Christina Aguilera Archives - Media Guy Struggles

Taking Credit Where Credit is (Maybe) Not Deserved…

The Media Guy — Thu, 09 May 2013 20:24:00 +0000

Is it any wonder that Christina Aguilera’s Twitter followers went up 100k since the #jeffyandlola column hit two weeks ago?

Photo by: Michael Lloyd

The post Taking Credit Where Credit is (Maybe) Not Deserved… appeared first on Media Guy Struggles.

The Continuing Adventures of Lola and Jeffy

The Media Guy — Wed, 24 Apr 2013 02:14:00 +0000

By now many of you know the story of Jeffy and Lola, the would-be wedding crashers that found inner happiness by writing about the beauty around them and sending the media kisses with positive energy. For me, the Media Guy aka Jeffy, I found the popularity (of what will now be known as) Part One of this blog series, to be incredible.

When Part One was posted on June 30, 2011, little did I know that it would produce 62,000 page views – think about that – 62,000 hits for two friends talking about New York and Los Angeles. It still sits in the Top 10 of all time pages views for my humble blog. Nearly two years later, it was time to catch up with Loni Albert aka Lola, the reigning queen of the national beauty scene.

Cosmo Beauty Editor Loni Albert

MEDIA GUY: “Coffee-drinking, lipstick-wearing, punk-rockin’, retro-obsessed, Marilyn-loving, NYC girl.”

That’s a heck of a tagline. One fitting of a young rock star editor of Cosmopolitan magazine. I just went online and looked at your lush online mag, so tell me, do you hang out with the editors who get to research: Sex Moves He Doesn’t Want or Sex Positions?

LONI ALBERT: Haha yes!! And while I hate to shatter your dreams, the content is exactly what you said, “research” just like with a diet or beauty article. Tips come from experts, studies, surveys, etc. The office is definitely filled with fun, fearless Cosmo girls, but that doesn’t mean that we’re all testing out the Kama Sutra during lunch breaks and meetings!

MG: You said “doesn’t mean that we’re all testing out the Kama Sutra during lunch breaks and meetings!” … does that mean that SOME of you are testing out the Kama Sutra at lunch?

LA: Hey, I can’t speak for everyone! But since the office is 90% women and 10% guys who aren’t into girls, I’m going to guess no.

MG: Regardless of who the 90% are and what they are doing at lunch, Cosmo online just added the “Cosmo Kama Sutra: Bad Girl Edition: with THIS caption: “Cosmo is to sex positions what Apple is to the iPhone—when we release a new version, it comes with some pretty awesome features. In this case, very naughty ones.” Oh my. It just got warm in here. Anything to add here on the beauty and aesthetics side?

LA: [Laughs] I tend to find some of these really ambitious! But from a beauty POV, if you’re going to be swinging from the chandelier or trying the backwards mermaid, I recommend girls prep with waterproof eyeliner and mascara and humidity-blocking hair products to keep you looking like a hottie (not a hot mess). There are also motion activating deodorants that release the good-smelling stuff as you get busy. Stock up on those too!

MG: You must be excited about your new weekly radio show with Cosmo’s Beauty Director (aka LW) on Cosmo SiriusXM Radio? (Channel 109 every Thursday at 11.) What’s that going to be like?

LA: So stoked, Jeffy! It’s so much fun. We had our first one last week and its pretty much just girl talk 2.0. We have guests on (all beauty-related of course since that’s my beat) and BS for an hour about enthralling areas of life such as: whether or not having a straight male hairstylist do your hair before a date is like foreplay, and also the importance of an Ego BJ.

MG: Uhhhhhhhh, what’s an Ego BJ, Lola? We’ve never heard of those in Hollywood; would Marilyn have to participate in Ego BJs?

Still getting Ego BJs.

LA: Marilyn would GET ego BJs all day long. In super boring terms, it’s a compliment. The kind that makes you feel amazing like you can take on anything! For example: I hate to give an ego BJ, but your blog is pretty genius, Jeffy.

