Note: Part I can be found here.

Part II.

I’m back from the holiday break and what did we learn (or were reminded of) between the trading freeze and today?

• Drew Doughty is an All Star.
• The Kings have fantastic goaltending and goalie coaches.
• Willie D. has no idea how to build team chemistry.
• The players have goal songs. 
• Jack Hughes is still in play!

While I was touring Kontinental Hockey League country (column coming next week), my inbox was filling up from those of you who had their own bad fan experiences. So before I get to the worst 10 fans of all time, here are the top email selections from you, the readers:

• Shirt off guy. Sometimes in the upper upper 300s.
• The visiting fan entourage who starts chanting their hometown chant.*
• The guy who gets ice cream all over himself and doesn’t realize it.
• Sharks Fans who call Kings Fans “bandwagoners.”
• The Creepy Dance Cam Guy.
• The guy who thinks he’s a hockey scout.
• The former college player.
• The guy sitting 600 feet from the ice who screams at the refs and actually thinks they can hear him over 100 db of Bon Jovi and crowd noise.

* – The only time this actually works is the Freeway Series where Kings fans invade the Honda Center. The “Go Kings Go” is two to three times louder than “Let’s Go Ducks.” Ducks fans may actually be the worst in all of sports. But that’s another column altogether.

And, now on with the countdown…

10. Too Many Beers Guy

Here are the warning signs:

A.) He’s typically a college freshman who hasn’t really figured out the whole drinking thing yet;
B.) He’s usually the shortest guy in his group;
C.) Every TV timeout, he hops up for another round;
D.) He almost always returns to his seat carrying two beers and spilling them all over the place;
E.) He enters a glazed stupor by the second intermission.

9. The Puck Father

You know this guy. He’s near the team benches — near the spot where the junior equipment folks throw out the pucks before the players emerge for warmups — practically pleading for pucks and holding his kid up in the air like a hostage.

8. Check-in Guy

Check-in Guy brings his kid to the game and feels the need to call home during every period to check in with his wife. The first call usually unfolds in a sequence like this:

”Hey honey, it’s me…” (Translation: I just wanted to thank you for letting me come to the game.) 

”I can barely hear you!” (Indeed, it’s tough to hear when you’re sitting in an arena with 17,000 other people.) 

”We’re at the game!” (Always said with an inflection, as if it’s an amazing feat to be able to call someone from a hockey game.) 

”It’s great!” (He wouldn’t know if the game’s good or not, because he just sat down and couldn’t allow a few minutes to pass without calling.) 

”Uh-huh, yeah he’s right here.” (It’s important for the wife to know that her husband didn’t lose their child.) 

”I’ll let you talk to him…” (To prove it.)

Every subsequent call pretty much sounds the same. On the bright side, this guy also leaves early because it’s a school night.

7. Stoned Aggressive Guy

He’s a distant cousin to the Too Many Beers Guy. These guys are prepared to offend everyone within earshot of their seats. They’ll catcall your girlfriend, daughter, or sister. They’ll drop random F-bombs. They’ll spill beer on you. They’ll use their middle finger until it hurts. Usually you can spot the SAGs right away, sometimes even before the game starts.

6. Instagram Mom

The first of two callouts to the ladies in my top ten goes to the Instagram Mom. She’s the mom who suddenly decides that she needs to get a picture of her family during the middle of a period so she can post it real time on Instagram. Bonus points are earned here if she’s oblivious enough to ask somebody else in the section to take the picture.

Photo by Jonathan Kozub/NHLI via Getty Images

5. The Obnoxious Guy Rooting for the Visitors

Look, most of us have cheered our home team in an enemy arena; however, there’s a huge disparity between supporting the visitors and provoking the home fans, amirite? The Obnoxious Guy usually wears some form of opposing paraphernalia (usually a sweater, sometimes a hat), shouts out unintelligent nicknames for his players, claps his hands repulsively, curses and flashes his middle finger towards the ice, and does everything imaginable to exasperate people in his section. He blossoms when he does it.

4. Flirty Fans

Hockey has a spectacle where some women make “Marry Me” or double-entendre signs directed at players and stand at the glass during warmups, garnering a lot of attention on social media these days. You see that a lot on the Eastern time zones, not so much in the West.

3. Work Buddies

Listen, going with work buddies is excellent team building and camaraderie. But pick your seatmates wisely because three out of five of your work buddies have no interest in the game and we all suffer. They’re sitting in the company seats. Sometimes wearing suits or a blazer over jeans. They’re nursing a single beer over two periods. They’re discussing work-related projects. They still think Canadians say “Eh?” every two seconds. They’re not afraid to tell a story from that other hockey game they went to eight years ago and they definitely plan on leaving before the end of the game to “beat the traffic.”

As an added punch in the stomach, they usually have great seats. The world just isn’t fair. Don’t confuse this guy with Game Date Guy. Game Date Guy brings his budding relationship to her first hockey game and tries to show her why hockey is the greatest game on earth. That guy is just plain awesome.

2. Cotton Candy Guy

This is the guy who orders something from a strolling vendor during a critical penalty kill. He doesn’t just order, he stands up to take his wallet out and decides if it’s going to be a twenty or a ten he is going to pay with. He remains standing, unaware, until someone gives him the “DOWN IN FRONT!” and forces him into the half-standing, half-crouch position. Goodness gracious, sakes alive, I hate this guy.

Odd Fact #1: This guy is always firmly planted in the middle of a row, which means everyone needs to pass both the cash and the purchased item back and forth. If you want everyone in your section to hate you with every fiber of their being, start here.

Odd Fact #2: Cotton Candy Guy usually pulls double duty as Check-in Guy. If you ever notice Check-in Guy at the start of a game, buckle up for the vendor/wallet fiasco at some point. Trust me here.

