Drinking = new business, for better or for worse.

And the managing director said,

“Let there be drinks.”

And there were drinks.

And from these drinks,

the Sales Guy closed the account at the bar.

And the Creatives were given dominion

over all things upon this account

and the power to choose

between scandalous and informative.

And so goes the evolution of a media account…

At the core of any deal is networking. It really is who you know and many times not what you know. But if you aren’t in the know, then sealing a deal requires a deft gift of gab and a social setting befitting of the client you are seeking.

These fifteen, er, ten commandments…

The years of drinking your way to the top created these fifteen ten commandments:

1. Thou Shall Not Be Careless.
Being careless is inexcusable. Spilling an entire drink on oneself is an automatic loss. Game over. This applies at all times. If you do it, just excuse yourself and go home.

2. Thou Shall Provide Comfort.
Comfort Counts. I read this study that Harvard, Yale and MIT conducted and it said that people in a hard wooden chair held out for more discounts that those in cushioned seating. If you have to, take some splinters for the team.

3. Thou Shall (Wo)Man Up.
Be strong on your drink selection. Don’t be a copy cat. “I’ll have the same” is weak sauce. Order your own drink.


4. Thou Shall Make Good Choices. 
Your drink cocktail shall be clear or brown. This is serious stuff. Say it with a good drink choice. All brown or clear drinks are serious drinks.


5. Thou Shall Have Good Posture.
all business meetings are confrontations of a sort. Square up. Even if it seems friendly, even if it’s with a colleague. Sit tall and with pride. Sitting up straight is evidence that you have a backbone. It is also evidence that you’re not so wasted you can’t do the actual business you invited your counterpart to conduct.

6. Thou Shall Treat Thy Servants Properly.
The employees are there to serve you, but you should never act like they are there to serve you. Respect the bartender…and the host…and the cocktail server…and your neighbors at the next table…and the valet…and the restroom attendant. (Whaaaaat? the place you chose doesn’t have a restroom attendant? Pick a better place!) Why all the respect? Because for this night, these are your assistants. They are your people. YOUR PEEPS. You want the bar to be more yours than your counterpart’s.

7. You Shall Not Commit Murder.
Don’t kill your night with hesitation. Hesitation kills the momentum of your night…in a flash. When ordering a drink, never hesitate. Don’t review a menu. Don’t read that fancy black chalkboard that the host spent forty-five minutes and seven pieces of chalk to build. You know what you like. Order it. Refer to Commandment Four when in doubt. Why? Well, you shouldn’t waste time if in the conference room. Don’t do it at the bar.

Commandment 10.

8. Thou Shall Focus.
Put that damned iPhone away. Yeah, yeah, I know, we all love our smartphones, our Candy Crush and seeing what Susan is eating on Instagram. But for an hour or two, put it in your pocket. Look your guest in the eye the entire time. When you don’t look someone in the eyes, it shows you have an agenda other than the bond of the night. It also shows an inclination that you can be intimidated or lying. Practice that eye contact.

9. Thou Shall Arrive Early.
Everything should happen sooner than expected. Get there first. Order first. Introduce your business earlier than appropriate. Wrap things up faster than seems suitable. When you do things early, you have control. Control is a virtue. Your virtue.

10. Thou Shall Take Notes…on a napkin.
You might brand it as, but taking notes on a napkin is cool. Tell your guest(s) that five years from now you can all say, “It all started by writing it down on a bar napkin.”

More from the Media Guy on Drinking:

The Media Guy Struggles: Drink Like a Mad Man
When he’s not drinking Canadian Club straight, Don Draper favors the old fashioned, which is filled with Vitamin C and fruitiness to offset its … Read on…

The Media Guy Struggles: Making it at a Media Party
…if you don’t know how to drink or look like you’re drinking while nursing a cold bevie, you’re going to have a tough time in the ad game … Read on…

The Media Guy Struggles: Eight Ways to Toast Globally
…have you ever wondered how people drink beer across the globe? … Read on…

The post The Commandments of Business Bar Meetings appeared first on Media Guy Struggles.

