BAD MEDIA: Porn Ruining Relationships

There’s good media and bad media.

I know in the days where I used to work with The Walt Disney Company, if you had a client on your roster that was even remotely close to pornography, your business relationship would be in serious jeopardy. Porn is very bad for work, we all know that, but now we are starting to realize that it’s even worse for home.

These days, the glimpse of a naked body after being misdirected to a porn site is no shock to the average internet user. What may prove more surprising is the pornography industry’s statistics, compiled worldwide, wherein a second is worth 1,000 images — or more:

• $3,075.64 is spent on pornography … every second
• 28,258 internet users view pornography … every second
• 372 internet users type porn terms into search engines … every second

“There have been several surveys about who’s viewing internet pornography and what consequences they’re experiencing, and the findings are disquieting,” says Jim Wysong, author of The Neutering of the American Male (www.TheNeuteringoftheAmericanMale.com).

“In a 20,000-person study recently conducted by TED.com, porn is the most prevalently cited obstacle for romantic relationships between men and women in their teens and 20s. Women say guys are emotionally unavailable, and men say porn makes them less interested in pursuing a relationship.

“In reality, men have been compromising their masculine nature for several decades.”

A lack of involvement by fathers in raising their sons; the overuse of prescription and illegal drugs; and uncertainty about their gender role have set American boys and men back, Wysong says.

“We all have a need to feel significant, to be accepted and loved, but those issues  prevent some males from developing fulfilling relationships,” Wysong says.

“Sexual intimacy is typically a byproduct of emotional intimacy. Unfortunately, when people don’t have a fulfilling relationship, their sexual desires don’t disappear.”

Men are often more visual and physical, so they’re able to use pornography to meet some of that need in the short term. But in the long run, they also need the emotional support, nurturing and deeper connection with a partner, he says.

“It becomes a vicious cycle: Males turn to pornography seeking to satisfy unmet needs, and pornography addiction makes it extremely difficult to achieve the balanced, loving relationship that would meet their emotional needs,” he says.

A Canadian study found that one in three teenage boys are “heavy porn users,’’ and an Italian study reveals that a large percentage of men there suffer from “sexual anorexia,” a temporary impotence, in their 20s because they were heavily into pornography in their teens, Wysong notes.

Parents, especially fathers, need to sit down with their sons and discuss sex. The lack of dialogue leaves young males to seek the answers to their curiosity on their own. Unfortunately, many turn to porn, which does not portray sex in a healthy and balanced way.

One of the most destructive things about it is that it portrays women as something to be used rather than valued and respected, Wysong says.

“Fortunately, this is something that can be remedied, both on a physical and a mental level,” he says.
If you’re concerned that you or a loved one is addicted to porn, Wysong suggests taking this self test from www.recoveryconnection.org:

1. Do you feel guilty or ashamed after looking at pornography?
2. Do you look forward to being alone so you can look at pornography?
3. Has pornography negatively affected your personal relationships, your job, or your finances?
4. Do you find that you have been looking at an increasing amount of pornography over time?
5. Do you look at pornography when you are bored, anxious, or lonely?

A yes to one or more of these questions may indicate a need for a quality treatment program. The Media Guy agrees wholeheartedly.