeting your date is more concern with their feelings. Paramount to everything is that they want to know you like THEM!

If you have someone’s attention, now you have to get your new best friend to take action. Map a plan right there. Set a meeting. Show up on time. Be intelligent. Make it simple. It should be a simple step to get someone to want to do business with you, no more. You have the answers they need. Show them. Find a way to get to the cigars.

So if you haven’t been following, remember coffee is for closers only and cigars are for the fun once you close.

Remember luck isn’t for closers and don’t forget to follow me on Twitter (twitter.com/MarketingVIP) and Facebook (facebook.com/MarketingVIP).

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