1. Cell Phone Guy

The guy sitting on the glass right behind the goal who talks excitedly on his cell phone and executes those “Hey, look at me!” waves during every scrum behind the net. Cell phones at the game is the worst phenomenon of the technology century, especially the dude who wants to showcase what he can do to disrupt the game experience from his $750 seat.

That wraps up the top ten. I am sure I missed some, so feel free to write in with your own. In the countdown world, I think I’m supposed to quote the immortal Casey Kasem and remind you to “Keep your feet on the ground and keep reaching for the stars.”

The post The Worst Fans in Hockey—10 through 1 appeared first on Media Guy Struggles.

Number 14 – Big Hat Guy (c) Dan Hamilton-USA TODAY Sports

It’s time for a break from criticizing the Kings, so I turn my gaze on some fans instead.

I started this column a few weeks back by previewing and revealing the Number Five Worst Hockey Fan: Obnoxious Loud Guy. Today, I look at the worst fans, numbers 20 through 11. Full disclosure, I’ve probably morphed through being some of these guys in my 45 years watching puck all over North America. I’m on version 4.0 of myself. It’s a better place.

Now, on with the countdown…

Oh wait. Before I get to the worst 20, I’d be remiss not to cover the Honorable Mentions:

• The guy who gets his kid a souvenir stick before the game and lets them spend the entire game banging it against the back of your seat. (Bonus points when they whack you in the back of the head once or twice.)
• Foul-mouthed dude in the middle of a section filled with kids.
• Dude wearing a sweater with his own name on the back.
• Guy sitting in the first two rows who stands when there’s a fight so he can see better and instead blocks your view.
• Guy on the glass who bangs the glass during that same fight.
• Dude who challenges players in the penalty box.
• Without further ado, here’s the first installment of my worst fans in hockey countdown.

20. Restless Leg Couple

The couple ten seats into a row who leave and come back repeatedly, each period, every period, and then struggles with their footing as they inch by with drinks without lids.

19. Dude Who Sits in Your Seat / The Guy Who Is in the Right Seat and Row, But Wrong Section

You know the guy who sneaks down into your seat when he sees a patch of empties. He’s made himself comfortable — even brought his food with him and/or left his empty wrappers in your foot space. Arenas use assigned seating and have ushers for a reason. This guy should be ranked higher but the pain typically only lasts for a second.

18. Jealous Dude

This is the guy who thinks the entire stadium is looking at his girlfriend. Jealous Dude does not want you looking at her. And no matter what happens, even if you’re clearly not looking at her, he’s still glancing around with one of those Robert DeNiro Looks from Taxi Driver all over his face.

17. Back of Bench Dude

The guy sitting near the opposing team bench who yells insults, usually unfunny ones, at every player on the bench. This guy is polite in every aspect of his life but turns into a Vegas standup guy after knocking back a few. Unfortunately for all of us, he’s not remotely clever and stumbles out insults like, “Hey, Dumba, did you lose your magic feather?” He’s bombing out there and doesn’t care. Every time I sit near Back of Bench Dude, I’m always angry he didn’t bring his sitcom laugh track.

16. Phonetic Guy

This guy needs to pronounce every Russian or Slovak or Czech player’s name the way a native speaker would say it. You know, the know-it-all American who digs out his acting class Eastern European accent to pronounce “Artem Anisimov” or “Tomáš Plekanec” when shouting out the names of those respective players. Phonetic Guy is the same guy who turns around and corrects you when you unknowingly screw up a fact.

15. Big Shot in the Cheap Seats

We have a saying when we go to StubHub searching for the game: “Do you want good seats or in the building?” The wallet usually dictates “in the building.” I mean, just being there is a treat. Way in the upper upper 300s, there are some interesting characters. Like the fool sitting right in back of you telling his bros about the struggles of being in upper management but bragging about the “great seats that he got from work.” He’s in denial somewhere.

14. Big Hat Guy

Hey big hat guy! Give us a chance to see the game. Save the Babushka or your derby-shaped Kangol for your trip to the snow. Inside the arena, don’t act oblivious that you’re blocking my view. You definitely are and it isn’t the slightest bit cute. I hate that guy.

13. Guy with Glass Seats Who Brings His Young Kids and Doesn’t Take Away Their Electronics

I don’t know, it just bugs the living hell out of me. It’s worse on television when there’s a big play and the kid can barely lift their eyes up to see what just happened.

12. Bad Parents

Yeah, yeah, I know where you think I’m headed. Think again. Bad hockey parenting is where you’re a long-term Kings fan who let’s their kids make their favorite team choices. You’ve seen the beaten-down father wearing a Dustin Brown sweater while his kids sport their Ducks or Sharks sweaters. That’s bad parenting, plain and simple. As soon as they are born you have to drill the sports bias into them. You have to go all Manchurian Candidate Fan on them, brainwashing at will.

11. The Dude Who Wears a Sweater of Someone Who Isn’t on the Team

Okay, (most) retired players are exempt here. So are the warm-up jerseys you won in the Kings Care Foundation silent auction, or even a game-worn sweater.

This actually happened: Three weeks ago at Staples, I spotted someone wearing a purple Kings, number 28 Oleg Tverdovsky, sweater. I swear. Apparently his “other sweater” was in the wash.

Now, pay attention Kings fans, because Guy Number 11 will probably be pretty relevant come the 2019 trade deadline: Once a someone is traded away, don’t wear it to the stadium. Don’t burn it or throw it away either. Wear it at home when you are cleaning or watching a game on the NHL Network.

That’s it for this week … we’ll continue the countdown soon. What fans do you think will make the top 10?

This column is from my Perspectives From The Cheap Seats slot on Jewels From The Crown.

The post The Worst Fans in Hockey—20 through 11 appeared first on Media Guy Struggles.