MG: Ok, of these stars, who definitely has to GIVE Ego BJs and who definitely RECEIVES Ego BJs:

a) Jennifer Lawrence
b) Seal
c) Tyra Banks
d) Christina Hendricks
e) Brad Pitt

LA: I think they’ve all had to give to get to the point where they’d get. Does that make sense? Except Tyra, who seems capable of ego-blowing herself. I love T Banks, and she is certainly one if the most beautiful women out there, but she just talks about herself for hours! Have you seen ANTM?!

MG: You know, the term “BJ” has never made its way into The Media Guy’s blog. Am I being too tame?

LA: Nooo, you’re being a gentleman! A lost art that I am a huge fan of! And to be clear, wearing a suit and sipping old fashions Draper-style does not a gentleman make. Swoon-worthy as Jon Hamm may be, the Mad Men are the worst kind of players.

MG: What does it take to be a Cosmo Girl? Are there Cosmo Guys? I feel like Cosmo could unleash all that ills human relationships…

LA: Cosmo Girls are Fun and Fearless! That’s the tag line. But to me, a Cosmo Girl is a woman who is trying to figure it all out–love, life, family, work–and have as much fun as possible along the way. There are def Cosmo guys! We recently had a two man band called TimeFlies come in the office. They’re in their early 20s and were discovered on YouTube. The whole time they performed for us I was thinking that they were sooo Cosmo.

MG: What’s the latest beauty trends?

LA: The Karlie Kloss haircut, crazy nail art, dewy skin, and lived-in looking walk of shame hair and makeup (think Kate Moss rolling out of Johnny Depp’s bed in the 90s and rocking last night’s eyeliner for an extra day or two.)

MG: Trust me, I have imagined Kate doing just that; except Johnny was not there. Of course I was. Anyway, how embarrassing…who is Karlie Kloss and why does she have her own haircut?

LA: Google her dude. Big time model for VS and everything else. She is so out of control hot (to the point that a nude photo of her sent me into a fat day-meltdown). Recently she snipped off her locks and girls everywhere are lining up to copy the look (including Demi Lovato, Jennifer Lawrence, and Cosmo editors).

MG: Recently you told us to “ditch the tanning salon and learn to define beauty on [your] own terms.” Do you find that many people are still slaves to beauty on other people’s terms? Isn’t everyone beautiful in their own way [shhhh! I’m channeling my inner Christina Aguilera]? Is New York obsessed with beauty like LA is?

We all miss her Dirty Days.

LA: Oh X-Tina. I miss her Dirty Days. Did you know she was born in Staten Island?! NYC is totes obsessed with beauty, are you kidding?! This is where Fashion Week takes place, where the best salons in the world are located, and where most of the shoots you admire in mags are shot. I’d say NYC is equally as beauty-crazy as LA. People feel pressure to be slaves to trends everywhere, and sometimes they do it because they just like it! Like ombré hair (hair that starts dark at the root and gradually lightens to blonde at the tips). Girls see it in mags and on their fave celebs, love how it looks and try it out. I’m not against that, I just personally prefer having something that feels like it has my stamp to it. A little less one size fits all.

MG: Can guys take your advice too?

LA: Guys should definitely find a way to create their own look! Maybe you’re the guy who always rocks a bit of sexy scruff? Or has a kick-ass sneaker collection that you mix and match with dressier looks? Make it you!

MG: Do you do your own photo shoots are just do a “Don Draper” and tell them to bring you back a winner?

LA: Swoon! I heart Don. But not his adulterous tendencies. Some shoots I’m on set, others my boss goes to. It’s usually just a logistical thing.

MG: What is so 2012?

LA: Feathered hair attachments, donut buns, matte nails, calling pregnant celebs fat (that was/is never cool).

MG: What’s next for Lola?

LA: Getting hitched! We’re doing it up next summer. Can’t wait!