I’ve shown you how to make it at a media party, how to drink like a Mad Man, and even how to get your client to push away from the hosted bar after walking the red carpet. 


But, have you ever wondered how people drink beer across the globe? 


I can be your tour guide.


Today is is International Beer Day, a “holiday” celebrated in 50 countries across six continents that has three declared purposes:

1. To gather with friends and enjoy the taste of beer.
2. To celebrate those responsible for brewing and serving beer.
3. To unite the world under the banner of beer, by celebrating the beers of all nations together on a single day.

In honor of International Beer Day, here are eight global toasts to help you become a jet-setting beer ambassador. 


Cheers!

The post Eight Ways to Toast Globally appeared first on Media Guy Struggles.

Start with Kek Lok Si Buddhist Temple and never look back.

As a matter of fact, eating is the single topic on everyone’s tongue from the minute you hit the beautiful tropical island. Despite its British roots—under British rule since its sultan gave it up in 1786 in exchange for protection against his Siamese enemies—Penang produces a bevy of culinary delights. Locals have been crafting char koay teow (stir-fried rice noodles), nasi kandar (biryani rice with naughtily spicy curries) and congee (milky rice porridge) since then, blending in Western flavors for unique delicacies now native to only Malaysia. To find out what the buzz is about, stroll into Chinatown in Georgetown, the capital of Penang state, f or a taste and a tour of the eclectic blends of spice and rice. But satisfying your taste buds isn’t the only thing on this island’s menu.

Interwoven between the cafés and coffee shops are amazing combinations of cultures, Buddhist temples and shopping that make for a fascinating side trip. Here nearly everything you can imagine is available for sale in what amounts to a negotiator’s dream: traditional lanterns, vintage British cigarette lighters, joss-sticks, Malay jewelry and local artisan crafts. And, no, you won’t find any of the opium that was once traded with India and China when this was a burgeoning port town in previous centuries. But you will find some soothing Malay teas and a friendly smile at every stop.

All that’s missing is the South Beach “talent.”

Remember to bring an umbrella, usually supplied by your hotel, as two-inch downpours can happen at a clap of thunder.

SLEEP: Flamingo Hotel by the Beach
Enjoy alfresco delights and a sweet Malay martini while dining in the oceanfront beach bar of this simplistic, yet oddly elegant hotel, just steps from the heart of Georgetown. www.penang.flamingo.com.my

Malaysian river prawns vs. Louisiana craw fish: you make the call!

TASTE: Fresh River Prawns
Sneak away to the Khaleel Restaurant on Jalan Penang Street, the preeminent 24/7 Mamak (Tamil Muslim) eatery near the corner of touristy Lebuh Chulia. Don’t miss the fresh river prawns to satisfy your yearning for this delicacy and all other things crustacean.

EXPLORE: Trishaws
Georgetown’s garish rickshaws or “trishaws,” as they are commonly known, are the best way to see the town as drivers pedal their passengers around in outlandishly garish vehicles. If you tip an extra dollar, they might change the bad karaoke, playing full blast on their hi-fi stereo systems.

RELAX: Spicy Garden
Most people don’t understand the importance of spices. At one time, the spice trade made merchants across the globe untold fortunes. They preserved meat and were the key ingredients in perfume making and embalming the dead. They were more valuable than gold. All told, they established immense empires, tipping the balance of world power at the dawn of the seventeenth century.

Closest thing to the Garden of Eden you’ll ever find.

Tucked away behind Teluk Bahang, the fishing village on the north western tip of Penang, in an eight-acre valley, lies the Tropical Spice Garden. This sumptuous example of nature conservation is all that remains of the resources that fueled Penang’s once booming trade. After one visit there, you get the picture perfect introduction to the plethora of spices—over 500 local and introduced varieties—that made Southeast Asia rich and famous.

This bewitching jewel of a garden, established on an abandoned rubber plantation, opened in 2003 and, we’re told, never fails to amaze. The minute you stride up to the conservatory, your senses are treated to savory treats as a gust of flavors wafts over you.

