Okay, so where am I? 

“This fall, Inspiration4 launches as the first all-civilian mission to space … and you could be on board,” says the ad, directing our curiosity to their website. 

The well sought-after “What the F%(#” award to Oatly. What’s Oatly you ask? Why it’s a somewhat unknown supplier of oat milk and oat milk–related goods. CEO Toni Petersson wasted nearly $6 million—well, way over that number when you factor in production costs to make the spot and agency fees—on a vanity piece on a maudlin country field lounge act replete with bad singing about “how oat milk is like milk, but made for humans.” Oh yes, but only if you’re a smug granola cruncher. (Apologies to the granola crunchers and/or those who are lactose intolerant.) What’s worse is that the company couldn’t event be bothered to put the commercial on their social media accounts. Sheesh!

Meanwhile, the Internet is undefeated!:

The post The Best and the (Mostly) Worst of the Super Bowl LV Commercials appeared first on Media Guy Struggles.

I’m just like the rest of you, hunkered down watching Anderson Cooper talk to 22-year-old Harvard researchers predicting a two-year nightmare of mask wearing and hearing reports from Los Angeles Mayor Eric Garcetti tell us that the Hollywood Bowl is closed this year and we won’t have sports until 2021. No exactly what I was looking for in 2020, that’s for sure.

A 1910 advertisement from Ma Bell.

A few weeks ago, spending was up up up in the media world with all of us Ad Men scrambling to understand the effectiveness analytics and reach our target audiences with bull’s-eye precision. Brands like Miller were still touting good times centered around cold brews, KFC pushing “finger lickin’ good” chicken like a drug dealers marching sentry in Baltimore, and the Charmin Bears were touting the brands delivered the cleanest bums.

These days when you turn on the TV—and for many of us the TV is on nearly 24 hours a day—all you see are COVID-19 tribute commercials. This represents quite a pivot in our socially distant coronavirus live where ad agencies and their clients are facing an unparalleled level of ambiguity. The Interactive Advertising Bureau reports that 70+ per cent of brands, media planners, and media buyers believe that the coronavirus will have a larger advertising influence than the 2008 financial crisis. Although you probably feel different watching television, but overall expenditures on traditional media (Radio/TV) is down almost 40% from what and digital advertising was down a third from what agencies had expected to spend at the start of the buying year.

But the folks at Nielsen have some data that supports our general feelings. Their data shows that when people are forced to stay inside (weather, illness, etc.), they watch around 60% more content than they usually do. And, the major brands took note, replacing their ad campaigns that were in rotation and replacing them with relevant coronavirus-centered content. Citibank is celebrating our heroes, Uber is thanking us for not using their service, Papa John’s is touting contactless pizzas, while Captain Obvious from Hotels.com reminds us of the obvious: Just stay home.

Currently, like all film production, commercial shooting has been locked down during the pandemic. Even so, brands haven’t stopped re-purposing content or using new footage provided from their staff’s family or shooting single camera B-roll to re-imagine their messaging and stay in front of millions in this ever growing television audiences and everyone scrolling through digital platforms nearly every waking moment of every waking day. Brands, even those not considered essential or shuttered, are finding ways to enter the COVID-19 conversation with their spending power.

A March 2020 survey by GlobalWebIndex asked internet users in 13 markets whether brands should continue advertising as normal. Nearly four in 10 US respondents ages 16 to 64 agreed, and a similar share (35%) were neutral, compared with 28% who disagreed. (The global results were on par with those in the US, at 37%, 36% and 27%, respectively.)

So until we are freed up a little bit or things re-open or another controversy arises, get ready for a steady stream of alarming medical news, wearing masks to the grocery stores, and commercial gems like these…

Apple

Citibank

Dunkin’ Donuts

Fitbit

Walmart

Go Daddy

Amazon

The post The COVID-19 Commercial Pivot appeared first on Media Guy Struggles.

Photo: Cliff Hawkins/Getty Images

Okay, so where am I?

Let’s just say that The Comeback Chiefs just scored three touchdowns in the final few minutes in Miami to earn their first Super Bowl win in 50 years. That ought to narrow it all down.

On Sunday, huge brands like Tide and Pepsi once again spent millions of dollars from their advertising budgets. As a matter of fact, advertising for the game sold out before the end of November at a price tag of $5.6 million for a 30-second commercial. The demand for Super Bowl ad was so strong this year that Fox added two-and-a-half minutes of commercial time to the telecast. And, if you have the cash, why not advertising in the biggest television event of the year? Look at these numbers:

The figure point to a 5.5% increase over the 2019 game, in spite of a 5% audience decline for last year’s It’s important to note that live sports have held their own against the rising tide of video streaming that has divide viewers’ collective attention away from traditional satellite and cable television. The result is the National Football League’s enduring strength against other programming. Simply stated, it is more valuable than ever to advertisers.