MG: Besides defining our own beauty, what’s the single most important thing we should know/do/think about our public beauty?

LA: Stop competing with others, just love and accept yourself. It’s a lesson I struggle with everyday, but if you’re trying to win a fictional beauty contest, you’re gonna lose. Even that bombshell strutting down the block has something about herself she’d love to tweak, and probably sees something in you she wishes she had. Make the best with what you’ve got (lipstick and heels can solve anything, in convinced) and then flaunt your hotness for the world to admire. You too Jeffy (minus the lips and heels…unless you’re into that now? No judgments.)

MG: [Smiles] Well, you promised you would not tell anyone about my lipstick diaries [sigh]…poor me.

LA: I adore you and miss you and hope to see your sexiness soon. Oh, and follow me on Twitter and Instagram @lonialbert.

Showing Fergie how to be glam

With the Zombie Boy

The post The Continuing Adventures of Lola and Jeffy appeared first on Media Guy Struggles.

The Media Guy Grabs His Sack

The Media Guy — Fri, 01 Feb 2013 04:02:00 +0000

The Media Guy grabs his sack of mail…Well, I resisted and resisted; but no longer. The mailbox is full and
alas, people need answers. So, without fanfare, here are genuine emails from my
irreverent readers.

Q: My wife and I spent the last three weeks trying to figure out which
airline you flew that would only have one passenger in business class and not
upgrade the rest of economy so the meals wouldn’t go to waste. I observed that Daniella,
dressed in that green scarf, looked like a career runway model that could still
bring the heat. After much discussion, we created a game: Most Probable
Professions for Flight Girl Daniella if She Hadn’t Become a Flight Attendant.
After discussing some possibilities (most likely: Heather Locklear’s
advertising executive nemesis in the third reboot of Melrose Place), we decided
on “First Grade Teacher.” Our minds went wild at the thought of FG
Daniella bitching and moaning about not getting paid for parent conferences
before 8:00 A.M. because she doesn’t get paid before the first bell and her
classroom doors are still open, then berating the class about the time it takes
her to pour milk at snack time. But dear God, FG Daniella gets the ultimate
pass because as my wife, the librarian, said “I bet she’s up for kissing me.”

—Jay M., Las Vegas, NV

Adam Ant’s Librarian

MG: Do you have any idea how many sleepless nights that Jay M. from Sin
City caused me? Too many, that’s how many. Why? Because I just spent the last three
days imagining the Adam Ant librarian aka Jay’s wife and Daniella locking lips
in business class. Then, I imagined her and Heather Locklear in a
typical Melrose catfight. However you slice it, I’m bringing this to my agent
next week for script development.

Q: I really can’t explain why J.C. Penney decided to go with Ron Johnson
as their CEO, robbing America of the almighty orgasmic pleasures of the Super
Sunday Sales. It’s almost as if he were a plant from Penney’s competitors
designed to bring down the retail giant. Half the fun of shopping there was
rolling out with 22 coupons and mixing and matching them just to “save” $31
dollars. How did he go this long without being on Retail Magazine’s most hated
list? They need to bring back the coupons and the sales. This must be on your
to-do list in your first month as the Ambassador of Sanity for J.C. Penney’s
corporate headquarters.

—Salma Q., Torrance, CA

MG: Although Penney’s hasn’t bothered to pick up the phone yet, I think
you hit on something because Corporate Ambassador of Sanity sounds like a
fantastic consulting road show. I could cruise from city to city, company to
company listening to their brilliant marketing and media ideas for 2013 and
2014. Have you seen some of the bright ideas that flew past us during the last
twelve months? The London Olympic Games logo? Quiznos’ disfigured, singing
rodents campaign? Sony’s synergy campaign? Sprint featuring CEO Dan Hesse in
their TV ads? All of these companies need an Ambassador of Sanity. Yeah, I’m
getting excited already.