The walking guided tour—one of the finest this side of a docent visit to the Metropolitan Museum of Art—meticulously takes you across three garden experiences:

• The Spice Trail with its 100 herbs and spices.
• The Ornamental Trail, highlighting never seen (by me, at least) palms, flora, gingers and ferns.
• The Jungle Trail, replete with wild orchids and other jungle species stretched across an elevated pathway.

This isn’t your typical hands-off walk around a national park. The English-speaking guide goes into great detail about the trees and plants, often plucking a leaf and rubbing a seed pod on your wrist to allow you to smell the sweet aromas. He will even direct you to a lily pond, where you can dip your feet for a brief respite to the often oppressive Malaysian humidity. There, the guppies nibble your toes as part of your organic pedi-spa treatment.

The highlight is when you reach the on-site Tree Monkey Restaurant, serving Asian fare prepared with many of the garden’s own spices. The views overlooking the South China Sea and daunting rain forest is enchanting. As are the restaurant’s sticky rice, tom yum seafood soup and onion omelets.

Daily Admission with tour is approximately $8 USD. There are cooking classes too, but call ahead to make sure they are staffed for the day.

A trip to the Tropical Spice Garden is almost worth the 25 hours of flying from Los Angeles through Japan to Kuala Lumpur, plus a quick flight to Penang.

Trishaws of Penang (above and below)

…the beer is pretty good too…

…and there is plenty of monkey business too!

The post Penang: The Virgin Paradise appeared first on Media Guy Struggles.

…if you don’t know how to drink or look like you’re drinking while nursing a cold bevie, you’re going to have a tough time in the ad game.

Advertising parties may or may not look like this

Before I get to the fun stuff, how about a quick rundown on how to network at events and parties:

• Put yourself “out there”. If you’re shy, or a total party nerd, going to a party probably feels like a Game of Thrones wedding. Get that thought out of your mind because your slumped shoulders and wallpaper impression ain’t winning friends. 
• Dress to impress. Good grooming works along with a nice pair of Ferragamos or Pradas (and pul-lease shine them up!). If you’re in L.A., by all means go the Media Guy route and rock a black tee, nice jeans and a tailored sportscoat. If you’re in New York, you better suit up:

• Good gawd man, keep on truckin’. When you enter a room, scan the room and pick a target. Don’t forget to that the longer you stay in one spot, the the harder it is to get going. Move on if it doesn’t work. Don’t keep standing there and getting ignored by the Mean Girls flashing you the “you can’t stand here” look. Wave at some random punch bowl and parachute out.
• Body up! Look approachable. Send out those signals that you’re friendly and you want to talk.
• Active listening is better than talking 82% of the time. Use eye contact and nod as they talk, pacing it in time with their speech. Don’t look away as this gives the impression that you are getting bored or distracted. Face them front on and make sure your gestures are in pace with theirs. Also, mirror their gestures and this will make you look like a good listener.
• Smile. Geez, wipe that serious, self-important look off of your face and put the charm into your grill. A smile is the most primitive sign of introduction…and the most effective.
• Practice your Elevator Speech.
• Follow-up. Yes, this is the key because unless you have a private plane waiting to fly you to Vegas, you’re not going to become friends overnight.

Now you know the basic rules of event networking, so now what? How do you get that edge. If you’re a woman, chances are the red carpet is going to unfurl a little faster for you when you enter a room. Guys? Well that’s another story. The best differentiation factor revolves around drinking.

You may recall my overview on what kind of coffee you are in last year’s popular “Aw Fawk” column. What a woman’s choice of drink says a lot about her too. Jessica Klein, writer for the Roosevelts, put together a guide…let’s dive in!

Vodka Pineapple
This woman is out with the girls. Though she may step out to perform awkward arm and hip-thrusting movements in a small circle with her other girlfriends, the most she’ll throw any dude’s way is a coy look and an adorable smile. Not totally opposed to meeting a man while out on the town, she’s far less likely to go home with one than many of her differently imbibing counterparts. If you’re lucky, she’ll give you her number, but three other girls will be standing less than two feet behind her, snickering, as she does so. She almost definitely wears something colorful with frills or flow to express an avidly female attitude, and she loves getting greasy food on her way home from the bar while she and her friends discuss how reckless they’re being, calorie-wise.