To note, the $5.6 million cost for a 30-second spot to a colossal leap over the cost for the same amount of time for the the big game in 1967. In 1967, ads for the first-ever Super Bowl cost anywhere from $37,500  to $42,500, while 1995 marked the first year that the average cost crossed into the millions, when 30-second ads sold for $1.15 million.

So who scored and who fumbled this year?

WINNERS

Google
“Loretta”

If you didn’t cry or pretend you weren’t you might not actually be human.

Hyundai
“Smaht Pahk”

Making fun of Boston and New York accepts has become part of the of the lexicon pop culture. Boston natives John Krasinski, Chris Evans, and Rachel Dratch drive it home.

Dashlane
“Password Paradise”

Death on the River Styx is the perfect apt metaphor for those regular occurrences when you need to gain access to your online accounts. Shoot it just happened to me trying to get into my American Airlines frequent flyer portal…and the exact same questions were asked in the exact same order. Goodness gracious, on relatability scale, they were spot on (and quite humorous about it all too.)

Amazon
“What Did We Do Before Alexa?”

When Ellen DeGeneres asks Portia de Rossi “What did we do before Alexa?” I was a little dubious. But once the newsy makes his fake news joke, they had me.

Jeep 
“Groundhog Day”

An ode to the classic with a fresh spin…plus a superb ending.

LOSERS

Audi
“Audi Presents: Let It Go”

The Frozen ear worm “Let It Go” anthem doesn’t fit the message quite as well as Audi imagines it does. What a waste of Maisie Williams and 5.6 million dollars. Next time call the Media Guy, Audi. I can save you eight to ten million in production, royalty charges, and actor’s fees.

Avocados from Mexico 
“The Avocados from Mexico Shopping Network”

Pool floats? Baby carriers? Luggage? All of these things can be purchased on the Avocados From Mexico Shopping Network? Do we even care where our avocados come from as long as they aren’t $3.99 each? This one was a loser from the moment it was greenlit from the storyboards.

Tide
“Laundry Later”

Charlie Day is the freakout actor of his generation. Tide dropped at least $22 million on their four spots. I like the concepts, but it wasn’t particularly Clio Award worthy.

Proctor & Gamble
“When We Come Together”

No shortage of star power here. After the clever spilled chili open, it was literally a mess to watch.

The post The Best and the Worst of the Super Bowl LIV Commercials appeared first on Media Guy Struggles.

Click to enlarge

Okay, so where am I?

I needed some 3H grade pencils since I am sketching out a new look for my man cave and wanted an accurate drawing of case I need to be built. Standard No. 2 pencils won’t cut the mustard. Why you ask? Well, H leads are tremendously smudge-proof and supply the cleanest lines, making the pencil of choice for tasks such as technical drawings, light sketching, and outlines. If you’re a lefty (I’m not, but sensitive to the plight of the southpaw), taking advantage of smudge-resistant H leads is a must. Yet, I digress…

Anyway, you used to have to drag yourself to one of the only high-end art supply stores in your city to find these suckers, but not you can fire up Amazon and finish your purchased and have them delivered in a few hours. Amazon is pretty great in that respect. After taking exactly 189 seconds to research, get a proper brand recommendation, select, and purchase my pencils, I surfed around the site and and I stumbled across this first edition classic, “The Agon in Euripides,” penned by yours truly. It’s brand new and the last one in stock at $73.00. There’s also 13 more options starting at $73.37 and some more in the used book bin available from $60.00. I mean why wouldn’t you want to purchased this study of the agon, i.e., formal debate, in Euripides’ tragedies? Just look at these reviews:

“Lloyd does an excellent job of describing the structure, style and strategies of Euripides’ agones, and everyone interested in these rhetorical exchanges will read this book with profit.”

—Classical Bulletin

“This is a meticulous and scholarly book. It is clear that the author has thought very hard about every sentence, and the result is a careful and highly reasoned discussion of the texts….The analyses of individual speeches are illuminating, and the book is clearly and elegantly written. There is a useful index. Overall, the book is certainly a success, and will undoubtedly be of help to many concerned either with Euripides or with Greek rhetoric.” —The Classical Review

Yeah, not for everyone, but for those of you desiring a general account of the formal debate in Euripides, including a contrast with the agon in Sophocles, and contains an extended discussion of Euripides’ relationship to fifth-century rhetorical theory and practice, then this is your Holy Grail of agones interpretations.