Q: I’m wondering how Chris Brown keeps getting chance after chance with
a suddenly forgiving media who is dying to give him a pass for beating on
Rihanna and women in general with his insane actions. Is it because she’s a
party animal that can’t seem to get out of her own way socially or is there
really something redeeming?

—Samantha J., Kansas City, MO

MG: First and foremost, everyone simply loves a train wreck. Chris
Brown certainly qualifies for that. He also certainly meets rule #2 in the
Media Guy Mandates for a Great Story: HARM. Harm includes violence, damage,
dying, scandals and blood/guts. Perhaps the real reason rests in the Fear
Factor rule whereby the media is afraid a Chris-Brown-type will show up at
their front door to pick up one of their daughters for a nice evening on the
town. This is where you already want to know what a maniac-in-sheep’s-clothing
looks like while he’s promising to get her home well before curfew. Experience
means everything!

Q: There’s no more underestimated story line in 2013 than
hypersensitivity. Coca-Cola is racist. Ikea is has (trans)gender issues. Just a
little while back we were patting ourselves on the back about racial and gender
equality and everyone getting along. Everyone thought political incorrectness
was washed up, but all of the sudden it made a comeback and the media has been
all over it. Are we desperate for stories or should we be worried?

—Jordan Smith, Kansas City

MG: Holy mackerel, I didn’t realize how many groups were in an uproar
about the media game already in 2013. The IKEA ad features a Thai man and his
girlfriend shopping. But when she sees pillows sale and get excited, her
decidedly female voice goes soprano on us sending her shocked boyfriend off
running. The ad has riled a Thai transgender group, who calls the ad
“negative and stereotypical” and sprinkled in “a gross violation
of human rights” for good measure. A Thai transgender group seems pretty
niche in the grand scheme of things but then again, I missed sensitivity
training for this particular segment of the population which mosts likely
totals 0.0000001% of the world’s population.

The new Coca-Cola Super Bowl ad has angered Arab-Americans because it
features an Arab leading a camel caravan through the desert.

Warren David, president of the American-Arab Anti-Discrimination
Committee, says “Why is it that Arabs are always shown as either oil-rich
sheiks, terrorists or belly dancers?” Coke says the ad characters are a
“nod to movies of the past.”

My take?

I’ve worked with David in the past and
he is right, because the shepherds leading the caravans look something like this:

True story: I took these pictures in Oman a few years back. The shepherd
in the truck was angrier than those lecturing Coca-Cola about their perceived racism. Why? Because I drove in
between his line of camels and messed up their forward progression. Later, we
burned some Frankincense at the Salalah Hilton and all was better. Perhaps Coke should call me to be the shepherd actor next time.

So what’s the lesson to be learned? Better focus test your commercial
to the groups you are showcasing in your ads because you want their stamp of
approval before the fit hits the shan. Then again, perhaps all of the extra
publicity Coke and IKEA are getting from these spots is worth the hassle to
offend underserved ethnic and gender groups. All I know if that this meets rule
#3 in the Media Guy Mandates for a Great Story: CONTROVERSY. Where there’s
controversy, there’s a reporter looking to file a last minute news story. When
you can dream up a controversy, you can virtually guarantee some juicy buzz in
the media.

Twinkies: Yippie-keye-ay!

Q: Not since Reginald VelJohnson rattled off Twinkies’ to John McClane in
Die Hard [sugar-enriched flour, partially hydrogenated vegetable
oil…polysorbate 60… and yellow dye number five] have I longed for a late
night tastes of the golden crème-filled cakes. Will they ever grace the shelves
at Winn-Dixie again?

—Emily-Mae L., Auburn, AL

Q: Sometimes I wake up in a cold
sweat with Ghostbusters’ Dr. Egon Spengler explaining the enormity of the threat facing
New York: “Let’s say this Twinkie represents the normal amount of
psycho-kinetic energy in the New York area; according to this morning’s sample,
it would be a Twinkie 35 feet long weighing approximately 600 pounds”…
What would this analogy be without the mighty Twinkie? Sign my petition to
bring them back.

