I’m traveling to work on my television show and somehow translate butchered Japanese english into real english and then back into something Japanese that the masses on the Pacific island can fathom in the middle of a melodrama. In the middle of all of this drama, and on the eve of the busiest travel month of the year, I submit to you traveler this public service announcement…

Keys!

Whatever happened to them?

I don’t mean keys to the game, keys to success, or keys to the game. Those are still around. I mean the kind of keys you hold in your hand. Those small, saw-toothed marvels that unlock doors … and therefore, mysteries.

Not too long ago, the key was an integral part of life, dangling reassuredly from a ring and tucked into your pocket like gold. Some might say, everything started from this tiny, unique personal passport and was the key to life.

Now the key is being replaced.

Replaceable, and nearly defunct.

Gone the way of the manual typewriter.

On a list of occupations with a future, the locksmith ranks just above shoe cobbler. In a Home Depot kiosk I saw the cobwebbed, skeletal remains of a key grinder. How very sad…

When was the last time you checked into a hotel and were handed an actual key?

Nowadays, you’re handed a a soulless piece of credit card looking plastic that electronically opens your door…or is supposed to…

Remember back in 2012 when I reported on the fun times waiting on an elevator to trek back to the front desk while Steve and his Abercrombie & Fitch-looking girlfriend argued whether or not he could call her “baby” or not? Well, it isn’t always that exciting when you need to get into your room and technology has failed you. Yet I digress…

Turns out your cell phone can disable this room non-key. Way to blow it technology! Have you ever seen technology disable an actual key? I thought not.

And, when was the last time you sat in a new car and saw an actual ignition with that comforting vertical slot where the key went…and turned… That was a part of the joy of having your own car. You were handed the set of keys and off you went. Now you press a button.

*Sigh*

Soon there will be no more keys of any kind. People: support your local key. Bring the key back. Visit that kiosk at Home Depot and if there is a living grinder there, order a handful of new keys just on principle. Listen and observe as that small piece of metal is magically shaped to unlock doors and the wonders of life.

Eschew the plastic.

Keep it real.

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