Speaking of Holy Grails of things, the Emmy nominations came out this week and five ads were nominated for 2019’s Outstanding Commercial Emmy. Apple scored two noms with Nike’s “Dream Crazy,” “A Great Day in Hollywood from Netflix, and long-form PSA Sandy Hook Promise’s “Point of View,” made the list. See them all in the Adweek story. At the end of the day, we’re always working to tell stories that move audiences, you know, those Big Ideas I keep writing about here.

One of the inspiration points I always go to when I’m looking for that Big Idea is the George Carlin comedy bit “Advertising Lullaby.” If you’re familiar with Carlin—and you should be—some of his “Seven Dirty Words” are there, so don’t watch this at work with your volume up at 10. As a view who has probably watched it a thousand times, this is timeless and genius…

Here’s the Full Transcript:

Quality, value, style, service, selection, convenience
Economy, savings, performance, experience, hospitality
Low rates, friendly service, name brands, easy terms
Affordable prices, money-back guarantee, free installation.

Free admission, free appraisal, free alterations,
Free delivery, free estimates, free home trial, and free parking.

No cash? No problem! No kidding! No fuss, no muss,
No risk, no obligation, no red tape, no hidden charges,
No down payment, no entry fee, no purchase necessary,
No one will call on you, no payments or interest till December, and no parking.

Limited time only, though, so act now, order today, send no money,
Offer good while supplies last, two to a customer, each item sold separately,
Batteries not included, mileage may vary, all sales are final,
Allow six weeks for delivery, some items not available,
Some assembly required, some restrictions may apply.

Shop by mail, order by phone.
Try it in your home, get one for your car.
All entries become our properties, employees not eligible,
Entry fees not refundable, local restrictions apply,
Void where prohibited except in Indiana.

So come on in for a free demonstration and a free consultation
With our friendly, professional staff. Our courteous and
Knowledgeable sales representatives will help you make a
Selection that’s just right for you and just right for your budget.

And say, don’t forget to pick up your free gift: a classic deluxe
Custom designer luxury prestige high-quality premium select
Gourmet pocket flashlight.

And if you act now, we’ll include an extra added free complimentary
Bonus gift: a classic deluxe custom designer
Luxury prestige high-quality premium select gourmet leather style wallet.
With detachable keychain, and a pencil holder.
It’s our way of saying thank you.

And if you’re not completely satisfied, you pay nothing.
Simply return the unused portion for a full refund, no questions asked.
It’s our way of saying thank you. Keep your free gift.

Actually, it’s our way of saying ‘Bend over just a little farther
And let us stick this big dick into your ass a little bit
Deeper.

The post 3H Grade Pencils and George Carlin lead to the Big Idea appeared first on Media Guy Struggles.

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The post The Best and the Worst of the Super Bowl LIII Commercials appeared first on Media Guy Struggles.

Surfing around Amazon today and I came across an oldie but a goodie written by yours truly: European and American Paintings and Sculptures 1870-1970, in the Australian National Gallery Hardcover – 1992. Yeah, you can buy the book on Amazon but the $1800 price tag might scare you aware from this out-of-print beauty.

In a related story, there’s no truth to the rumor that the book has gold-tipped pages. It’s just hard to find these days. Yet, I digress…

Okay, so where am I?

I’m on a bit of a retreat as I search my soul to find a handful of Big Ideas for some upcoming campaigns. It’s a lovely property with butler service, 24-hour gourmet room service, sounds of the ocean from my lanai, and a pond with huge lily pads. It’s the perfect mix of civilization and nature that inspired the right blend of inspiration and meditation to spark the creative juices.

A good place to start the creative process is to look at what’s out there. The more I scrape the bottom of the creative barrel, the older I know I am. I mean, I feel like I’m the only guy that watches television commercials anymore, but based on the soaring budgets for these spots and the cost to do media buys, the more I know it’s simply a myth that commercials don’t work. They do, and when you get a solid spot with a decent media plan, the word spreads fast.

So there I am flipping through shows and maybe the worst example yet of awful, New Age “femvertising” pops up in the form of a Special K commercial…take a peek:

Wait, whaaaaaat? As a reformed misogynist, every time I see a spot like this I feel like I’m reverting to my old Mel Gibson What Women Want ways and needing a good hair dryer zap to fully get me in tune with advertising geared at women.

So there I was watching this commercial saying “who in the holy hell is writing these inane commercials” while looking for a pencil to jab into my eye so I could stop the pain of ingesting these kinds of ads. Any wouldn’t you know it, there wasn’t a pencil to be found to end the suffering.