—Robert H., Anaheim, CA

How about that 600 pounder?

Q: I feel like Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, searching for the last
Twinkie on Earth. I guess they did have an expiration date. Help!

—Brenda J., Istanbul, Turkey

MG: Never fear, Hostess has let the robber barons into their bakery nest.
Hostess has picked a joint offer from two investment firms — Metropoulos &
Co. and Apollo Global Management LLC — as the lead bid to bring back the
Twinkies and its other snack cakes in a $410 million bid. According to MSN
Money, Twinkies pulled in about $76.2 million, Hostess Donuts brought in $384.6
million and CupCakes brought in $138.1 million during Hostess’s final year.
That’s a lot of calories. Speaking of which…

Q: Nice feature on Ray Lewis right before my Ravens made Tom Brady look
like a deer in the headlights a couple of Sundays ago. Are you taking the Ravens
in the Super Bowl?

—Joe J., Las Vegas

Q: I suppose you’ll be in Florida this Sunday covering the Super Bowl,
right braggard?

—Phillip O., Cleveland, OH

Q: No blogs on the 2013 Oscars, eh? Did they ban you for your
debauchery at the after parties?

—Sandra, K.., Toronto

MG: I am betting on Ray, but not the Ravens on Sunday. There’s a Las
Vegas proposition bet where you pick who has more: Ray Lewis tackles or Kobe
Bryant assists on Super Bowl Sunday. I’m going with Lewis tackles, but the
49ers prevailing 34-19. As far as going to the Super Bowl, I am a no show. I
didn’t even apply for credentials. I’ll be at home analyzing the new ads. I am
unsure whether to tweet about them (Media Guy Twitter handle = @marketingvip)
in real time though. One thing I hope to never miss is the Oscars. I’ll be
there on the red carpet for the second year in a row and blog about it then.
Hopefully, I’ll be stealth enough to bypass security and have a talk with
Angelina Jolie about this screenplay I wrote that is perfect for her (hint,
hint Ms. Jolie).

Q: I read somewhere that sex lasts only about five minutes on average
and burns only 20 calories. Why doesn’t that get more press?

—Dianne R., Toluca Lake, CA

MG: Reminds me of being seventeen all over again. Did your survey
mention the age parameters? The regions of the country or world the data was
pulled from? Male vs. Females? These are important factors in the potential
decline of sexuality in the States. I did find a reference to a 1984 survey with similar stats. I’m hoping things have improved for the women of the world. Which
reminds me that we don’t cover sex enough in The Media Guy Struggles. Why? I’m
not sure since SEX meets rule #6 in the Media Guy Mandates for a Great Story.
Note to self: more sex. (And who can argue with that?)

Q: Did the CEO of Taco Bell call you yet? Is that why their strategy is
giving free churros? Maybe you should call him.

—Nala Z., Ft. Myers, FL

MG: Who can argue with the new spots? The ad made its debut on YouTube a
few days ago and has over 200,000 views with the January 18^th teaser
being watched 500,000 plus times. CEO Greg Creed seemed to be riding high with Cantina
Bell, the new Taco Bell “Live Mas” tagline and the Spanish version of “We Are
Young”. That being said, I still think Mr. Creed should ring my phone.

Q: Beyoncé lip synced? Good or bad for the brand?

—Simon S., Winston-Salem, NC

MG: Nothing can derail the Mrs. Jay-Z train. She’s unstoppable and
there is no reason this should have been a continuing story because besides
having the kind of generational beauty that most of us can only wish for, there
is one thing she can do without question and that’s sing circles around anyone.
Whitney lip synced at the Super Bowl and her rendition hit #1 on the charts
soon thereafter. Beyoncé is much bigger that Whitney ever was.

Q: What are you going to do with “The Voice” now that Christina
Aguilera has been replaced with Shakira?

—Jon M., Oklahoma City, OK

MG: I deleted my Season Pass on The Dish.