Red Wine
This girl probably thinks she’s better than you. In fact, she almost certainly thinks she’s above being at whatever noisy bar you’ve found yourself in on this Saturday night. Quite possibly out by herself, the wine drinker will take her perch at the bar, her classic, little black dress draping modestly over the stool, where she’ll wait for you to go up to her. Your pickup lines will fall flat, but you may not know it until fifteen minutes into your conversation because she’s been keeping you around for her own amusement. If there with another female friend (she’ll be with three other women, max), their eyes will all drift around the room until landing on the man who they know will purchase their next glass of Merlot or Pinot Noir.

Beer
Practical, fun, and most likely cheerful, the beer drinking woman doesn’t allow her drink of choice to set her apart from the male masses. If she spills her over-full pint glass on you as she shakes with laughter over some crack made by the guy standing next to her, you won’t mind because her facial reaction and genuine apology will make up for it. Not afraid of belching in public, she will probably agree to take shots when all the guys do, and she will keep up successfully. Unfortunately, too many guys pass her by when it comes to sex and romance because they’ve been staring at pineapple vodka girl all night.

Rum & Coke
Honestly, I wouldn’t trust this girl. Something about deliberately ordering a rum and coke on a night out feels like a request for trouble. She may very well get too drunk by the end of the night (at which point you’ve got to respect the girl’s boundaries, i.e. not try and follow her/take her home), but before that she’ll flirt voraciously, which will be harmless and a lot of fun for everyone involved. A rum drinker, also, can dance. Ass-to-the-ground-without-knees-cracking dance. She knows what she wants, too, which is one thing you can definitely trust in her: If she doesn’t get her way, look out.

Whiskey
Why is it that men are always shocked and impressed when a woman orders whiskey? Though possibly viewed as more of a “man’s drink,” whiskey on the breath of a woman indicates maturity, independence, and sexual prowess. The whiskey drinking woman will talk to anybody, from the security guard to the bartender to the guy sitting alone in the corner to the bathroom attendant, and she will fall into each of their good graces by the end of the night (perhaps having made out with one and having smoked a joint with another). She feels right at home in any bar, but it might take her a few sips to get comfortable enough to start bringing the fun.

Gin & Tonic
One part aloof and one part too smart and funny for her own good, a girl drinking G & T’s at the bar will engage men and women alike with top-notch banter but will never get too wild. A classic warm weather cocktail, the G & T will sweep drinkers up in it’s lazy, languid attitude, causing the woman who drinks one to become nonchalant in a possibly irksome manner, if you’ve come out that night to seriously party. This woman’s most surprising aspect may reveal itself when it’s time to go home, at which point she’s been removed enough to have chosen her target for the night–she’s had a good idea of who she wants to bring home with her from two hours back, and now it’s time for her to fulfill it. Any guy will be thrilled to find out he’s the chosen one.

Tequila
Tequila speaks (and parties) for itself. A woman drinking tequila is out for a) a crazy time, or b) to forever bury the thoughts of a horrible ex or a particularly lame day at work. Obviously the life of the party, this woman will likely make it to the top of the bar at least once during the course of the night. She will also constantly invite the masses to down more tequila shots with her. You will fall in love with her, and she will fall in love with you–or, she’ll slap you very hard across the face.

To be fair, a woman can embody any of these girls on any given night. Depending on mood, the cycle of moon, and a variety of normal human factors, a lady can go from a coy red wine drinker one night to a wild, tequila slapper the next. Regardless of what she’s drinking, she’ll still wake up the next morning with a personality detached from any beverage, so never judge a girl by her drink 100% of the time.

The post Making it at a Media Party appeared first on Media Guy Struggles.

You have to be both bouncer and caretaker when the client starts drinking after the event.

Never blow off the walk-through or your credentials are toast.

• 1) know every step of the route,
• 2) tonight is not amateur hour, and
• 3) the real work begins at the after party as you urge your clients to avoid making themselves fodder for TMZ.com.

The handler (over Meryl Streep’s right shoulder with the yellow badge) is ever present, yet invisible.

Do you see the handler? Good!

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