If you don’t think I’m a man of simple tastes and pleasures ask me what the highlight of my last vacations was…

Waiting…

Still waiting…

A properly-filled scantron was the first step towards an A test!

Give up? Well, I checked into beautiful European hotel and boy they don’t skimp on the super neat amenities. In my room, sitting atop the note pads on a Resolute Desk replica were elegant golden pencils. New pencils. Erasers unused with lead at a fine point. My memory drifted back to a noisy fourth grade classroom as I searched for the fresh scent of new pencil shavings as the formed a mini mountain underneath the manual sharpener.

Memories moved to the odd lectures from mostly well-intended teachers urging you to fill the circles completely on your scantron in order to receive proper credit for all of your guesses answers. Remember your teachers reminding you to use your mighty yellow Ticonderoga pencils with the ever-important number two lead? I sure do! Begrudgingly tolerated the of the mechanical pencil.

Try and find a pencil at home or in your office these days. Impossible! What ever happened to the noble pencil?

Most of this monster was started with a pencil…

History romanticizes the quill pen. It begrudgingly tolerated the unnatural abomination of the mechanical pencil. It resigned itself to the mass production of Bic’s ballpoint. And all the while, the pencil was there being taken for granted and waiting for nostalgia to sweep it back into relevance.

Yeah, we are still waiting and waiting for that to happen.

It wasn’t pens that beggars sold from their tin cups during the Great Depression, it was pencils. The world greatest sketches and poetry arose from lead points. Even the art of pencil sharpening was a way to both take a break during a difficult quiz and simultaneous show off to your classmates as you shaved the wood head with economical strokes that told your world you were a true craftsman.

All of this was during my time when cursive writing wasn’t banned in school and pencilmanship was still a grade that counted towards your elementary GPA. It was a time when the US Postal Service bustled with snail speed to deliver the letters we wrote on fine linen stock. I digress yet again.

At the end, I called several of my female friends, imploring them to watch the Special K commercial with me on youtube and the general consensus was that the spot was terrible and they were searching for pencils too.

The moral of the story? The marketing execs at Kellogg’s or even the ad men at Leo Burnett (the agency that handles Special K) should have called the Media Guy to write their “We Own It” spot. I guarantee you I would have crushed it, Clio-style or worked for free.

Looking back though, I thank America’s apathy for the pencil for saving my left eye as I searched for that Big Idea today!

Grazi…

Epilogue

Check out this fun story about a professional pencil sharpener with Mo Rocca of CBS Sunday Morning:

The post KELLOGG’S: You Should Have Called The Media Guy! appeared first on Media Guy Struggles.

I mean tickets to the Golden Game? Super Bowl 50? In San Francisco? Club Level? Running elbows with the bourgeois of the world like Beyoncé, Pres. Obama, The Mannings, and Katy Perry? I mean who wouldn’t want that?

But then “$3K PER TICKET” smacked me on the brain like an errant elbow from your girlfriend who’s tossing and turning in bed after a 10-tequila-shot bender at 4a in Vegas or Monte Carlo.

Three thousand dollars? And six thousand dollars for two? Face Value? Who would pay $6,000 for Super Bowl tickets and feel good about themselves while drinking $15 beers in their plush club level seats while behemoths slam into each other while involving concussion protocols that can only truly be determined after death? I mean $1 a day helps a whole family eat three squares in Southern Sudan right?

C’mon NFL, really? Are you donating a part of this to some kind of charity? Sheesh! So right there I made my Stub Hub commitment to scalp these suckers and help out the world. Final result ended with an $8,000 donation to a local food bank.

Will I regret it? No way. It’s not like it’s a Kings-Capitals Stanley Cup Final ticket, right?

Okay, so where am I?

I’m at home waiting for my chili to finish cooking so I can have my Hebrew Nationals (a package of seven cost me $3.99, while a single hot dog at Levi’s Stadium would have run me $8.00; I think I made a good choice to sell my tickets and watch at home, don’t you think?).

Based on one of the best Super Bowl commercials (there weren’t many), I should have stuck with Heinz condiments. Heinz’s clever blend of America’s love of a dog commercial and blended it with a time-honored brand and a dash of quirk. The Heinz’s Wiener Stampede jumped from the field and into our hearts. It also proved that if you had a big hit in the 70s, then you can make money in 2016 (ala Harry Nilsson’s “Without You”).:

I think I may have stumbled on my true calling: Athlete fixer. Last year, I reached out to Seattle Seahawks’ running back Marshawn Lynch to be his media coach. Before that, I detailed how to eliminate your stage fright. This year it’s Carolina Panthers’ quarterback Cam Newton who needs a little Media Guy help. His post-game presser was a personal disaster. For a guy who makes $10 mil annually in endorsements, he sure needs a lessen in humility. His three-minute talk to the media included nine answers that were three words or less. Someone should have taken him aside before walking into that room. Where was his Jerry Maguire? Where was the Panthers’ PR person to protect their most valuable player asset? C’mon Panthers! You’re better than that!