Q: Do you think Christina Aguilera caused Hillary Clinton to pass out?

—Josephine P., Kuala Lampur

MG: Very much a possibility.

Q: Any truth that our favorite diva Miss Aguilera stepped aside to
spend time with the Media Guy?

—Stephanie C., Manchester, England

MG: Uh, no comment.

Q: There were two typos when you initially posted your last column. Who’s
proofing your columns.

—Nadia W., Tucson, AZ

MG: Sorry, Monica is on vacation.

Q: You nailed it in your Valentine’s Day column, it’s ruining the
office. Any more tips to help out here?

—Marc W., Wichita, KS

MG: I reached back to Ernest Quansah who told me that the brain’s
feel-good “love” chemical – oxytocine – usually increases when women are
presented with novel activities, beyond those established and preferred
routines. He says to abandon old traditions and do something to sweep her off
her feet with these five steps:

Before the big day, drive her wild with anticipation by telling her
that you have the most amazing surprise for her. This promise will keep her
guessing and make her think about your evening.
Know her favorite flowers. If you don’t, don’t panic. You can find
out by making a comment, like “I’ve noticed plants blooming early this year …”
and steer the conversation from there. In a beautiful vase, arrange an exotic
bouquet and hide it somewhere in your home on the special day. She’ll like that
you created the presentation.
Go to your local chocolate shop and select her favorite kinds of
chocolate. Have it boxed and nicely wrapped to prevent her from knowing what it
is when you present the chocolates to her.
Create a dish and name it after her. For example, if her name is
Anne, you might call the dish “Tournedos Princess Anne.” This step is the most
important. I can assure you that after having spent time in some top-notch
restaurants, food that is named after a person is a special honor. We all know
how women love it when their men do the cooking. What I do is cut and precook
the vegetables, and I even make the sauce beforehand to make sure I get it as
perfect as I can. Leave everything in the fridge. Then, on Valentine’s Day, I
set the table before I start the cooking part. On both plates, place a fresh
RED ROSE. The single rose is just part of making her think that that is all the
flowers she will be getting (but we know differently). When she gets home, make
sure to get her to promise you that she’ll stay out of the kitchen. Tell her
not to spoil the surprise!
When everything is ready, plate the food, cover it and take it to
the dining table, and then ask her to come and sit. Before you uncover the lid,
have her close her eyes. Retrieve the hidden bouquet, place the flowers on the
table, and ask her to open her eyes. Pay attention to how she responds. Tell
her what you’ve named the dish. But that’s not all – after the meal, take her
by the hand, walk her to the living room and sit her down. Bring out the boxed
chocolate, go on one knee and tell her, “This is for you,” or, “You make me
feel whole,” or, “You are the most beautiful woman in the world and I love
you.”

Remember, you don’t have to know why this works…only that it does
work.

Q: The Bachelor – how do you see Sean navigating the insane women he
has on his hands?

—Kimberly G., Dallas

MG: There are some crazies this season. Poor Sean. I promise a separate
column next week with a recap and my vision to how it all plays out.

Q: I think we all know your love of Angelina Jolie – of course in a
non-stalker, yet borderline stalkerish way – but seriously, do you need help
distracting Brad Pitt while you try to talk her up at the Oscars? My bestie is
a dead ringer for Jennifer Aniston and has a similar crush on Mr. Moneyball.
Any affinity to forming a partnership to get what you both want? You can email
me at any time.

—Brooke Y., West Hollywood, CA

MG: Yes Virginia…these are the reader friends of the Media Guy Struggles.

The post The Media Guy Grabs His Sack appeared first on Media Guy Struggles.

Los Angeles vs. New York with Cosmo’s Associate Beauty Editor

The Media Guy — Thu, 30 Jun 2011 17:56:00 +0000

As a lifelong Angeleno it’s difficult to always connect with the passive aggressive (and sometimes just plain aggressive) attitude of my New York counterparts. For them, they are more virtuous, better informed and, well, they reside at the center of the universe. Shoot, even most of the international flights are gatewayed through their Kennedy Airport.

My esteemed colleague and friend, Loni Albert, associate beauty editor at Cosmopolitan, is a New Yawker in every sense of the word. Always on the go, cheerfully intense, always in a hurry, and a true friend when the chips are down.

From the minute we met on a press junket in Mexico we mapped plans to crash weddings (complete with new names – Lola for her and Jefferson aka Jeffy for me) and argued the merits of Los Angeles vs. New York.

So with upcoming cross-promotions on the horizon for the Media Guy, I decided to dig in with Lola, er Loni, and make sure I understand the nuances of a city that has over twice as many people as my beloved City of Angels.

———

MEDIA GUY: If you were re-branding New York Tourism, how would you lure us smart Angelinos to the Big Apple?

LONI ALBERT: Angelinos should come hang in NY because it’s so REAL. I love love love LA, but it feels like one giant movie set. That may be fun and glamorous and “comfortable” — I get it. But sometimes you need more than that. NY is raw and random and diverse. Maybe all the ugliness makes the small glimpses of beauty that much more beautiful.

MG: I’m told that LA people are soft. I’ve “earned” the nickname of LA Mike, you know. Do you think you could teach LA Mike to survive in New York City? How tough do you have to be to live in New York, Lola?

LA: LA Mike aka Jeffy, I am confident that you would get along swimmingly in New York. It’s not so much that you have to be tough as in “I’ll kick everyone’s ass!”, more so resilient and able to tolerate less than pleasant situations.

For example, getting extremely up close and personal with a bajillion strangers on a jam-packed subway car during rush hour in August with no air conditioning and delays because of “train traffic ahead”.

I don’t think you guys are soft. I think you are smart! Why live in an over-crowded, over-priced, dirty, smelly city where the gloomy, grey buildings are so high that the sun can’t even shine down on you? Probably because of the pizza. It’s pretty damn good.

MG: I have to admit that it was rather comfortable last weekend poolside – 75 degrees – sipping on a freshly-blended margarita. Does that sound soft to you? I was thinking that in about four months that the power would be out on the East Coast as you shovel out from the 10 inches of snow. How do you deal with snow and the anger it produces? LA: Aside from a few days a year, the snow has never really stopped me from going to school, work, dinner with friends, etc. You just learn to deal. There are sucky things like being stuck on the bus for a few hours because the roads are scary and covered in ice, but it’s also kind of sexy to spend a snow day inside with your significant other with nothing else to do but…..stay warm

MG: How is New York the media capital of the universe with all of the shutdowns?

LA: What shut downs do you speak of? There really haven’t been many. Part of our “tough”-ness is that the city is pretty much prepared for anything and everything and not much stops us. It’s the freaking city that never sleeps. Ready to roll 24/7.

Speaking of which, that’s a HUGE point for NY. When I was last in LA, we were dying to find a place to grab a bite after hours and everything was closing and kicking us out or already closed. Here, you can eat/drink/dance/get tattooed/cash a check/and catch a train or bus literally all night long. I know from experience. Leave the office (which for me is down the block from Times Square) after midnight (yes, it happens) and the streets are still occupied and there is life. Some of it may be sketchy but..whatev.

MG: “Eat/drink/dance/get tattooed/cash a check/and catch a train or bus literally all night long”…? New York is sounding like a huge movie set now. READ: The Hangover.

LA: Eat/drink/dance/tattoo/cash a check didn’t all happen in the same day. Jeez. What kinda character do you take me for? It was in two days. Haha. NY is a great movie set! Because there’s real stories and adventures happening here everyday, not a produced one starring a fake tanned babe with a silicone rack and a stylist. Show me some scars. And not those left by a plastic surgeon.