So Cam, as I told Marshawn, next time you ready yourself to Superman into a press conference after a humbling defeat, give the Media Guy a ring…or just email me.

(BEST) AD OF THE WEEK/MONTH/WHATEVER
Anheuser-Busch

After Helen Mirren’s commercial scorned us not to drink and drive, but then winds up drinking a beer and says, “This is suppose to be fun,” Peyton Manning slipped in the most effective commercial of them all. With everyone hanging on his post-game interview, pondering if he will announce his retirement, he instead listed his top priorities right now, saying he was going to drink a lot of Budweiser.


Holy ad messaging contradiction!

(RUNNER UP) AD OF THE WEEK/MONTH/WHATEVER
Baldwin Bowl

(WORST) AD OF THE WEEK/MONTH/WHATEVER
Mountain Dew’s puppymonkeybaby

Creepy and disappointing! When that ridiculous thing hit the screen with its bad Godzilla-like stop motion CGI and started licking the guy’s face somehow inspiring him to drink the new Mountain Dew drink, I wanted to punch the television. But what do I know?

The abomination of a commercial was trending on Instagram, Twitter, and Facebook all day. The ad garnered Mountain Dew almost 70,000 mentions** Good, bad or ugly, viewers wouldn’t stop talking about this nightmare.

Dude on Twitter said it best:

*- According to Market Watch
**- According to Amobee Brand Intelligence

The post At first I was like, “Holy F#%king Super Bowl Tickets, Batman!” … appeared first on Media Guy Struggles.

We are coming into our annual shopping season which traditionally begins with Black Friday, the day after Thanksgiving when U.S. retailers sound the bell and Americans respond like Pavlov’s Dog. However, many outlets begin Black Friday early this year knowing gullible shoppers would react accordingly.

Why not have Black Friday every week and offer fake non-savings year-round? I’m not writing in this spot to make fun (as easy as that would be) of shoppers that will obediently queue in line this Friday at four a.m. to get deals they realistically could have gotten three days earlier or a week later.

Au contraire, I give these Pavlovians credit because they are the steadfast dinosaurs who still do their shopping by going to stores just like I did in my day, connecting through three buses and long miles away just to reach the nearest mall. Imagine that! Now days, more and more people do their entire spate of holiday shopping entirely online. Tap tap tap tap, fill in the credit card, and done!

Why get out and partake in holiday festivities and enjoy the camaraderie of actual human interaction when you can hermitize yourself like a serial killer or the Unibomber and shop soullessly? Better yet, have your purchases parachuted on your porch via drones to avoid even a cursory exchange with the UPS or FedEx guy.

Non-human shopping is all the rage.

Before I had true disposable income, I would visit the local Pizza Hut or call a local favorite to have some cheesy goodness delivered. But now you bypass even talking on the phone. You go to an app, click on a little pizza emoji. I bet for an additional charge your delivery guy will even drop it on your doorstep if you leave the cash under the doormat.

My favorite part of the week is a Sunday morning spent leisurely sauntering through my local Vons (Safeway for 90% of you outside of Los Angeles) kibitzing with employees and strolling through every aisle in a serpentine manner. Vons has taken to playing sixties, seventies and eighties music through its public address system.

(Don’t laugh, I used to be the guy who picked the music back in the day for the pool company and its 400 plus stores across the country. It’s harder than it seems!)

I try to match up song and product, nodding to Billy Idol’s “White Wedding” while juggling cans of Progresso’s Italian Wedding soup. This is an experience missed when you use Amazon’s Fresh and Pantry services, which deliver groceries right to you without (sadly) having to answer your door.

Shopping doesn’t mean just spending money. It should be an exercise in human interaction. Get out from the sterile spell of your computer. Venture into a store. Have a conversation that involves actual speaking and not texting. Enjoy the intoxicating early morning crisp air that goes hand-in-hand with waiting in near freezing temperatures counting down to that magical shopping hour. Be with others like you’ the real consumers who made America great. Not the lazy onliners who first killed Roebuck and now are going after going after Sears too, all to save a buck on gas.

Shop right America!

The post Shop Right America! appeared first on Media Guy Struggles.