MG: What’s a bus? Is that public transportation? What is that? No one walks in LA., you know…

LA: A bus: a large vehicle that occasionally runs over bike messengers (I’ve witnessed this), often breaks down (but only when you’re late to work and it’s raining), who’s driver usually makes double your salary and is part of a union that will defend his employment to the end — even after he’s run over a handful of bike messengers.

I actually love that you can walk anywhere in NY. I recently called you while I walked from midtown to the ferry (a two hour walk) and passed so many different and cool neighborhoods along the way. Who needs LA’s redonkulous valet charges everywhere?

MG: Tell me more about spending sexy snow days. In L.A., the pretty people do Naked Sundays (a staple in the Christina Aguilera pre-divorce household). Speaking of her, did you see the picture she held up when accepting her star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame – just kidding but a Media Guy can dream.

A boy can dream.

LA: Naked any day is always a good idea. West Coast, East Coast, wherever. You don’t need L.A. sunshine for that

On the snow days: I’m just saying that there’s sexiness to having seasons. From a gooey, girly perspective, it’s romantic to watch the season’s change with someone. Shows that you’ve been through something together. Marks the time more than just appointments you marked into your Blackberry calendar on another Sunny Tuesday.

Christina Aguilera can do whatever she wants because she is a God damned diva if ever there was one.

MG: What about your career? The beauty editor of Cosmopolitan at 24? No one believes me that I know such a brilliant writer.

LA: (a) I’m not 24 anymore, that was two years ago when we met! I’m a grandma now at 26!, and (b) my title at Cosmo is Associate Beauty Editor, but I’m thrilled nonetheless!

I don’t know if I’m brilliant (but I’ll take it!). I’m passionate and I think that genuine hard work and passion can really take you far and make you stand out in a sea of over privileged trust fund brats who knew the right people. And I’m not bitter of those kids, honestly. However you get to the top (hard work, family connections, sex tape) is all fair game, even when it isn’t fair. That’s the real American dream. Get there, however you gotta.

MG: Is it really like Sex and the City?

LA: It’s a lot like Sex and The City except I don’t wear $900 shoes, sleep with every waiter at every restaurant, and rarely take cabs. Okay, it’s not like Sex and The City at all. But I do drink Cosmos

Sometimes I run in the park. Sometimes I see my family in Staten Island. Sometimes I have hot dates with the boy (which could be a fancy dinner date, or making to go cocktails and drinking them while we walk over the Brooklyn Bridge. Sometimes I have drinks with my girlfriends (who are mostly publicists and other writers). Sometimes I have cool industry events where I rub elbows with celebs and models and beautiful people.

MG: NAMES! NAMES! We need names…

LA: Not to be a name dropper, but……Heidi Klum, Jessica Alba, Victoria‘s Secret Angels, John Mayer, Beyonce, Leighton Meester, Vera Wang, Michael Kors, ummmm there’s way more but I’m drawing a blank.

MG: What kind of donut are you?

LA: Donuts! I would have to be pink frosted. Girly and sweet. Although my dude recently pointed out that was Homer Simpson’s fave which makes me reconsider.

One pink beauty…hold the Simpson!

MG: Lola…what do you recommend for anyone crashing a wedding in Vegas?

LA: Excellent question. A few things:

Act like you own the joint. Walk around like you know where you’re going and you’re supposed to be there. I do this always and manage to a. blend in to really fancy events that I am definitely NOT cool enough to be at but somehow fooled the right people and got invited to and b. get past security at hospitals, red carpet events, and college dorms (I used to enjoy pretending I was a “lost freshman.” Don’t ask).

Start convos with: Are you bride’s side or groom’s? So easy. You are obviously the opposite. And a date…of a distant cousin. When in doubt, just act drunk. Oh man, how did I end up here? Last thing I remember is kicking the dealer’s ass at Poker!

MG: Final point on L.A. being “one giant movie set” – do you want a role in the new movie I am writing.

LA: I would be honored to be in your movie — duh!

(L to R: Lola’s buddy Britt, Loni, and Heidi Klum)

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